DONNA, PARTS II and III

A SLIGHT REPRISE; ORIGINALLY POSTED 1/11/2007


Do we meet those we dream of as they dream of us?

"In the second grade we were allowed to walk home from school for lunch. Its hard to believe they let us do that. I don't think that can happen these days.
I always walked with Donna Hartlieb. We would part at the corner and meet again to return to school. Every day my mother gave me a Baby Snickers Bar for the walk back and I would split it with Donna on the corner.
To this day, I can still see Donna leaning on that tree at the corner with her little Red Riding Hood jacket on, waiting for me.
One day I asked Mom if I might have two candy bars.
She inquired as to why I would need two. I told her all about Donna and how we walked together everyday, and how I split my candy bar with her always.
I said "I think it would be good for Donna to have a whole baby Snickers bar today"
I'll never forget the look on Mom's face.
"Oh yes, Stevie, you certainly may!"as she dried her hands on her Watermelon Apron and pulled another Snickers bar from out of the cupboard.
She was beaming.

        *******

Donna sat next to me in the first and second grade. I fell in love with her one day when she helped me do an exercise in the workbook that I didn’t get at all. But that’s a whole ‘nother story. We shared Snickers bars on our walks back home from lunch. I moved back to Texas in the 6th grade.

Over the next several years, passing from a kid to a teenager, with all the hormonal turmoil, and love lost and found and lost again, and pleasures and pains, and learning to kiss and touch and care and lust, I would and try to find a balance between friendship and desire. It was the 70’s and easy to be consumed with desire. I found it was hard to have one without the other, and that I had to have the friendship, or the desire was unfulfilling and contrived. I just didn’t warm up to people that fast, and I never left a bar or party to take a girl home that I didn’t already know her. Never.
Sometime in the middle of all this, when I was 21, a failed romance jogged my memory of Donna and brought fresh revelations of what it meant to have a friend, to really like someone, and to be in love.
I wondered did or would Donna remember me, and the Snickers bars I brought her. I wondered what her memory of me might be, and how that memory might have affected her relationships the way she (and that look on moms face) still affected mine.

This was on my mind very late one night in 1978, and I decided to drive to Detroit to see if I could find Donna. It was about 3:00 a.m. as best as I can figure when I left Texas. I was wearing cut off shorts and a T-Shirt and had no shoes.
Somewhere around Cleveland my car broke down. I had to walk the rest of the way. It had become quite cold and the wind was blowing very hard as I entered the Detroit city limits. I made my way north, up Jefferson Ave. to Grosse Pointe Park. People were looking at me, staring at me as I had few clothes, and like I said it was quite cold...
I walked down Windmill Drive and up Trombley, past my old house, and took a left on Essex... there were kids on bikes going to school.
I was shivering at the corner of Essex and Harcourt, the very corner from 15 years prior when-where Donna and I would part and reunite.
And then I saw her.
She was on a Red Schwinn, with the big Chopper handlebars and Banana seat and with the pink and white streamers that flapped in the wind. She still had the blonde hair, cut "Pixie" style, and the Little Red Riding Hood jacket, but like me, she was older now.
It was Donna, and she had seen me.
She did a quick U-Turn and approached me, her face full of recognition, smiling and ringing the little bell that went "Ching-Ching" with her thumb..
I thought I could tell she knew who I was.
My heart is beating wildly.
“What are you doing here? Aren't you cold?” she asks.
‘Yes, but I wanted to see you” I say.
“Do you know me?” she asks.
“You are Donna”
“Yes, how did you know?
“I used to live here, I used to walk with you”
Her face is even more full of recognition now and I am so full of emotion I can scarcely even say the words, cannot find the voice to ask that which I have come 1100 miles to ask.
‘Donna, do you remember me like I remember you?”

I see it in her face, in her eyes, all she has to do is say the words...“Yes, you are Steve, and I remember you so well, we walked and talked and you shared your candy bars with me..”
But I cant get the words out, they are stuck in my throat. Its excruciating and then things got all watery and...

