THE RIP

Believe me, the photo does not portray the talent for dissipating (i.e. to be extravagant or dissolute in the pursuit of pleasure) that this young man has. It almost matches my own.
He graduates high School next week.
He wants to be a Rock Star.
For his Senior Project he wrote the lyrics to a song and conmposed the music for it and played and sang in front of a live audience.
He actually wrote 3 songs. The one I liked was "Free the Tadpoles" but he tells me he went with one called "We Have a Breakthrough". This may be quite fitting for him, as he has made some big changes the last several months and has stayed out of the usual trouble he often found himself in.
In addition to having inherited my wicked ways he also inherited a less than polished version of my own bullfrog voice along with tone-deafness so this was a major accomplishement.
He and I have had our differences, but I am very proud of him!

GREAT LINES FROM THE MOVIES

In the Movie ‘The Graduate”, Mr Robinson confronts Ben Braddock (played by Dustin hoffman) concerning the affair Ben is having with Mrs. Robinson. Young Ben tries to downplay the intensity of the romance saying that the affair is not much more than “A handshake”
Mr. Robinson is defiant…
‘A Handshake? That’s not saying much for my wife is it?”

A really pretty song is used to good effect in this movie...not all these lyrics were used by Simon and Garfunkle, the arrangement is traditional.
The idea behinfd the song is that true love is an impossibility; I prefer to think it is possible, but runs against the grain of our worldly selves.

My favorite part of the Movie is after Elaine is married still at her grooms side and Ben is rattling that glass in the foyer calling her name so desperately. Elaine hears him and reaches a point where her connection to his despair so outweighs the vows she has just taken that she cries his name in response..."BEN!"
And they run catch a bus out of town.
Impossible.
I love it.

Scarborough Fair
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
For once she was a true love of mine

Have her make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seam nor fine needle work
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to weave it in a sycamore wood lane
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all with a basket of flowers
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Have her wash it in yonder dry well
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
where water ne'er sprung nor drop of rain fell
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Have her find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the sea foam and over the sand
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Plow the land with the horn of a lamb
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Then sow some seeds from north of the dam
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
And then she'll be a true love of mine

f she tells me she can't, I'll reply
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Let me know that at least she will try
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Love imposes impossible tasks
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Though not more than any heart asks
And I must know she's a true love of mine

Dear, when thou has finished thy task
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Come to me, my hand for to ask
For thou then art a true love of mine

WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU'RE FLABBERGASTED

I LIKE IT WHEN SHE BLOWS HER HOT BREATH INTO MY EAR AND LOWERS...
Hold it...thats a Kink, not a quirk

A tag... I n-n-n-eeded one.
Six unremarkable quirks..."unremarkable"...Isn't that what an M.D. says about an X-Ray?
Rules? Oh yeah, the rules...my Dogs Flea's ate the rules. That is to say, our fleas.

Ice Cream is good with a fork. So is a bad road. A fork will allow you to spoon into the coldest, most solidly frozen block of Blue Bell in the country direct into your trap.. Watch out though…if you go too fast you will get a brain freeze…or a speeding ticket…haha,m a Speed Trap!

Dryer sheets if I remember. None if I don’t. Detergent, almost always. Once I start Laundry I always see it through to the end. Hung up?Rather, dear.

Pay with cash. Don’t keep any money around. If anyone asks about money, do what I do and play it dumb. A good place for keeping money is in an old coffee can or taped behind a picture. Ugly pictures are least prone to thievery.

I like my sweetener sweet. The creamy cream is the best too. I used to drink my coffee black because I didn’t have time to doctor it up. Life was passing me by. Now I like it with about 15 packs of sugar and a couple of few of those Fancy creamers. I like my Hazels Nuts.

I sometimes talk to things. Not really talk I guess but I at least say hello. Like when I open the Refrigerator, and the carton of milk is just waiting there I will say “Hello Milk, you look good today”, or maybe I’ll say “Whazzup, Cookies?”. Of course they never talk back and I wouldn’t quite expect them to. If I don’t have something nice to say, I don’t say anything t’all.

Barbara tagged me with this and she and I share a quirk. We both put the empty eggshells back into the carton as we crack them. I wonder if she shares another Kitchen quirk with me, that is, does she also leave cabinet doors open? Not just one door for a moment but almost every door open all the time? If I go into the Kitchen I start opening doors and I do not close them. I have awakened in the morning and walked into the kitchen to find every cabinet door standing wide open from the day before.

