Tuesday, March 26, 2019


Ok, so I’m one of these guys that likes to name things. Just like in the bible, you know where they said we get to name the beasts?
Well, I like name my household appliances. 
My toaster, Brownie. 
My oven, Roger. 
The blender I like to call Miss DiPesto, after Agnes DiPesto, the extremely loyal and quirky receptionist for the Blue Moon Detective Agency who always answers the phone in rhyme. 
The bedroom bookshelf is named Dusty.
The washer and dryer, Dagwood and Blondie.
I even named my toilet.
Say hello to Dallas.

Monday, March 25, 2019


I dreamed a couple Jarheads in a Humvee approached me. They needed me to help them load up some ammo from the ammo closet. They took me to the ammo closet, it was just a little closet door with a lock on it, and we started loading the boxes of ammo into the Humvee.. . One of the boxes of ammo came open. Instead of bullets, there were those little candles, like what you use under a food warmer. I said "Guys, theres nothing but candles in these ammo boxes" "Thats right" they said "Ammo" And we kept loading the boxes. When the Humvee was full, I went to lock the ammo closet door shut, but couldnt find the lock. "Hey guys" I said "Where is the lock for the ammo closet" They said "Aw, dont worry about it. There's nothing in there but candles" I knew we should have locked that closet.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019


Dorothy: Why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?
Professor Marvel: Do you know any? Oh, you mean the thing. [gesturing to his sign] I never do anything without consulting my crystal first. Let's go inside, and I'll show you..This is the same, genuine magic authentic crystal used by the priests of Isis and Osiris in the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt, in which Cleopatra first saw the approach of Julius Caesar and Marc Antony. And so on and so on. Now, you, uh, you'd better close your eyes for a moment, my child, so I can be in better tune with the infinite. [looks through her basket] We can't do these things without reaching out into the infinite. That's all right now, you can open them. We'll look into the crystal. What's this I see? A house with a picket fence and a barn with a weather vane of a...of a... running horse.
Dorothy: That's our farm.
Professor Marvel: I see a woman. She's wearing a polka-dot dress. Her face is careworn.
Dorothy: That's Auntie Em.
Professor Marvel: Her name is Emily.
Dorothy: That's right. What's she doing?
Professor Marvel: Well I, uh, I can't quite see. Why, she's crying. Someone has hurt her. Someone has just about broken her heart.
Dorothy: Me?
Professor Marvel: Well, it's uh, someone she loves very much. Someone she's been very kind to. Someone she's taken care of in sickness.
Dorothy: I had the measles once and she stayed right by me every minute. What's she doing now?
Professor Marvel: Well, she's, uh...What's this? Well, she's, she's putting her hand on her heart. Oh, she's, she's dropping down on the bed.
Dorothy: Oh, no, no, no.
Professor Marvel: Uh, that's it, the crystal's gone dark.
Dorothy: You don't suppose she could really be sick, do you? Oh, I've got to go home right away.

Wednesday, March 06, 2019


I was ready with it… I put it in your hand as soon as you walked in the door. I had been waiting for you, for this… tradition, for this… thing we do, just you and I…
To tell you the truth, it’s the kissing, afterward, that I look forward to the most… the never tiresome, never-ending bitterness of your mouth, of your lips, on the first ninety degree day of the year after gin rickeys.
- The poet known only as Peregrine


Steve to Dave Mows Grass
"Remember how I drove 300 miles to get you to go to Kansas City and see Black Sabbath, and we drove all day to the hotel room and got a couple hours rest before the show, and when we got to Sprint Center, just before we got in line for the show, and I discovered the Black Sabbath tickets weren't in my pocket? That the possibility existed I had left them at the hotel, or lost them at the Wendy's where we stopped to eat? And we had to go all the way back to the car, fourth floor garage parking, hoping against all hope they were in the car? 
That's as close to breaking into a full run as I've been in years."

Dave to Steve
"You're such a mess, Steve Renfro! You understand me better than anyone else, but as a person who goes through a mental checklist before even getting up from a toilet, I admit that I still don't quite understand you. While I worry every second of every minute of every day, asleep or awake, it's as if you never worry at all. That is until you realize the Sabbath tickets aren't in your pocket, then all the worrying you should have been doing for the last several days kicks in in one giant cardiac event. I'm sure I was laughing when you broke into a dead run in that parking garage, your giant head engorged with bright red blood like a bloated tick. Comical terror!"