I WOKE UP.

And I was shaking and shivering, and crying too, and I was cold and the next three days I was feverish with the Flu...
If I have ever had a dream where I went somewhere and met someone... that was it. Which made me wonder…

Do we meet those we dream of as they dream of us?

32 Years later I would find Donna. With the miracle of Facebook I found lots of my old friends from Detroit. I shared the dream with Donna.
“No” she said “I kinda remember you. I don’t remember the snickers bars. But thank you so much for reminding me of my Little Red Riding hood jacket. I loved loved loved that jacket.”
And you know what? That right there was worth it.

CUPID BLIND DID RISE

APELLES SONG

CUPID and my Campaspe played
At cards for kisses,—Cupid paid;
He stakes his quiver, bow and arrows,
His mother's doves,
and team of sparrows:
Loses them too.
Then down he throws
The coral of his lip, the rose
Growing on's cheek (but none knows how) ;
With these the crystal of his brow,
And then the dimple of his chin :
All these did my Campaspe win.
At last he set her both his eyes ;
She won, and Cupid blind did rise.
Love, has she done this to thee ?
O' What shall, alas, become of me ?
John Lyle

Chavonne bumped into me at the Mall.
Literally.
I had not seen her since High School but I recognized her rght away.
She was holding the hand of a girlfriend of hers that I recognized as well and squinting at me through very thick glasses.

"Watch where you are going, Chavonne" says I.
" How do you know my name?" asks she.
"Oh, no, not him!"" says her friend, Debbie and I knew her as well.

"Its me, Steve from High School...you were in my Speech Class"

Chavonne lit up like a Roman candle, like fire and Gasoline.She was pretty easy to look at; Strawberry blonde, a Pixie face shaped like a Hamadryad...that is to say her breasts were way bigger than her frame would suggest.
If you put wings on her she would look like Tinkerbelle.

I had that feeling behind my eyeballs we were going to be good friends.Her friend Debbie seemed to disapprove, but we were already there. I got her number and called her that night and went to her house.
I found out that Chavonne, for all practical purposes, was blind. She could not drive, nor could she go in public by herself. It was due to Diabetes.

For the next two months we were friends and lovers and we had the best time. We would go to Keg Parties at the Lake at night. I would lead her through the bushes to the site, the whole time exhorting her to hurry up, watch out, this way.
She was delighted.
In the woods, we would dance like Pagans around the bonfire.
She loved Aerosmith and a Band called Moxy. We would dance at her apartment and sometimes we would go to clubs and dance.
Her friend Debra didn't like me taking her to the lake or to Clubs.
I called Debbie "Miss Fussy Britches", which did not earn me any points with Debbie, but always delighted Chavonne.
Chavonne also liked to play pool and wasn't too bad. The balls were close and brightly colored and didn't move. So we played pool alot.

But what she really liked to do was Play Ping-Pong.
Thats right, Ping-Pong!
I had a friend with a table and Chavonne never got to be any good but we would get high and she would play by sound and I would help her make a game of it. Sometimes I'd let her win and we would just laugh and laugh and laugh. Chavonne loved me because I would play Ping-Pong with her.
I don't think Miss Fussy Britches liked that either!

We laughed all the time.

In early September in 1978 I went Dove hunting with a friend. I didn't take Chavonne but I told her next time she could go and we would shoot the guns if she wanted.

Ready!
Aim!
Fire!
Like Mr. Magoo with a gun!
"Chavonne, you have to promise me not to shoot 'Miss Fussy britches."
We just couldn't stop laughin'.

I was gone for three days and when I got back I called for her. There was no answer. I called again. I went by her place.
She was not home.
Two days passed before I got the call...
Her mother said her appendix had burst.
Her mother said she was in a coma.
Her mother said that Chavonne had loved me so much because she had never had a friend like me.
Chavonne loved me so much because I did not know how sick she was.
If I had known, I'd have been like all her other friends.
I never once asked what her blood sugar level was.
I never asked if she had her shot or even how she was feelin'.
I never tried to stop her from doing anything she liked to do, even if it was bad for her.
I never had that look of concern on my face the way her other friends did sometimes.
I never had a picture of her.
I never gave her a present, took her out to eat, cooked her a meal.
She never came out of the coma.
Chavonne died this week 31 years ago.

