GUN CONTROL

Summer, 1993

One night at about 2 am a bunch of us were partying over at Velvet's, just like usual. Suddenly the front door bursts open, and its some wild eyed dude, and in one hand he’s got a handful of some slutty looking chicks hair, and in the other hand he’s got a big ol' pistol.

“Where the fuck is JoJo!” he hollers out.

JoJo was one of the people that lived in the trailer there, but  he was was not there at the moment. Jojo’s roommate steps forward, her name is Velvet.
“What are doing bursting into my house?’ she demands
“JoJo been fucking my wife here!” and he jostles the slut around by the hair a little, and waves the gun some more.

Man, I’m sitting on the couch, and I just want out of there, ya know? I'm pretty sure that as crazy as this guy appears to be, he has a valid case because JoJo was fucking just about eeryone in the county, married or not, and this chick looked like she'd been around the block a time or two.

Well, Velvet, all this does is piss her off.

She stomps right up to him, grabs him by the ear, says

“I told you JoJo aint here, get the fuck out of my house” and with a swift kick to the ass,  tosses the guy out and closes the door behind her.

Man, we all just looked at her like she was some kind of badass, ya know? And someone asks her ‘Velvet, weren’t you afraid of his gun?”

Velvet gets this funny look on her face and says:
“GUN? WHAT GUN?”

She never saw the pistol. I dont know how she missed it. I think about that every time I have occasion  to say “I’ve never been in a situation that would not have been made worse with the introduction of a gun.”
Which has been a lot lately because here in Texas we have a  bunch of Open Carry gun nuts going around with rifles slung over their shoulders.

COST OF LIVING

My rent  went up 36 bucks a month. They want me to sign a new lease.
I resisted the urge to do what I usually do and go down to the office to raise hell and start asking in a whiny voice what they are going to do with my 36 bucks a month.
"We're replacing the roof" they will say.
"But my apartment already came with a roof didn't it? I've had a roof all along." I will tell them.
"Its a cost of living increase" they will say.
"Cost of living? Whose cost of living?  You are going the wrong direction here. If you want to decrease the cost of living you should be LOWERING my rent" I will say.
Of course, none of this makes any sense to them at all, even if it makes perfect sense to me, and the end result is that they just think I'm a smart ass prick, and for the next year we will make each others lives miserable.
So I went ahead and kept my mouth shut, signed the lease and slid it under their door in the middle of the night.

THE MILLERS AND THE NSA

These shooters in Las Vegas, the cop killer militia nuts that were run off the Bundy Ranch by members of other militias who , arguably, were slightly more sane than the Millers?

The ones that neighbors and personal friends complained about, and the cops went to see them three times?

Where was the NSA?
I thought they were listening in on everything.

What were they doing up there?

Busy watching Dita von Teese?

Oh, I know what you are thinking.
Why can't it be Kate Upton?

Or why not go all the way with Scarlett Johanesson?

I MUST HAVE FRISKED 1000 YOUNG PUNKS

I got pulled over one Friday night by a black cop. It was back in my Jesse James Days, so of course I had warrants. The second car showed up, lights flashing, and the black cop goes to frisk me before putting the cuffs on.
He grabs my belt buckle and pulls up, puts his hand to feel the inside part of my leg, and takes a good long look at my crotch.
“Is that all you?” he asks.

“Yessir”
He lets go of my buckle and says “DAMN”.

He and I just laughed and he put me in the backseat of his car.
I was very proud.

ONCE YOU KNOW HOW

When I first started working for Hyatt, the chef had me make lasagna. It came out great. Two weeks later, we were serving it again.
 I said "Do you want me to make the lasagna again?"
"No" the chef said "We'll buy it this time."
"Why ? Was my lasagna not good"
"Yes, your lasagna was fine" he said "But once you know how to make it, you never need to make it again"
God, how I miss working with chefs.

THE DEAD SEA

It reminds me of last Christmas when I was at the mall. I hadn’t been to a mall in a number of years, so I was just kind of meandering bout, slack-jawed, with no particular destination.
As I passed a Kiosk, I hear a voice say ‘Hello sir, how are you today?”
I turned around, and there's a good looking middle eastern fellow in a crisp white shirt and tie.
“I’m fine” I say.
He’s approaching me with his hand out. I cant help but stop my meandering and shake his hand.
“Call me Ishmael” he says “Whats your name?”
“I’m Steve “
“Well Steve, let me ask you. Have you washed your hands today?”
“Yes”
“How many times?”
“Five or six” I lied.
“Well let me show you something amazing”
He proceeds to show me a fancy bottle of pink salt, and he has me rub some in my hand. He tells me it comes from someplace exotic in the middle east, and asks me if I know where.
“The Dead Sea?” I venture.
“That’s right, you are very smart Steve” Ismael tells me. “Do you know why they call it the Dead Sea?” he asks.
“Because nothing can live in it” I say.
“Oh wow!” he says , and calls over to his buddy on the other side of the Kiosk “Hey, Steve knows why they call it the Dead Sea!”

Let me tell you, I had no idea how to get away from this guy. I listened to his whole spiel, watched as the salt made my hands cleaner than an angels butt, knowing I wasn’t going to buy any salt at the mall. He finally got to the pitch and the price.
80 bucks, that’s how much a jar of pink salt and a tube of cream cost. I laughed. No way.
He leaned in a little closer and whispered “I tell you what, I can let you have TWO for 60. That’s two salts and two creams in the special gift pack”
Anyone that knows me knows I don’t have an inside voice.
“SIXTY BUCKS FOR TWO? REALLY?” I said.
His eyes get wide and he grabs me by the shoulders and whispers “Steve, not so loud!”, and looks around as if to make sure no one has heard.
It was hilarious, and I laughed again.
"I’m sorry buddy, I cant pay that much for your product as excellent as it is”
“How much would you pay Steve?”
“I dont know. Maybe 15.”
Ismael looked at me with the most hurt look I had ever seen. I would not have been surprised if her were to render his garment, or pluck out an eyebrow and blow it away to the wind.
And that was my exit, except he had me sign a card to get on their mailing list.
Some folks just cant say no!

