REALITY

 “The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.”

Stephen King, Night Shift

BE LIKE ROD

 

Due to a worldwide 80% vaccination rate for smallpox back in the '60's, people don’t even need to get vaccinated anymore. Through a global effort, we wiped it out. The vaccine itself had a high rate of efficacy at 95%. You may have heard there has never been a vaccine that achieved 100%. They don’t have to. Mumps vax comes in at a measly 88%.
See Rod’s Smallpox scar? Thank you Rod.
Now go put on something decent.

I USED TO BE A RULEBREAKER

It has taken me 64 years to learn simply following the rules eliminates most of the problems in my life even if they don't make sense to me at the time.

BUT MADGE!

 

"You're soaking in it."
Waiting for the Ivermectin craze to blow over.

ANTI-VAXXERS

 

"Most importantly, we are marshaling America’s scientific genius to produce a vaccine in record time. Under Operation Warp Speed, we have three different vaccines in the final stage of trials right now, years ahead of what has been achieved before. Nobody thought it could be done this fast. Normally it would be years, and we did it in a matter of a few months. We are producing them in advance so that hundreds of millions of doses will be quickly available. We will have a safe and effective vaccine this year, and together we will crush the virus."

Donald Trump, RNC speech August 27, 2020.

Yes Donald, and 75% of your electorate will refuse to take the Trump vaccine. There will be a new spike and a new strain due to low vaccination rates that will affect a large number of children and completely stress the county's Health Care System.

It is not entirely your fault.

HOW HARD COULD IT BE?

I’ve been keeping a friends little puppy dog for about 6 weeks. Little Buster, ain’t he cute?
I called her a couple weeks ago.
“Buster needs a groomer. He’s getting a little stinky, and he pulled down my hot wax smell good thing, so he’s got a shiny blue waxy butt and matted hair”
“You can take him to PetSmart, they know him there” she says.
Well two weeks went by and I still hadn’t taken him. Then he and I were playing “Where's the Treat” a few nights ago.
That’s when I saw it. His little tear ducts were all matted up with eye boogers. I mean really bad. I felt horrible. I’d neglected poor Buster.
I called his owner but there was no answer.
I called my daughter, who knows all about these things.
“Dad, you can go online and make an appointment.”
I looked at Buster’s pitiful neglected eyes. The sooner the better.
I went online to make an appointment. But I didn’t really have access to Busters account, so I figured I’d make one of my own. How hard could it be? Its just a form you fill out. That’s what I do at work. I fill out forms. I’m pretty good too!

The form goes:
Dogs Name: Buster!
Weight: 10 lbs.
Color: Blonde
Breed: Lhaso Apso
Birthdate: 7/1/2021
An lastly a pic of Buster. I uploaded the one above and clicked CONTINUE.
(Big Beeping Sound and a warning message)
“Your dog is only 1 month old. We do not groom puppies this young”
Well, drats!
And good golly, there is not a way to edit or delete Buster, and those eye boogers are horrible so there is only one thing left to do.
Make another dog! How hard could it be?

I named this one “Mister Pete”, changed the birthdate by a year, uploaded that cute pic and clicked “CONTINUE”
(Big Beeping Sound and a warning message)
“This dog is already in the system”
Well, damn! I need a new pic for dog number three!

I named # 3 “Butterball”, uploaded the new pic and there was no warning buzzer. Success!
But now PetSmart wants me to upload Butterballs shot record, which I do not have and if I did the records would be for a dog named Buster.

And that is how I came have 3 dogs registered with PetSmart.

 

SEX SELLS....BEACH HANDBALL!

 

The European Handball Federation's disciplinary commission imposed a fine of 150 euros per player (around $175) on the 10-member Norwegian Women's squad. The squad traded the skimpy bikini for some nice athletic shorts. apparently this is against the rules. In a joint statement with the International Handball Federation, the officials said that "all efforts will be taken in order to further promote the sport. This includes the ideal presentation of the sport and, by that, includes the outfit of the players."
Shame on you International/European Handball Federation. Why not go all out and have them play topless? I'd wear that. As long as everyone in the stands is wearing that, incuding the members of the European Handball Federation.
You should see the Russian team. Who knew they even HAD beaches.

I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA

 

What a great salt map Africa would make, with her 38 mountain ranges, Kilamanjaro, and the Rift valley.

Mrs Dahl, 5th grade teacher: "Bulletholes, have you been eating Isabel's salt map of the Pacific Ocean?"
Bulletholes: "No Ma'am"
Mrs Dahl: "Then why is your tongue so blue?"
Bulletholes: "Would you believe lack of oxygen"?

IF WE WERE IN PHILLY

 

I remember down in San Antonio, and Linda and I were trying to find a place to park in the endless caravan of cars creeping along the riverwalk. It went like this:
"There's a spot, Steve!"
"Its two lanes over"
"Well, get over there"
"I'll try..."
"Theres a spot!"
"I wont fit"
"Back up and try"
"There's a car right behind me"
"Oh, you missed it then"
"I tell you what, I'm going to take a right up here and see what happens"
I take the right.
"You should have gone left"
"OK hot rod, the next turn I'll ask what we should do"
We creep along in silence, her arms across her chest.
"OK Linda, right or left here?
You look both ways a couple times...
"Ummm...Ummm..." you say.
The guy behind me honks. I take the left.
"I was about to say right!"
"Too late now!"
Then you say "If we were in Philly and I was driving we'd be parked by now. This is nothing compared to Philly!"
And we both just cracked up!
Ended up finding a good spot.
Ya know, if we can get through that we could probably get through anything!

ANY LUCK?

 

Bloodrock is legendary around here. Famous for but one early 70's hit, DOA, about a fatal car crash Back when I was 16 I heard Bloodrock lived out at Eagle Mountain Lake. So me and some buddies loaded up and went looking for them. All weekend, cruising Eagle Mountain, hit every beach, every Foosers Hut, every underage bar, looking high and low for Bloodrock.
You may wonder did we have any luck?
Hell yes!
But we never did find Bloodrock.

Apparently he got that one wrong.

 "I don't think anybody is questioning the legitimacy of the presidential election"

~Kevin McCarthy

THE LATEST ADDITION TO THE RENFRO CULINARY REPETOIRE

I told my friend Nancy about my first week as lunch cook at The Crystal Cactus, the Hyatt's gourmet Restaurant back in 1982.
"My third day the chef came to me and said that the special tomorrow would be Cannelloni. I had no idea what that was, and had no intention of revealing my ignorance. There was no such thing as Google back then, so I went that evening to Barnes and Noble bookstore and found a recipe for Cannelloni's. The next morning I went in an hour early to do something I had never done before:
Make pasta from scratch and roll out the dough as thin as I could get it.
It sounded like it might be difficult, and there had been mention of a machine that would do it for you. It ended up being more difficult than it sounded, and I found out why old Italian women have big burly arms.
Never having made pasta dough I could only hope the consistency was close enough. I was rolling that dough pretty hard when the chef appeared at my side.
"What are you doing, Renfro?" he asked.
"Making cannelloni's, chef" I replied.
He reached into a cooler and pulled out a box of Eggroll wrappers. Genius!
"We usually just use these." he said "but its looks like you got it going."
The next week he showed me where they kept the pasta roller machine. There is a lesson here I think"
I told Nancy this story last weekend, and today came in the mail my new surprise Pasta Roller Noodle Making Machine.