Wednesday, February 26, 2014


Written by a friend of mine whose writing skills may not be so great, but moved me more than anything I've read in a long long time. I have no good reason for it, but I have a good feeling about this one.

"Have not been shared this with my family n friends I had a lump on my throat on my lymph about a year ago was small my doctor wrote it off and lost my insurance with them for 11 months back with same doctor showed him same lump had grown he checked it out I told him it was same one he felt like it was infection because I had been battling diabetic infections so I accepted this well I had MRI done before it usually takes about 2-4 weeks to get in he expressed to his nurse to get radiation on phone he wanted me to get this checked quickly he had me appointment in two days had his nurse call me back after the MRI with in 24 hrs that it was a mass the couldn't tell from text drawing inconclusive the wanted me CScan to determine what was going on and the already have console with a cancer DR n appointment two days after this test the nurse wouldn't be calling he cleared his schedule the other DR was a friend expressed he wanted to be there I asked him y I had told him that he never listened to me before n fact the appointment before the next would be my last and I would get a new dr I was actually surprised that I was still seeing him said something to his nurse she said that after I expressed how I felt that I was confused and he would have never overlooked any kind off lump in that part off the body it is what part off lungs so he asked her to pull my charts so he could know and proven I never mentioned it to him and he checked his follow-up notes when you come into exam room the nurse checks vital s and ask what brought you in for visit and in big red letters she wrote mass on lymph glands she politely y he was telling the other nurses he New I never said and to difficult patient she didn't want to embarrass him slip it in front off him the look on his face said it all he is a young India DR she has been his nurse for 6 years and the favorite DR she had worked with in 25 years as a RN he stopped boasting and tears started coming down his cheeks and apologize for being so pompous and not any humility he was ashamed that I was probably right about not listening to me as he was telling me along with his nurse and every one who was in that circle listening he asked if the would step in and he explained y he had them there he asked me to forgive him he wasn't giving me the maximum care I our any patient deserves he wanted to be a physician because he wanted to take care off people like his father and uncles so he doesn't know where he stopped having the passion and drive off humanity that was his integrity and he was not going to pursue another contract take time off and figure out what happened to the Doctor he was and dreamed off being he asked if I could forgive him I was so moved by his brutal honesty as was his fellow employees not a dry eye I told him that anyone that knows me would have agreed with him because I'm persistent and opinionated and know it all and that my shield that I live by I will share when I know someone going to be my friend is that I'm have to be forgiven person because one day I'm going to ask them to forgive me because that is our flaws off bieng human and yes not a problem to forgive him and he might be a little to hard on himself after that bit of humanity me and himself by ourselves that he would like to continue there with me as my doctor well Monday I had the cat scan the decided to give me a low dose of chemo after the tech said from the measurement the sent her it had shrink but she couldn't tell me wat diagnosis is just encouraging so I go find out Monday I told my doctor that if outcome was cancer I wasn't going to do chemo because anyone I have known our loved never seen a positive outcome I would walk with faith that would be better chance to find that faith off the mustard seed that somewhere lost time to find that through the God that has loved me and protect me never abounded me like I have him hopefully have to be outcome is infection but doesn't hurt to ask my friends and family to pray for a positive outcome the power off many in prayer has always worked out what ever God's will is supposed to be will accept his decision and I will continue to pray for ya to thanks"

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


"To fall in love. Does it occur suddenly or gradually? If gradually, when is the moment "already"? I would fall in love with a monkey made of rags. With a plywood squirrel. With a botanical atlas. With an oriole. With a ferret. With a marten in a picture. With the forest one sees to the right when riding in a cart to Jaszuny. With a poem by a little-known poet. With human beings whose names still move me. And always the object of love was enveloped in erotic fantasy or was submitted, as in Stendhal, to a "crystallization," so it is frightful to think of that object as it was, naked among the naked things, and of the fairy tales about it one invents. Yes, I was often in love with something or someone. Yet falling in love is not the same as being able to love. That is something different."
 - Czesław Miłosz

Monday, February 24, 2014


I broke my shoulder a long time ago. It swelled up immediately, while my body went into shock and I threw up. I looked over on my shoulder and there was a bump about the size of my fist. My buddy came running over.
“Dude! You're going to have to go to the emergency room!” he said.
I looked at the big bump again. Now its about half the size of my head.
I said “The emergency room? I don’t think so. Lets wait a minute, maybe it will go away.”
He just cracked up. “Dude, that’s NOT going away!”