A CAT AND A HALF

-3) x (-6)= 18

Huh?

(-3) x (-6)= 18

That’s right!

Multiply two negatives and you get a positive. There is even a logical explanation for it, I know there is because I just read it, but I’ll be damned if I can explain it back to you.

So, (-3) x (-6)= 18.

That’s the one I’m sure I missed on the College Entrance Exam I took last night.

I was never any good at math.

That’s not true.

Once upon a time I was good at math. Good enough to land myself into an Honors Algebra class. But it was there that I learned how to not do my homework and barely pass. I passed algebra without really being able to do any algebra. That’s a real art man, one that I almost perfected. From there I went on to flunk Geometry, then Chemistry, and find myself as a senior in need of one single math credit in order to graduate from LD Bell.

That’s how I came to walk into room C-3 for my last shot at passing a math for dummies class.  There stood Mr. Barker.

Mr. Barker had been my teacher for those failed Geometry and Chemistry classes. He took one look at me and said “Steve, after I call roll you can go to the office and see about a transfer to a different class if you like.”

I stumbled into my desk and said “No, Mr. Barker, I’m going to pass one of your dumb math classes if it’s the last thing I do” and the whole class busted out laughing.

See, I was one of these guys that sat there, and when the teacher said “Two plus two equals four” I would  loudly  proclaim “Yeah, like when will I ever be able to use THAT out in the real world.”

Well, it didn’t take too long to find out. As a chef I learned to do food costs, and price menus; I figured labor percentages, and planned budgets. I actually spent about a year doing light accounting when I was assistant manager at a restaurant.

Even doing tile work, figuring square footage and how much material was needed for a job I utilized more math skills that I ever would have dreamed of as a young punk. I even got to use the Pythagorean Theorem  (even though Pythagoras didn’t actually invent it; the Incas and Chinese had been using it for a thousand years before he came along, although I shouldn’t slight the man for that) for drawing out a perfect grid for laying a floor.

So I was surprised last night when I took the math portion of the test and did pretty well, except for that darn multiplication of a negative.  I never had to use that in the real world.

But who knows? Just like 2+2=4, it could come in handy someday.
See? I’m learning.

"If a cat can run up and down a tree in a minute, how many times can a cat and a half run up and down a tree and a half in a minute and a half?"

PRUNING

Reminds me of some Indian Hawthorne I had in the front yard. I’d babied it, and pruned for a couple years getting the shape and bud production to a maximum. Then one year, I watched and waited, it was loaded with buds. Every night when I came home, I would take a look, it was just about to burst into pink bloom.
Then one night as I passed by, the shapes were all wrong, there were no buds opening in the moonlight. I turned on the porch light and AGGHHHH! 

My wife had SCALPED it. All the buds laying decapitated there in the bed and gasping a last breath on the concrete walk.
I nearly cried I really did.

Maya Angelou

"I'm convinced that the negative has power. It lives. And if you allow it to perch in your house, in your mind, in your life, it can take you over. So when the rude or cruel thing is said—the lambasting, the gay bashing, the hate—I say, 'Take it all out of my house!' Those negative words climb into the woodwork and into the furniture, and the next thing you know they'll be on my skin."

LOOKING FOR IT

It's like each person's life has the pieces of a 1,000 piece interlocking jigsaw puzzle. In my experience, no one seems to get issued a complete puzzle. Everyone's puzzle is missing, on average, seven pieces, and these puzzle pieces are distributed randomly into other people's puzzles. We spend our lives walking around saying, "Do you need a puzzle piece with a little yellow in the corner and a red line running through it?" Then we meet someone, and he or she says, "Oh, my God, I've been looking for it all my life." We say, "I don't know what to do with it, I wound up with it, take it, it's yours." It's rarely the author or featured speaker who has your puzzle pieces; it's usually someone who has a bit part in your life whose name is not recorded in the program."
 - Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

SMART AND SMARTER

They are pouring a new lot where I work. The guys I work with, they like looking out the window, and critiquing the job. Sure, they know nothing about pouring concrete, but it doesn’t matter. So they gather at the window and talk like Pedro and Jose out there don’t know what they are doing. I like to tell them “those guys know EXACTLY what they are doing!”
A few days ago a crew shows up after the rain. The guys gather at the window.

“What do they think they are doing?”

“They cant work with all that water!”

“Idiots!”

So the workers use a Caterpillar tractor to dig a trench, then lower a pump to drain the water from the trench, and the next thing you know they're putting up forms and laying re-bar.

I just laughed. “Pedro and Jose  way ahead of you guys!” I told them, and everybody went back to their desk.

DUMB AND DUMBER

Last Year over the period of 3 months I managed to lose almost 30 pounds.

I was eating right, and walking 4 times a week. There were days I lost two pounds.

I reduced the amount of diabetes medicine I take by half.

Then my scale broke. I stopped walking so much. The cookies down at Albertsons started jumping back in my cart.

After a couple months, I decided I sure did need that scale. I was worried how much weight I might have gained. So I went and bought a scale.  But when I got home and stepped on it, I was only up 5 pounds!

FIVE POUNDS!

