KNOCK-KNEES

All Tommy wanted was to make it to a meeting

Just get the hell out of Applebee’s and go to a God-Damned meeting. Sure, he had 4 years clean time, and was on his second tour of the Fourth Step, but right now he wasn’t feeling any too strong. Yeah, a little female companionship would be nice. Someone to share the 13 Spiritual Principles* in his newfound drug-free life with. After 6 years in the program with only one relapse, it was safe, and probably about time for him to come out of his self imposed shell and try to live like a normal human being.
"Way overdue" he thought to himself.

How hard could it be?

Never mind that his only jacket had “Clean and Sober” logo and his clean date advertised on his ragged back, and his nickname of “Knock-Knees” on the front next to his Sergeant at Arms patch. His leathers were adorned with brass letters spelling out the words
'Third Tradition"** and "We do Recover"***.
His only transportation was a fairly worn out Harley Softail.
His only shoes were boots. Motorcycle boots.
Everything Tommy owned was black or had a skull on it.
He lived to ride, mostly, except at work, where he processed Microchips for a Major Telecom Distributor.
Even with all the Death Insignia and Jailhouse Tattoos, he deserved a shot at being normal, even if the only thing regular about him was his haircut.
Every morning he woke up and said his Third Step Prayer:
"God, take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live clean"


And he might be normal one day, right after he finished killing his sponsor.

His sponsor who had suggested he join that Singles Club which had planted him in this damn booth at Applebees, drinking coffee and eating Pecan Pie with one of the nicest plainest most flat-chested women he had ever met.

Tommy had done some pretty terrible things in his day, things that he had just recently learned to accept, but right now he could not recall doing anything more twisted than what he was doing right now, which happened to be trying to have a nice conversation with a normal woman.
A normal woman, wearing a Robins Egg Blue Gingham dress who had never done any dope at all. Ever.
It was excruciating.
Why the fuck is it so hard so hard to just be Okay.

All Tommy wanted was to make a meeting.
to be continued



*hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring.
from the basic text, Step 12

**"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using"
from The 12 Traditions of NA

***When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a Human Being either with or without drugs we all face the same dillemna-what is there left to do?...
...Those who are addicted today are more fortunate. for the first time in mans entire history a simple way has been proving itself in the lives of many addicts. It is available to us all. This is a simple Spiritual-not Religious - program, known as Narcotics Anonymous
from the group readings, NA literature