Saturday, February 22, 2014


"I was sitting with a zen monk and I couldn’t stop looking out the window in front of me.
“Why are you looking out the window,” he asked, “concentrate on your posture.”
I tried to bring my attention back to my posture but I soon found myself drawn outwards again to the window in front of me.
Smiling, he asked me “Are you a a writer?”
“I feel so sorry for you,” he said laughing."
Luke Storms @ Crashingly Beautiful

IMAGE~ Andrew Wyeth, "Love in the Afternoon." 

Thursday, February 20, 2014


“This is true happiness: to have no ambition and to work like a horse as if you had every ambition. To live far from men, not to need them and yet to love them. To have the stars above, the land to your left and the sea to your right and to realize of a sudden that in your heart, life has accomplished its final miracle: it has become a fairy tale.” 
― Nikos Kazantzakis, Zorba the Greek
Image~Fyodor Chaliapin as Eryomka in Serov’s opera The Power of Evil, Moscow 1916.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


"For once, I hardly noticed what I ate
(salmon and broccoli and Saint-Véran).
My elbow twitched like jumping beans; sweat ran
into my shirtsleeves. Could I concentrate
on anything but your leg against mine
under the table? It was difficult,
but I impersonated an adult
looking at you, and knocking back the wine.
Now that we both want to know what we want,
now that we both want to know what we know,
it still behooves us to know what to do:
be circumspect, be generous, be brave,
be honest, be together, and behave.
At least I didn't get white sauce down my front."

"Runways Café II" by Marilyn Hacker

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


“One of the greatest gifts we receive from the Twelve Steps is our belief in a God of our own understanding…The Twelve Steps gently lead us toward a spiritual awakening. The steps are our path to a relationship with a God of our understanding. This Higher Power gives us strength when our road gets rough…
Are we grateful for our deepening relationship with a Higher Power? Do we remember to thank God for each day clean, no matter what has happened that day? Do we remember that, no matter how deep our despair or how great our joy, the God of our understanding is with us?”

From “Just for Today” Daily Meditation, back, oh, a couple weeks ago.
Image~ Somewhere above Rio de Janeiro

Monday, February 17, 2014


“I can’t see you, but I know you’re here. I feel it. You've been hanging around since I got here. I wish I could see your face. Just look into your eyes and tell you how good it is to be here. Just to touch something. See that’s cold; that feels good. Or to smoke. Have coffee. Or if you do it together, that’s fantastic. Or to draw. You know, you take a pencil and you make a dark line, then you make a light line and together it’s a good line. Or when your hands are cold and you rub them together. See that’s good, that feels good. There’s so many good things, but you’re not here. I’m here. I wish you were here. I wish you could talk to me…cuz I’m a friend.”

—Peter Falk’s character communicating with an angel in Wim Wenders remarkable film, Wings of Desire. 

Sunday, February 16, 2014


"I thought I am seeing some lot of very happy people. They deserved to win."
Vladislov Tretiak, Russian goalie from the 1980 Russian team, when asked what thoughts were going through his head while the Americans celebrated their upset victory at Lake Placid.
Sounds like a really nice guy to me. 

I've been taught as an American my whole life to be afraid of, to be untrusting of, and for lack of a better word to hate certain peoples and groups. Indians, Negros, Russians; Communists, Socialists, Anti-War Protesters; Gays, Non-Christians, Academics; these days its Muslums, the 47% and anyone in American whose English is not so good.
I'm not buying it anymore.

Friday, February 14, 2014


Dorothy: "...if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?"
Glinda: "That's all it is!"
Scarecrow: "But that's so easy! I should have thought of it for you."
Tin Man: "I should have felt it in my heart."

Thursday, February 13, 2014


Alpha 5: Do you make any distinction between the mystery of the laws of knowledge and the laws of love?
Johnson: In my opinion, there is no mystery..."

In my opinion, there is no mystery; it may look like mystery, but its mostly suspense.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

"I've been riding on the crest of a slump lately"


But dont count ol' Bulletholes out yet...

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


"I was reading a book about pleasure,
how you have to glide through it
without clinging
like an arrow
passing through a target,
coming out the other side and going on."
 - Tony Hoagland
from The Impossible Dream