That was like a small victory. I could shed those five pretty darn quick by going for a couple walks.

But I didn’t.

Then one day I stepped on the scale and I was up another five.

SHIT!

But that’s not too bad; if I really get on it I can knock those ten back pretty quick, doncha think?

And besides, I’m still good by almost 20 pounds, and just as pretty as ever.  

Why stress? Stress is not healthy, not healthy at all!

So another month goes by, and a couple times it looks like I’m starting to edge up another 5, I’m tap-tap-tapping on 265 every now and then, but the next day, I’m back at 260, and 255 isnt far from 260, except one day I’m solid on the 265 mark, might even call it 267 if we stop rounding to the fives,  only its not one day anymore it’s a full week that I’ve hit 267, and all that medicine I didn’t need to take anymore, I’m having to take it some more. In fact, I cant seem to get those blood sugar numbers down down down to where they are supposed to be even though I keep bumping up up up with the medicine, and the doctor is gonna kick my ass next time I go in because he can tell that I have been playing catch-up with the medicine, and they have a scale at the doctors office, and he is going to see that I have gained 17 pounds back of the 30 I lost, except I just weighed again and damned if I haven’t shot up to 272 now.

All because somewhere along the line I stopped walking 4 or 5 days a week.

I lost 30 pounds and gained back 24. I feel like the guy in Vegas that hit the jackpot for $4000 at midnite, and now its 8am and he  is turning a weird shade of green because he's played it down to $6.50. The crowd that cheered him on is now vanished, except for the couple looking at him laughing and shaking their heads over at the coffee shop.

How dumb is that? 

I lost 30 pounds and now I’ve gained almost all of it back. It just snuck up on me over a 6 month period.

How dumb is that? 

I feel so dumb.

That’s as dumb as starting smoking again. Its been six years since I quit smoking.

I may as well just start smoking again if I’m going to be that dumb. 

See you in Vegas.

DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT

I’m sitting at Physical Therapy with my shoulder iced. Next to me sits a man, his shoulder is iced too. He has on an NRA hat. He’s playing with his phone to pass the time.

He hands me his phone and says “Take a look at that!”

It’s a picture of an F-4 Phantom, a workhorse of a fighter plane that’s been around since the Vietnam War.

“Oh, that’s nice” I say, and hand his phone back.

He explains to me how he used to do maintenance on them.

“Were you in Vietnam?” I ask.

“No, I enlisted just after.”

He proceeds to hand me the phone several more times, more images of fighter planes.

One is an F-15.

“Those can accelerate in a vertical climb” he explains.

“Incredible!” I say.

He hands me the phone again. This time it’s a picture of a motorcycle, with a leather holster across the gas tank and a pair of six-shooter pistols hanging on each side, a row of bullets in between. On the back there is a big leather scabbard with a sawed off 12 gauge in it.

“What do you think of that?” he asks.

I think a moment.

‘You probably would need something like that in Arizona” I say. I figure that’s fairly benign and a diplomatic approach to answer his question.

“Shoot, you need it around here these days” he tells me.

Now, I’ve lived “around here” most all my life, and never once had to blast my way out of Mexican Inn. Every now and then you hear about someone getting shot or stabbed by their girlfriend, I guess there have been a few instances of armed robbers at the Subway sandwich shop, and then that Mr. M’s over on Pipeline, some thugs a few years back came in and shot the poor clerk execution style. And I think a few weeks ago, someone tried to steal a ladies purse and a good Samaritan came along and got the perps at gunpoint and made them lay down in the parking lot until the cops arrived. That ended well, but it may not have been so smooth and easy if the perps had been armed themselves.

But it is a cool looking bike, and the leather work is good, and the six-shooters very shiny with Ivory grips.

“Is that yours” I ask?

“No, I found it online on one of my Second Amendment forums.”

“Pretty cool” I say, and hand his phone back.

He starts back to fingerpokin’ and buttonmashin’ again, and hands me back the phone. This time its text, in big red letters.

It says:

“The one card you never want to leave home without.

 Its all you need when you are out of everything else.

Its your own personal RACE CARD!
I sure love my Race Card!

It comes in handy whenever I find myself in a mess I've made.

I just bring it out and 'voila', the mess is overlooked.

In fact, there's no limit on how many times I can use it!

I highly recommend the Race Card.

Don't leave home without it." 

 BHO

Then there is a picture of the President.

I don’t know if I was supposed to laugh, haha,  or nod an acknowledgement, give the secret handshake, or punch him in the mouth.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to think the meme is proof of not being a racist, or just a real dislike for the president.

I don’t know if its something a racist might carry around to show people, or if its just a mean man that has nothing better to do.
I don't know if I would recognize it if the president were to play the race card, maybe only because I like the president.

I don’t know if its like poker, and an “anti-race card” card beats a “race card”.

So I did my best at just not reacting at all. I’m almost ashamed of that, except I’ve noticed one thing for sure.

Talking about racism is like eating spinach. You just can’t hardly do it without getting some stuck between your teeth.

My First Affair With That Older Woman

when I look back now

at the abuse I took from
her
I feel shame that I was so
innocent,
but I must say
she did match me drink for
drink,
and I realized that her life
her feelings for things
had been ruined
along the way
and that I was no more than a
temporary
companion;
she was ten years older
and mortally hurt by the past
and the present;
she treated me badly:
desertion, other
men;
she brought me immense
pain,
continually;
she lied, stole;
there was desertion,
other men,
yet we had our moments; and
our little soap opera ended
with her in a coma
in the hospital,
and I sat at her bed
for hours
talking to her,
and then she opened her eyes
and saw me:
"I knew it would be you,"
she said.
then she closed her
eyes.

the next day she was
dead.