So, anyone reading this has been infected...i mean tagged... to list six unremarkables regearding tnhemselves.
It just may be that the most we could say about anybody is "That was the most unremarkable person I've ever known."

JACK AND JENNY

Red Dirt Girl, the Red scribbler, Miss Kitty Cat, 49 Indian, Dorothy in Oz, The Pointy Heeled One, and sometimes Anonymouse... has channeled this to me and wants it posted right away.
She may have been having a little Donkey trouble lately...

"I have always had a problem with donkeys: stubborn, biting, irascible creatures who often think they are mules.
I could never quite figure out how to get their donkey rears in gear.
I've tried the golden carrot on a stick trick - no bite.

hmmm .....
I even tried parading other sexy donkeys in front of him:
Okay... got maybe a "HEE HAW " and a Horses laugh.... but still immovable.
I began to really feel like a Red Dirt Loser.

I mean, well - how HARD IS IT to get your ASS in gear ?? "

"Ahhhh........ if I had only known ....... how simple and how, how ....... perfectly right. And to think I wasted all that time ........trying to out-Mule a Mule!"

RED DIRT GIRL

MISSISSIPPI

it didn't stop at Kent State...
The show headed south to Jackson State.
There were two students killed and 12 wounded when 75 Local and State Police opened fire during a protest/riot on campus.
I've never been to college, but I would imagine that for an 18-19 year old the first few years are among the most tumultuous years that they will experience, and a time of change; perhaps the last major convulsion of childhood.
I doubt that there were ever changes of such magnitude as those faced by the students on campuses in the late 60's.

I mean, I felt in even in the 7th Grade.
My first reaction was like that of many Americans, even parents of kids that had been at Kent State....those Students had it coming.
They shouldn't have been protesting, but rather supporting our efforts in Southeast Asia.
It took a few months to sink in.

It took a few months to conclude that pissing in the Pond at the Mall. or sitting on the steps in front of a College and refusing to move shouldn't be cause for someone to shoot at you or beat you with a stick
And it took a few months to establish that sticking a flower down the barrel of a rifle, or verbal taunts, or even taking a giant shit on a statue of Thomas Jeffferson shouldn't be reason for someone to kill you.
It took no great leap from there to find that throwing rocks was not a good reason for Armed and Helmeted National Guardsmen to fire a volley from Assault Rifles into a crowd of Students.

Of course, the Niven Law might never have been abstracted were it not for all these things, the first of which is:

1) Never throw shit at an armed man.
1a) Never stand next to someone who is throwing shit at an armed man.

May 4, 1970

"Those few days after Kent State were among the darkest of my Presidency"
Richard Nixon (Click here)

Pretty damn dark, I'd say.

I don't know that there has been an event in history during my lifetime that precipitated any more of a change in me than this one.

I stopped cutting my hair.

This picture still haunts me.

“From my Post last year
“…on the Horizon loomed an event so great that many of those that had been unsure about the War, and the protest, would become fanatics against the War. Up to and including everyday housewives and former members of the Establishment.”

LSD

Albert Hofmann died.
He discovered LSD and rode a Bicycle home.
At the same time.
What a trip.

$360 BILLION HOT CHECK

NEWS FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD....
Free Checks...No Fees
He just wanted to start his own Record label.
With that kind of money he could retire.
He told his girlfriends mother to "go ahead and pick a little something up for yourself too,".
When they picked him up, patiently waiting for his cash at the bank, he had a gun and a little dope in his pocket.
Big surprise.


"and i laughed to myself
at the men and the ladies
who never concieved
of us billion dollar babies"
alice cooper

ARTS AND CRAFTS (redux)

I FORGOT TO FINISH THIS ONE...conclusion to follow


A lady found a Masterpiece in the trash 4 years ago. She said "I knew it had Power"
It is now worth One Million Dollars.

When I was in the 5th Grade, Greg, Dave and I used to do a little trash pickin'.
Sometimes we would find old skates that could be turned into skateboards.
Sometimes we would find an old Baseball glove, or Basketball Hoop or even a Guitar with most of its strings.
But the real Trophy Trash was the Playboy Magazine.
And when you found one, you usually found about a dozen more right with it. some of them would probably be worth a lot of money today.
We would drool over the pictures and giggle over the cartoons, pretending we knew what was so funny.
We knew they had power.

