BEING OK...FOR A DAY!

Thoughts, continued from "knock-knees"

Tommy thought:
“Why the fuck is it so hard to be Okay?”

I wonder this sometimes, like when the laundry is piled up and I am tempted to wear yesterdays socks…OK….whenever I find myself wearing yesterdays socks.
Or when I start the dishwasher and even though its full, there is still another half load of dishes in the sink.
I live by myself...do you know how many days you have to avoid doing dishes to create that scenario?
Or when I can’t find my shoes and look all over the place and finally find the lost one behind the couch.
Who kicks a shoe off to have it land behind the couch?
Or when I look for my keys in all the usual places only to discover that…there are no “Usual “ places. They could be anywhere.
Or when I wake up in the morning and there is nothing for breakfast, even though there is money for groceries, and I have to stop somewhere on my bicycle, which I didn't want to ride, but I have no car and no choice, and wind up eating a $7 breakfast when a bowl of cereal would have sufficed.

And these are just little things…

I’ve spent most of the last 15 years using a couch as a bed. This is a bigger thing thqn you might imagine, you who have slept in a bed for most of your sleeping life. Last year, about the time I had begun to sleep in my bed, I gave it away.
I think part of the reason I gave it away is a fear of doing things that make me seem OK.
Sleeping on a couch full time is not OK. So, in the interest of being OK, I bought a new bed 6 weeks ago. I noticed right away that having bought that bed, suddenly laundry was getting done more regular, that I was doing half loads of dishes, and that my keys, even though I still couldn’t find them, my keys were on the Key Hook!
What a concept…
But you know what?
Its hard to stay OK for long, and over the period of a few weeks, my laundry is starting to suffer, and last night I did a load of dishes, but a load didn’t get them all, and right now I am wearing yesterdays socks and can’t find my keys anywhere.

But that’s OK man.
I was OK for a while and even if I’m not OK right now…..
I’m still a bed ahead!

I have spent 3 of the last 4 years without a car. I'm not sure how I've done it but I have, and while it helped to make me OK for a while, it is now a part of me being "Not OK"
But Thursday, I am buying a truck.
And I''ll bet that truck will be like that bed, and I'll be a little more OK for a while because of it, but then at some point I will be less OK in spite of it, but thats OK....
I'll still be a Truck ahead!

I'll be a bed and a Truck ahead!
Hooray!