I drank alone
for two years
after that.

CharlesBukowski

ME MUDDER

She was a real joker. You see whats going on here.

MAYFLOWER, ARKANSAS

And what does it mean if we see
The moon-glazed mountains and the town with its silent doors
And water towers, and feel like raising our voices
Just a little, or sometimes during late autumn
When the evening flowers a moment over the western range
And we imagine angels rushing down the air's cold steps
To wish us well, if we have lost our will,
And do nothing but doze, half hearing the sighs
Of this or that breeze drift aimlessly over the failed farms
And wasted gardens? These days when we waken.
Everything shines with the same blue light
That filled our sleep moments before,
So we do nothing but count the trees, the clouds,
The few birds left; then we decide that we shouldn't
Be hard on ourselves, that the past was no better
Than now, for hasn't the enemy always existed,
And wasn't the church of the world always in ruins?
- Mark Strand

Image~Congregation in Mayflower Arkansas, undaunted, continue their worship after deadly Tornado last week.

ITS A SMALL TOWN, SON

I was dove hunting at grandma’s in Grandview one time. Did pretty good along a fence line. Every now and then I’d have to hop the fence to pick up a fallen bird.
It was Labor Day, my buddy Brad was with me.
As were were leaving, a man and his kids pulled up in his truck, said he owned the property across the fence, and didn’t believe in no bird killin’ didn’t want us on his property.
“We didn’t hunt on your land sir, but I crossed the fence a couple times to pick up a bird.”
“Don’t wan’t you on there, no way no how”
“Ok, that’s fine. I'm sorry for your trouble sir.” and off to my grandma’s we went.
We watched the Cowboys with grandma that night, they whipped Baltimore 38-0 I think.
So we load up after the game to head out, and just as we are getting to the city limit, the flashing lights kicked on behind me. I pulled off to the right.
The officer comes to the window, runs my license, and pulls us both put of the car.
“Were you boys shootin’ birds over off Bois D’ Arc this evening?”
“Yessir”
“Do any good?”
“Got a coupla few”
“Well, I got a call in from the McBrides. Said ya’ll was shootin’ birds on their property. Said they asked you to leave and you told ‘em to go to hell and proceeded to clean your birds right there in front of ‘em.”
Me and Brad looked at each other, and I said “No sir, we were on the Morgans property, and a couple times we crossed the fence to pick up some dead birds, but we been doing that for years. I told them I was sorry, and wouldn’t cross the fence anymore, dead bird or not.”
He kinda eyeballed me a second and says “Well, that sounds about right. They just bought that land last year. And they crazy as hell anyway, all of ‘em. Say, you wouldn’t know who won the Cowboy game, wouldya?”

THE COUNTDOWN

I still see the Ex Mrs. Bulletholes a lot. We are really good friends. I saw her a while back and she was upset over something. I sat and listened a while and then stood up to leave.
She looked at me like 'Whats your hurry?"
I said:
“You know, you and I get along pretty well for a couple ol’ divorced people, but anytime I get around you there is a big clock somewhere that starts to countdown. Its counting down to a point where we arent getting along any more. My goal is to get out your proximity before the big hand gets to the Zero.”

SONGS WE WOULD LIKE TO HEAR STEPHEN HAWKINS SING:

“Will It Go Round in Circles?” Billy Preston

“Right Place, Wrong Time” Dr. John

“Do You Feel like We Do” Peter Frampton

“Maggie Mae” Rod Stewart…

oh what the hell…

anything by Rod Stewart.

JELLYFISH

"What we see before us is just one tiny part of the world. We get into the habit of thinking, ‘This is the world,’ but that’s not true at all. The real world is in a much darker and deeper place than this, and most of it is occupied by jellyfish and things." 
— Haruki Murakami

Every May 4th...

For me, its still like a sock to the gut.

SUBMARINE RACES

Translated from the Russian  @ Dilapidated Page
“St. Prince Vladimir looks out over Kiev from Vladimir Hill…
“This opens up a summer cinema Vladimir Hill with its evening and night sessions (only if in Kiev!), On the upper terrace - outdoor cafes where you can drink a cup of coffee, listening to the nightingale trills and admiring the immense distances of the Dnieper. Here, under the night sky, studded with big stars, kissing couples in love, in love ... explained:
Imagine several generations remember the people of Kiev Vladimir Hill location as passionate declarations of love! Graduates Kiev schools traditionally greeted the dawn after the prom is on Vladimir Hill. Romantic place.”

In other words it’s the best place in the city to go and watch the submarine races. Yes, I can see that!

"Drinking is the joy of all Rus'. We cannot exist without that pleasure."

In 988 AD Vladimir, a practicing pagan, sent envoys out to neighboring lands to look for a more politically correct and suitable religion. 

Upon reporting back, he dismissed Islam because the envoys reported there was “no gladness among them, only sorrow”. Islam was undesirable as well due to its taboo against alcoholic beverages and pork. Vladimir remarked on the occasion: "Drinking is the joy of all Rus'. We cannot exist without that pleasure."
Judaism was dismissed because the Jews had lost Jerusalem, so surely their God had abandoned them.
But the Orthodox Christianity they witness in Constantinople, where the full festival ritual of the Byzantine Church was set in motion to impress them, they found their ideal:
"We no longer knew whether we were in heaven or on earth, nor such beauty, and we know not how to tell of it"

"Give a guy enough rope and he'll hang himself"

I worked with an old man a long time ago, he must be 100 by now. He was in his 80’s when I worked with him, and sharp as could be. Strong looking too…he had been a boxer as a young man, and he said that boxing put him in such shape back then there was no way he could ever not be in good shape. Whatever he had done for the OSS during WWII, he wouldn’t talk about it much, except to say he had had a German name.
Either that or he was just full of shit.
Which he wasn’t.
Anyway, I remember him telling me one time that "in public or in private, every day we write our own epitaph."
I know I’ve written mine a few times.