Dave was in my Art Class at School and we did Pottery one week. I molded my clay and was just about to slide my creation into the Kiln when it caught Mrs. McGuilligotcha's eye.
"One moment Mr. Bulletholes, what is that you have there"
"Its a Rabbit"
"Let me see that" and she took my Rabbit.
She surveyed my Bas-Relief Rabbit with the Bow-Tie and Cocked Ear while I put on my most innocent face.


"That IS NOT a Rabbit"
she said as she turned my little Playboy Logo into a lump of clay "Do something else."
I was dyin' to say
"What d'ya mean "not a Rabbit"?"
but she was givin' me that look that says
"Thin Ice ahead, keep your trap shut!"


"Damn, that was beautiful " Dave whispered to me as I started to fashion my next little project.
"Wait'll ya get a load of this..." I whispered back, having forgotten all about the thin ice.


The Conclusion…I remembered back to the January 1967 issue of Playboy, the one with Jayne Mansfield and the great interview with Fidel Castro that we had found in the trash.
But I was more interested in the centerfold girl Surraye Marsh.
Mrs. McGilligotcha had squashed my Rabbit, but now I was working on my masterpiece, a Mermaid.
A MERMAID!
It was making my mouth water.
The long flowing hair, the slender waist giving way to a well rounded derriere and those hips…
But what was critical were the breasts in my Sculpture; it was the breasts that would make or break it…especially the nipples.
A Mermaid!
What a splendid idea!
A Mermaid!
Could there be any subject more suited to an Artist?
Combining Myth with Reality, Hans Christian Anderson with Rodin, I would probably win a prize for this one!
A Mermaid!
She was gorgeous, she was built …she was the most fantastic piece of ass you’ve ever laid eyes on.

And I hope that you aren’t too disappointed to find that I did not Sculpt this anatomically correct specimen of femininity in my 6th Grade Art class.
I put the finishing touches to her and placed her lovingly on my Smoked Salmon display.
She was made of Cream Cheese, and I was no longer a 5th Grade Art Student, but a Garde-Manger at a nice Hotel and I became famous for my Cream Cheese Mermaids.
Every time I made one, I thought about Dave, I thought about that bunny, and I thought about Mrs. MacGilligotcha.

No, I didn't make a mermaid in Mrs. MacGilligotcha's Art class, but damn...
I wish I had!

DIAL 9-11

Penis-snatching?
I liked the sound of that!
Until I read the article...

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny"

GREAT LINES FROM THE MOVIES

ARE SOMETIMES UNSPOKEN...

Seabisquit is a disturbed horse, picked out by a disturbed Trainer named Smith, for a disturbed man wanting to buy a Racehorse.

One of the Great Lines from this movie is unspoken...

We see the trainer has three men trying to keep Seabisquit at bay and tells a potential jockey to be careful “the horse is a little touchy”.
Seabisquit is reared back on his two hind legs, snorting and neighing in an agitated state.

Next we see the Jockey walking away, telling Smith ‘That horse is crazy”
Smith wonders aloud where he will find a Jockey that can ride Seabisquit.

That’s when he spots Red Pollard, a deeply disturbed part time Jockey, part time boxer.
Pollard is swinging an empty bucket as he screams “Cmon you sons of bitches, I’ll take you all on” and like Seabisquit he battles 3 men.

Smith sees this scene, and looks back to where Seabisquit, still reared up, is giving his 3 men all they can handle.
He looks again to Pollard and back again to Seabisquit…to Pollard and back again to Seabisquit...it is a match and he has found his Jockey.
There is no dialogue and the audience is left to make the obvious connection for themselves.

Seabisquit goes on to become a great racehorse despite his lack of size and style.
Pitted against the great War Admiral in a match race, Seabisquit beats the odds and delights a nation.
40 Million people (1/3 of the Nation) tuned their radios in to listen to the race.

“You don’t throw a whole life away just because its banged up a little”
Smith, concerning a horse with a bad leg about to be shot

"Angeline"

"Angeline, Angeline
Darker nights I've never seen
I do love your East Texas pines
But I can't find my sleep
In your shadows so deep and
Dark as the doubts in my mind"

I always wanted to retire to East Texas, run a Bait and Tackle Shop and Lawnmower Repair Service.

Small friendly towns with smalltown people that roll up the sidewalks at a Quarter past Six.

In the Angelina National Forest there are small lakes and large resevoirs filled with mossbeds full of Black Bass and Opelousa Catfish. I would keep an eye out for the little Red Cocked Woodpecker, endangered since 1973. Best keep a sharp eye for ol' Water Moccasin too.

