ON HAZELNUTS

I had this squirrel in my backyard. I tossed him a peanut. He just looked the other way. I took another peanut, shelled it for him and gave it a toss. He shot sideways 90 degrees and scrambled up the nearest tree.
A few days later he was out there. I tossed him a pecan. He looked at it, glared at me, and slowly hopped over to the neighbors porch.
Thanksgiving rolled around and I had some nice walnuts. Went to the backyard and tossed him one. He took a half step towards the nut, sniffed the air for a moment, and went back to rustling under the leaves. I said "You must be some high class squirrel to be turning down big fat walnuts" and I went and bought a bag of macadamias. 
Next time I saw him I went and tossed him a macadamia, the most Hawaiian of all the nuts. He hopped over to it, sniffed it, even picked it up in his little squirrel paws and rolled it around a few times. Then he dropped it. This squirrel sits back on his haunches, folds his little squirrel arms across his chest, raises one eyebrow, looks at me again with the glaring.
"Aghhh" I said. "What kind of fucking nut do you want you little asshole?"
And he says "Hazelnuts. I'm holding out for Hazelnuts. Some people call them filberts. How 'bout you fetch me some filberts?"