LIKE JONAH

Every time I been to jail there is always one guy in there repeating the same thing over and over...
"They had NO RIGHT to pull me over! This is bull-shit!" and he is constantly trying to ring his lawyer, his lawyer who will have him out in no time because he's such a big shot.
But after 24 hours its apparent that his lawyer wont be coming, and now he has finally gotten a family member to pick up the phone. This is when the weeping wailing really begins, because the family member is going to let him rot too. Everyone is tired of saving this guy, and now he has his poor mother on the phone on a ten dollar a minute collect call and all he can say is "Don't do me this, momma, don't make me stay in here. dont do me this" over and over and over.
The only wonder to me is why he doesn't have sense enough to do what I'm doing, which is making like Jonah in the belly of the whale, fully understanding that I DESERVE to be here, and having come to that understanding, its just a matter of time before the whale vomits me back onto dry land.



I was in one time and they brought in a couple young punks. They were smiling, cutting it up, just being knuckleheads.
I asked them "What are you in for?"
"We called in a pizza, and beat up the delivery guy for his money"
I said 'That's the most chicken shit thing I ever heard. How much did you get?"
"About 16.50"
"Okee-dokee. You guys cant sit at my table anymore"
I got the feeling it wasn't their first time.

THE SHEEP LOOK UP

By John Brunner

Recommended reading for Earth Day.
SPOILER ALERT!

With the rise of a corporation-sponsored government, pollution in big cities has reached extreme levels and most (if not all) people's health has been affected in some way. The public (and scientists) are starting to stand up and revolt. For anyone who enjoys dystopian science fiction, it is a fun read. I re-read it every few years.

From the book:

"At the big Georgia paper mill the saboteur was obviously a chemist. Some kind of catalyst was substituted for a drum of regular sizing solution and vast billowing waves of corrosive fumes ruined the plant. Anonymous calls to a local TV station claimed it had been done to preserve trees. The same day, in northern California, signs were posted on a stand of redwoods that the governor had authorized for lumbering: about two hundred of the last six hundred in the state. The signs said: FOR EVERY TREE YOU KILL ONE OF YOU WILL DIE TOO. The promise was carried out with Schmiesser machine-pistols. The actual score was eighteen people for seventeen trees.

Close enough."

That’s fun, yes?

The book takes its title from a John Milton poem;

‘The hungry sheep look up, but are not fed..”

By the end of the book, rioting and civil unrest sweep the United States, due to a combination of poor health, poor sanitation, lack of food, lack of services, ineffectiveness of services (medical, policing), disillusionment with government/companies, oppressive government, civil unrest, high incidence of birth defects (pollution-induced), and other factors; all services (military, government, private, infrastructure) break down.

The book closes with a woman in England, drawing water from a well as clouds of smoke billow by.

“What’s all this?” she asks.

“America” says her husband “America is on fire”.

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

For the youngsters…

Why do they call it “unleaded” gasoline? Because gasoline used to have lead in it, and scientists in the 60’s found that lead concentrations had become very high in the environment and also in human bodies. Of course, the petroleum companies had a some scientists come in and say that the concentrations were NOT high, and we had nothing to worry about.

This may sound familiar to you concerning some things that are going on now a days..
It took 20 years, but the preponderance of evidence eventually led to legislation that eliminated lead from gasoline.

Protect Yourself! 

Happy Earth Day!

TARRAGON

From my new favorite poet~


""When I was a diplomat in BritainThirty years ago
My mother would send letters at the beginning of Spring
Inside each letter . . .
A bundle of tarragon . . .
And when the English suspected my letters
They took them to the laboratory
And turned them over to Scotland Yard
And explosives experts.
And when they grew weary of me . . . and my tarragon
They would ask: Tell us, by god . . .
What is the name of this magical herb that has made us dizzy?
Is it a talisman?
Medicine?
A secret code?
What is it called in English?
I said to them: It’s difficult for me to explain…
For tarragon is a language that only the gardens of Sham speak
It is our sacred herb . . .
Our perfumed eloquence
And if your great poet Shakespeare had known of tarragon
His plays would have been better . . .
In brief . . .
My mother is a wonderful woman . . . she loves me greatly . . .
And whenever she missed me
She would send me a bunch of tarragon . . .
Because for her, tarragon is the emotional equivalent
To the words: my darling . . .
And when the English didn’t understand one word of my poetic argument . . .
They gave me back my tarragon and closed the investigation . . ."
Nizar Qabbani
from his larger work "Damascus, what are you doing to me?"

He reminds me of Walt Whitman.

"And I don’t see myself here"

 

أدمنت احزاني
فصرت اخاف ان لا احزنا
I got addicted to my sorrows,
Until I have gotten scared of not being sorrowed.

وطعنت آلافا من المرات
حتى صار يوجعني بان لا اطعنا
And I was stabbed thousands of times,
Until it felt painful not to be stabbed.

ولعنت في كل اللغات
حتى صار يقلقني بان لا العنا
And I was cursed in all the languages,
Until I started being nervous of not being cursed.

ولقد تشابهت كل البلاد
فلا ارى نفسي هناك، ولا ارى نفسي هنا
And all the countries seemed the same,
That I don’t see myself there, And I don’t see myself here.