Lately there are disturbing rumors and reports coming out of that once pristine and untouched wilderness that I enjoyed so much as a barefoot city boy posing as a toeheaded country boy a few weeks every year.

Its even on the Website...

Fishing Advisory:

Largemouth bass at Ratcliff Lake, Bouton Lake, Boykin Springs, and Double Lake have recently shown elevated levels of mercury. This is a common occurrence in East Texas lakes.

HAPPY EARTH DAY

FORT WORTH BOY

WITH A REAL BAD ATTITUDE....
James McMurtry
follows his Video from from 2 years ago that gained national recognition
with a new Album out today titled "Just us Kids" ....

There is a contest at You Tube to submit a video for his latest from said album...

"Cheney's Toy"

Another unknown soldier
Another lesson learned
Kick the gas can over
Strike a match get back and watch that sucker burn
Keep smiling for the camera
Keep waving to the crowd
Don't let up for an instant
Stay the course and make your mama proud



You're the man
Show'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
You're the man
That they're all afraid of
But you're only Cheney's toy

Another unknown soldier
Who's seen it all before
All in the name of Jesus
Behind the razor wire and shackled to the floor
Just keep smiling at the cameras
And keep that twinkle in your eye
We don't need to know the answers
Long as we're safe, just hit your marks and say your lines



You're the man
Show 'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
Take a stand
Give 'em what they paid for
Cause you're only Cheney's toy



They'll take a fork and turn you over
While the fat lady sings
One more pin on one more shoulder
Is all the future brings
For another unknown soldier
Who don't know his own name
And he won't get any older
And he can't see for the shrapnel in his brain



You're the man
Show 'em what you're made of
You're no longer daddy's boy
Take a stand
Give 'em what they paid for
'Cause you're only Cheney's toy

Words and Music by James McMurtry

"I PLAY A TIRESOME GAME"

MC ESCHER

My latest Kitchen Nightmare….

I come in to work in my present position as an “Ops Specialist II” and the first thing I do is strip down to my Boxer /Briefs (yellow in fronT, brown in back) and sit down at my Computer.
In the next room is the Employee Cafeteria and if anyone wants something to eat, I will put my clothes back on, wash my hands, and fix it for them.
Then I will strip back down and start to work at the Computer again.
Something doesn’t seem right about working in my drawers but it is quite comfortable, just as it is right now, and I’m not one to complain about everything.

It is a busy day. In fact Corporate HDQ people are coming through the door. We don't get to see them very often, so this is a real treat.

I stand and greet each one with a warm handshake as they admire my physique.
The women are especially friendly today; I have been taking vitamins and my hair is fuller, or else my head has grown smaller.

Grown smaller?

The CEO of the company enters, I introduce myself and he asks if I might fix him some Breakfast.
’What would you like this morning?’ I inquire.
‘Biscuits” he says.
‘Biscuits it is” I snap back, trying to hide my disappointment.

You see, in the Kitchen there, we have everything. And we have a HUGE Freezer where the Bisquits are kept. It is so huge a river runs through it.
But I can NEVER, I mean NEVER find the damn Biscuits. It don’t matter how long I look.

I get my clothes on and go into the Freezer, knowing I am more likely to find Admiral Byrd or Peary or Daniel Webster in there than I am to find a single Biscuit.
I enter like I’m stepping into a time machine.

Its very cold, and even with my clothes on my balls start to draw up.
Shelves reach a mile high, filled with boxes. I cannot see the back wall, and the side walls run to the horizon.

Surely this Freezer was built by MC Escher.

But just on the other side (Of The River That Runs Through It) I find a box that says “Pillsbury”.
No Shit. How bout that?
Hallelujah!
I grab it and clutch it to my breast!
Eureka!
I make my way back across the Frozen Tundra, past Saint Alphonsos Pancake Breakfast, and just as I reach the door leading me back to the Kitchen and the CEO or whatever the hell this guy is, I look inside the box.

Damn….its Dinner Rolls!

To make a long dream short, I came up with every frozen Bread product that exists and never did find the Biscuits.

"DONT SWEAT THE LOSSES

JUST LET 'EM GO...
j.mcmurtry


Well, I said in a comment to Gewels yesterday that I seemed to be a different person from a few months ago.
I took a Personality Test at her site and my answers to the Questions were quite different from what they would have been a few months back, and my posts aqnd comments reflect an Altered State.
I have been posting more trrying to worm my way through this.
I have no explanation for this but it is probably a good time to go ahead and talk about something I haven’t been able to till now.
In fact, I'll probably let this run at the top for a while....