 

Nizar Qabbani (via ruby-moon)

THE GOATPEN

I mowed a lady's yard one summer that never seemed to have her two dollars. She would always say 'I'll pay you next week" and the next week she would say the same thing.
I also did some odd jobs around the house, like herding the 6 goats out of the living room and back into the backyard, where she would have me break up pieces of old furniture to repair the fence that constituted the Goat Pen.
Sometimes she would have me go to the store and get boxes, and when I got back she wanted me to use them to "re-enforce" the Goat Pen. "How should I do that? I would ask, and she would point to some weak spot in the pile of broken furniture, baling wire, tin roofing material and rotting pallets that served as a goat pen, and have me crawl on hands and knees to patch the breach with cardboard with pictures on cantelopes or tomatoes on it.
"Stuff it in nice and tight" she wold instruct.
Twice she asked me in for lunch, and said she was making tuna sandwiches, and I would stand by the stove and watch in horror as she assembled the sandwiches on a counter full of dirty dishes, pulling moldy bread from the wrapper to get to the "good" bread. and then trimming the black from a tomato and slicing it with some wilted lettuce, then she would open the biggest can of tuna I'd ever seen, and suddenly about a 100 cats would appear on the counter, meowingmeowingmeowing away, while she spooned tuna first onto the sandwich, and then into bowls for the cats, and finally just dumping the remainder of the can into the sink while her counter came alive with 100 more cats, meow, all trying to get to the sink like wildebeasts at the last waterhole left on the Serengeti.
Me, I would take the sandwich and do my best to pretend to eat it, but always somehow I managed to redirect it somewhere in the vicinity of the goatpen.
Finally, at the end of the day, she would tell me she hadnt been to the bank yet, but she'd be sure to go when I came back the next week to replace the goatpen, and mow her yard.
I don't know how long that went on, but at some point I stole some antiques out of her garage and tried to sell 'em.
Got caught.
I had to return her property, apologize to her, and continue to mow her yard and tend her goats, only now...

FOR FREE!
Can you believe that shit!

HEART SHAPED BRAND

I've been surprised to find that I have never written about Luminarias, the restaurant I worked at right after High School, that got me started well underway towards being a chef.
I started working there as a busboy in May of 1975, the day after I graduated High School. I ended up Head Chef a few years later.
Luminarias was a new restaurant in 1975, and had become famous for being hard to find, but once you got there the view of downtown Fort Worth was spectacular from the side of a hill east of town. and the food was new California Continental cuisine, Prime Ribs, Paella and Black Bean Soup. it was quite a change from typical Fort Worth's Chicken Fried Steak and green beans offerings.
They had patios on the hillside facing downtown, and a bar, and huge firepits on the patios, and Fort Worths finest folks would sit down there eating nachos and drinking Margaritas.
The entrance has a gurgling waterfall, and a little river that you passed over on two footbridges. The parking lot and entry were lined with paper bags weighted with sand with candles in them, ergo "Luminarias".
Once inside, you had rustic decor with all sorts of artifacts that hung on the wall, candle lit tables with cloth napkins, and pretty young waitresses in bustiers and extremely short skirts that tossed tableside your Granada Salad with the house Honey Mustard.


Every time the millionaire owner would fly in from California I would tease him that he ought to know better than to build a California restaurant on the side of a Texas hill. And he'd laugh at me. Of course he laughed; I was an 18 year old punk masquerading as Americas Next Master Chef, and he was David Tallichet, Millionaire, collector of of WWII planes, and Very Successful Restaurateur.
He explainded to me the pillars that held the foundation were bored down 80 feet and into the bedrock, and his restaurant would hold firm on that Texas Hill.
"Its not the restaurant you need to worry about" I told him "Its the damn hill"

Then two years later, I came in one morning after it had been raining for days, got my cup of coffee , went over to the window to look at downtown before starting work (which I did every day) and I got to the window at looked down and the patios were covered up in a mudslide and half the hill was gone.
I just had to laugh.

Somewhere, there is a leggy ex-waitress with a branding iron in the shape of a heart I pulled off the wall. If you see her say hello, kiss her once for me."

 

MY LITTLE MOTHS

This story reminds me of the shoes my mother in law gave my son for Christmas when he was about 6. He loved those shoes. They had moths, pretty little multi-colored moths, on them.
No one thought much about it.
Then one day his class went on a trip to the Fire Department. A fireman saw his shoes, and stared teasing him a little.
“Do you like your little butterfly shoes, son?” the fireman asked.
My son says “These aren’t butterflies mister, they are moths!”
His class, and all the fireman laughed at him.
He came home that day, just about devastated over those shoes.
Seems there is a big difference between Moths and Butterflies.
He’s always been a little leery of anything his grandma gives him for Christmas since then.

"LIBERATED WOMAN AND LIBERATED AIR"

look there.
the one you considered killing yourself
for.
you saw her the other day
getting out of her car
in the safeway parking lot.
she was wearing a torn green
dress and old dirty
boots
her face raw with living.
she saw you
so you walked over
and spoke and then
listened.
her hair did not glisten
her eyes and her conversation were
dull.
where was she?
where had she gone?
the one you were going to kill yourself
for?

the conversation finished
she walked into the store
and you looked at her automobile
and even that
which used to drive up and park
in front of your door
with such verve and in a spirit of
adventure
now looked
like a junkyard
joke.

you decide not to shop at
safeway
you’ll drive 6 blocks
east and buy what you need
at ralphs.

getting into your car
you are quite pleased that
you didn’t
kill yourself;
everything is delightful and
the air is clear.
your hands on the wheel,
you grin as you check for traffic in
the rearview mirror.

my man, you think,
you’ve saved yourself
for somebody else, but
who?

a slim young creature walks by
in a miniskirt and sandals
showing a marvelous leg.
she’s going in to shop at safeway
too.

you turn off the engine
and follow her in.

bukowski

Fully Clothed Women

"Probably for every man there is at least one city that sooner or later turns into a girl. How well or how badly the man actually knew the girl doesn’t necessarily affect the transformation. She was there, and she was the whole city, and that’s that."