My daughter, The Water Baby, came home at Spring Break from her Freshman Year at College and decided to withdraw. It was a very hard and traumatic decision for her and for the last month I have been trying to help her get over the many feelings she has about this.

Which really amounts to just trying to keep my big mouth shut. I know from my own experience that the last thing she needs is a lot of good advice and to talk about it.
And she is starting to get it back together….she has taken a job, a good job-40 hours a week too…and she may take a class or two at the Community College this Summer or Fall.
I also note that she has even been able to write a bit about it.
Go tell her she ain't alone.

She may have felt shamed and defeated but she is a Champion in my eyes.
If there was one thing I wanted her to know, it was that we get a lot of chances in this ol’ life and

"There are times when we are mandated to attempt something that we are unable to fulfill and we learn that the real mandate is to be able to stand guiltless in the face of whatever predicament it was we found ourselves in."

GREAT LINES FROM THE MOVIES

Apocalypse Now

Jay "Chef" Hicks, a Chef from New Orleans serving in Vietnam, is almost eaten by a Tiger in the Jungle. He is delirious, scared stupid and can only repeat the advice of the Chief of the Boat....

"stay in the boat, stay in the boat, stay in the boat..."

The narrator takes over....

Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were goin' all the way. Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole fuckin' program.

But this movie is chock full of great lines...

One more shall we?

"If I say its safe to surf this beach Captain, then its safe to surf this beach. I mean I'm not afraid to surf this place, I'll surf this whole fucking place!

then later...

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end... "

Colonel Kilgore, as played by Robert Duval

AND THE STARTING TIME IS ALWAYS DIFFERENT

“You know, you and I get along pretty well for a couple ol’ divorced people, but anytime I get around you there is a big clock somewhere that starts to countdown. My goal is to get out of your proximity before the big hand gets to the Zero.”

NO SUCH THING

I was telling Shila, my Ex wife about the downstairs neighbor who asked me if I would come down to ‘fry a chicken and make gravy since you are a Chef”
‘Sure” says I.

Got the bird fried and started making gravy….she comes in looking over my shoulder and says “oh, I can tell you make gooood gravy”
I just smiled up at her and so she then says ‘I bet you make good lovin’ too!”
Now I really wasn’t attracted to this woman and sometimes the best defense is a good offense, so I looked her full on and said
“Lady, are you askin’ for a DEMONSTRATION?” and she went running out of the Kitchen .

Shila says ‘So what happened then?”

“Well it took a minute but she came tip-toeing back in and said ‘Well, maybe just a little bit of one!”
And Shila bust out laughin’ and I ask "Whats so funny”
Shila says ‘Did you tell her theres no such thing as a little bit?’
‘No” says I “I went running out of that apartment and back upstairs where I belong!”

GET OFF THAT TELEPHONE

Yeah, I know I keep posting up lyrics, but I keep on calling songs to mind...and Greg Brown, the big Preachers son Iowa Farm boy with the voice of a Grizzly Bear is always good with his tenderhearted truthfullness...

I was jabberin' away on my cell phone today in line at ...wherever...and I realized for the umpteenth time that I was so distracted I may as well have been...well... on the Moon.
The call was not important, none of them ever really are...so I said
"I'll call you back, I want to talk to a cashier" and hung up.
I had a nice conversation with the cashier. Its not the first time I've done this.

The people behind me looked at me like I was...well... from the Moon.



'Cept You & Me, Babe

half the people you see these days are talking on cell phones
driving off the road & bumping into doors
people used to spend quite a bit of time alone
i guess nobody's lonely anymore
'cept you & me babe 'cept you & me

it's raining sheets of rain everything is cold and wet
nobody's going out of doors
they're all at home living it up on the internet
so i guess nobody's lonely any more
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

people meet somebody new & they leave the rest behind
we can have it all even though our lives are short
the kids they'll get used to it it happens all the time
no one is even surprised any more
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

i take my coffee black or with a little cream
i wake up every morning with the sun
i wanted to be your man that was nothing but a sweet dream
i always tell the truth to everyone
'cept you and me babe 'cept you and me

Mike...

is quite different from most on my links, but decidedly similar.
I have added him to my link list after my recent hiatus because of the stories he tells and the way he tells them. He is a Bullethole wrapped in an If of an Og.

His profile seems to explain it all in advance.