— J.D. Salinger, “A Girl I Knew”

"PICK UP, LADIES!"

"Everything we paint is just a shape"

Found this marvelous water color by Joseph Zbukvic.

"Joseph Zbukvic is a leading master of watercolour medium of his time. His impressive achievements and enormous success is due to his ability to transform any subject into visual poetic language. Covering an infinite variety of subjects, his sensitive, lyrical and atmospheric paintings have captured people and galleries from all around the world.

Due to his exceptional drawing skills and extraordinary abilities in art, he is proficient in any medium. However, it is his passion for watercolours that has led him to become a unique master of that medium. Although greatly admired for his soft moody impressions of rural life, Joseph also produces strong urban scenes and powerful equestrian images. He has always had a deep connection and affection for the labourer and the common man and it is these works that are also his finest paintings ever produced in watercolour."

Check his site here.  His paintings, and his comments on each, are stunning.Very nice.

THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL

Here we see the painting by Volterra (1506), portraying the story of David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17) where the lowly shepherd boy David has brought the much larger warrior Goliath down with nothing but a small stone and sling, and now prepares to behead the giant Philistine with his own sword.
I like this painting so well because the underdog, David, wins the battle and because Goliath has such nice breasts.

REVERSE DISCRIMINATION?

 I'm still waiting to hear of a Gay florist, Antique Dealer, or Car Salesperson turning away a Methodist.

WHY MY CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS DOWN

Went to church this morning. Really, I did.

What did I learn? 

That 5% of the world population is gay; that DFW is second behind San Francisco in total gay population; that some members love Ellen but hate that a Methodist minister married a gay couple last week in Dallas; and that homosexuality is undoubtedly a choice and a sin- always has been, always will be.

I haven't fact checked any of this.

I can't tell if things have changed since I was a church boy or not. Maybe church has always been as political as it has been spiritual. I just don't remember it that way. I do remember back in 2008 attending a Sunday School class and being pretty well admonished for thinking about not voting for John McCain and Sarah Palin. I remember that real well, and I remember  Sunday Morning Coming Down.

"NOT A DRY EYE"

Written by a friend of mine whose writing skills may not be so great, but moved me more than anything I've read in a long long time. I have no good reason for it, but I have a good feeling about this one.

"Have not been shared this with my family n friends I had a lump on my throat on my lymph about a year ago was small my doctor wrote it off and lost my insurance with them for 11 months back with same doctor showed him same lump had grown he checked it out I told him it was same one he felt like it was infection because I had been battling diabetic infections so I accepted this well I had MRI done before it usually takes about 2-4 weeks to get in he expressed to his nurse to get radiation on phone he wanted me to get this checked quickly he had me appointment in two days had his nurse call me back after the MRI with in 24 hrs that it was a mass the couldn't tell from text drawing inconclusive the wanted me CScan to determine what was going on and the already have console with a cancer DR n appointment two days after this test the nurse wouldn't be calling he cleared his schedule the other DR was a friend expressed he wanted to be there I asked him y I had told him that he never listened to me before n fact the appointment before the next would be my last and I would get a new dr I was actually surprised that I was still seeing him said something to his nurse she said that after I expressed how I felt that I was confused and he would have never overlooked any kind off lump in that part off the body it is what part off lungs so he asked her to pull my charts so he could know and proven I never mentioned it to him and he checked his follow-up notes when you come into exam room the nurse checks vital s and ask what brought you in for visit and in big red letters she wrote mass on lymph glands she politely y he was telling the other nurses he New I never said and to difficult patient she didn't want to embarrass him slip it in front off him the look on his face said it all he is a young India DR she has been his nurse for 6 years and the favorite DR she had worked with in 25 years as a RN he stopped boasting and tears started coming down his cheeks and apologize for being so pompous and not any humility he was ashamed that I was probably right about not listening to me as he was telling me along with his nurse and every one who was in that circle listening he asked if the would step in and he explained y he had them there he asked me to forgive him he wasn't giving me the maximum care I our any patient deserves he wanted to be a physician because he wanted to take care off people like his father and uncles so he doesn't know where he stopped having the passion and drive off humanity that was his integrity and he was not going to pursue another contract take time off and figure out what happened to the Doctor he was and dreamed off being he asked if I could forgive him I was so moved by his brutal honesty as was his fellow employees not a dry eye I told him that anyone that knows me would have agreed with him because I'm persistent and opinionated and know it all and that my shield that I live by I will share when I know someone going to be my friend is that I'm have to be forgiven person because one day I'm going to ask them to forgive me because that is our flaws off bieng human and yes not a problem to forgive him and he might be a little to hard on himself after that bit of humanity me and himself by ourselves that he would like to continue there with me as my doctor well Monday I had the cat scan the decided to give me a low dose of chemo after the tech said from the measurement the sent her it had shrink but she couldn't tell me wat diagnosis is just encouraging so I go find out Monday I told my doctor that if outcome was cancer I wasn't going to do chemo because anyone I have known our loved never seen a positive outcome I would walk with faith that would be better chance to find that faith off the mustard seed that somewhere lost time to find that through the God that has loved me and protect me never abounded me like I have him hopefully have to be outcome is infection but doesn't hurt to ask my friends and family to pray for a positive outcome the power off many in prayer has always worked out what ever God's will is supposed to be will accept his decision and I will continue to pray for ya to thanks"

CRYSTALLIZATION

"To fall in love. Does it occur suddenly or gradually? If gradually, when is the moment "already"? I would fall in love with a monkey made of rags. With a plywood squirrel. With a botanical atlas. With an oriole. With a ferret. With a marten in a picture. With the forest one sees to the right when riding in a cart to Jaszuny. With a poem by a little-known poet. With human beings whose names still move me. And always the object of love was enveloped in erotic fantasy or was submitted, as in Stendhal, to a "crystallization," so it is frightful to think of that object as it was, naked among the naked things, and of the fairy tales about it one invents. Yes, I was often in love with something or someone. Yet falling in love is not the same as being able to love. That is something different."
 - Czesław Miłosz

NOT GOING AWAY

I broke my shoulder a long time ago. It swelled up immediately, while my body went into shock and I threw up. I looked over on my shoulder and there was a bump about the size of my fist. My buddy came running over.
“Dude! You're going to have to go to the emergency room!” he said.
I looked at the big bump again. Now its about half the size of my head.
I said “The emergency room? I don’t think so. Lets wait a minute, maybe it will go away.”
He just cracked up. “Dude, that’s NOT going away!”

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN

"I was sitting with a zen monk and I couldn’t stop looking out the window in front of me.
“Why are you looking out the window,” he asked, “concentrate on your posture.”
I tried to bring my attention back to my posture but I soon found myself drawn outwards again to the window in front of me.
Smiling, he asked me “Are you a a writer?”
“Yes.”
“I feel so sorry for you,” he said laughing."
Luke Storms @ Crashingly Beautiful

IMAGE~ Andrew Wyeth, "Love in the Afternoon." 

ROCK AND ROLL HOOCHIE-KOO

“This is true happiness: to have no ambition and to work like a horse as if you had every ambition. To live far from men, not to need them and yet to love them. To have the stars above, the land to your left and the sea to your right and to realize of a sudden that in your heart, life has accomplished its final miracle: it has become a fairy tale.” 
― Nikos Kazantzakis, Zorba the Greek
Image~Fyodor Chaliapin as Eryomka in Serov’s opera The Power of Evil, Moscow 1916.

DRY SACK AND CIGARETTES

"For once, I hardly noticed what I ate
(salmon and broccoli and Saint-Véran).
My elbow twitched like jumping beans; sweat ran
into my shirtsleeves. Could I concentrate
on anything but your leg against mine
under the table? It was difficult,
but I impersonated an adult
looking at you, and knocking back the wine.
Now that we both want to know what we want,
now that we both want to know what we know,
it still behooves us to know what to do:
be circumspect, be generous, be brave,
be honest, be together, and behave.
At least I didn't get white sauce down my front."

"Runways Café II" by Marilyn Hacker

SOMEWHERE ABOVE RIO

“One of the greatest gifts we receive from the Twelve Steps is our belief in a God of our own understanding…The Twelve Steps gently lead us toward a spiritual awakening. The steps are our path to a relationship with a God of our understanding. This Higher Power gives us strength when our road gets rough…
Are we grateful for our deepening relationship with a Higher Power? Do we remember to thank God for each day clean, no matter what has happened that day? Do we remember that, no matter how deep our despair or how great our joy, the God of our understanding is with us?”

From “Just for Today” Daily Meditation, back, oh, a couple weeks ago.
Image~ Somewhere above Rio de Janeiro

WINGS OF DESIRE

“I can’t see you, but I know you’re here. I feel it. You've been hanging around since I got here. I wish I could see your face. Just look into your eyes and tell you how good it is to be here. Just to touch something. See that’s cold; that feels good. Or to smoke. Have coffee. Or if you do it together, that’s fantastic. Or to draw. You know, you take a pencil and you make a dark line, then you make a light line and together it’s a good line. Or when your hands are cold and you rub them together. See that’s good, that feels good. There’s so many good things, but you’re not here. I’m here. I wish you were here. I wish you could talk to me…cuz I’m a friend.”

—Peter Falk’s character communicating with an angel in Wim Wenders remarkable film, Wings of Desire. 

WITH GOD ON OUR SIDE

"I thought I am seeing some lot of very happy people. They deserved to win."
Vladislov Tretiak, Russian goalie from the 1980 Russian team, when asked what thoughts were going through his head while the Americans celebrated their upset victory at Lake Placid.
Sounds like a really nice guy to me. 

I've been taught as an American my whole life to be afraid of, to be untrusting of, and for lack of a better word to hate certain peoples and groups. Indians, Negros, Russians; Communists, Socialists, Anti-War Protesters; Gays, Non-Christians, Academics; these days its Muslums, the 47% and anyone in American whose English is not so good.
I'm not buying it anymore.

SHOULD HAVE FELT IT IN MY HEART

Dorothy: "...if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?"
Glinda: "That's all it is!"
Scarecrow: "But that's so easy! I should have thought of it for you."
Tin Man: "I should have felt it in my heart."

BUILDING A MYSTERY

Alpha 5: Do you make any distinction between the mystery of the laws of knowledge and the laws of love?
Johnson: In my opinion, there is no mystery..."

In my opinion, there is no mystery; it may look like mystery, but its mostly suspense.

"I've been riding on the crest of a slump lately"

TOM WAITS

But dont count ol' Bulletholes out yet...

FULLY CLOTHED WOMEN

"I was reading a book about pleasure,
how you have to glide through it
without clinging
like an arrow
passing through a target,
coming out the other side and going on."
 - Tony Hoagland
from The Impossible Dream