I pleaded to her mother at the funeral “I just did’nt know how sick she was”
I’ll never forget the soft empathy in her mothers voice and the kind look on her face as she tried to comfort me
“Steve, don’t you know why Chavonne loved you so much?”’
‘No”
‘Chavonne loved you so much because you didn’t know.”
What a rare privilege that is, not to know.
Its her mothers face that replays in my mind from time to time.


I always think about Chavonne this time of year. We were friends for only two months.
How could I ever think someone was taken from me...
When its so clear that someone was sent for Chavonne?


It was many years later that I found, in my own life, how rare a friend it is that will look past your limitations, your weakness, your faults, and treat you as though you were complete and proper just as you stand.
I wonder sometimes about Miss Fussy Britches, and if she ever got the rare privilege to be the kind of friend to someone that I was to Chavonne.
There is so much about our own stories that we may never quite know completely.

Tonight, I dance!.

From the old "Abandoned Blog"....this is actually the second post I ever did...

I have purposely left this pretty well as I wrote it 4 years ago. It wasn’t until Debbie Williams-Short (Miss Fussy Britches) found me on Facebook that I found that I had spelled her name wrong.
It wasn’t until a month ago that I knew the exact date of Shavonne Freitas' death….September 16, 1978.
I had hoped to find Debbie when I joined Facebook in order to share this story and wondered how long it would take.
I never considered the idea that Debbie would find me in less than 12 hours.
We have also found Doug, Shavonnes brother, and her mother too.
I can’t begin to tell them what an effect Shavonne continues to have in my Psyche.

THE WIZ

"no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller"

The Christmas Holiday of my 9th Grade year, under the guise of ‘Christamas Caroling” I met up with several Neighborhood friends. After regaling the first house with a rousing rendition of “Where Shepherds Lay” we paired up and headed for the fields and bushes for the purpose of ‘making –out”.
Up to that point I did not know who Rhonda was, but there is a certain ‘growing closer” that can be experienced by the simple act of a very wet kiss. We grew very close that night. Wanting to grow closer still we ‘Caroled” nightly in the trusty woods, all the way to New Years Eve.
It was all so simple then.
For the next year and half, Rhonda was my girl. She had curly hair and a very cute ‘Button’ (word of the Week?) nose and when she said “R-Ruff’ it drove me wild. We had Purple Pants and Green Felt shoes with stars on them that matched and of course there were the Captain America shirts we wore with this get up always on the same day. Oh God.
Our shoes always matched.

We used to go to “Skateland” on Friday nights. The music of the day was “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke”, ’My Sweet Lord” “American Pie” and “Rockin’ Robin”. ‘Rockin’ Robin “ was one of my favorites by Michael Jackson.
"Tweet-tweet...tweeedly-deet"
So simple then.
As we skated, we danced, and on the ‘Couples Skate” we got to hold hands and they would play something slow like “Nights in White Satin” or "Killing Me Softly"and Rhonda and I would gaze into each others eyes. Then, "All Skate" and the lights would come back on and they would crank it back up with ‘Bad Moon Risin’”.

It was all so prophetic, and Rhonda moved to Phoenix. Five years later, a married Rhonda came to town for her friends Wedding and we went to dinner. We could have taken up where we left off. R-R-Ruff.

During my Senior Year, love found me again by way of “Susie the Slut”. We were Engaged for a time, but she had sense enough to break it off before we made a really big mistake.
I will explain her nickname in another post because this post is about (was supposed to be about) the Movie we went to see. It was called “The Wiz” and it was the Soul Version of the “Wizard of Oz”. Playing the Scarecrow was none other than little Michael Jackson.
Now we all knew that Michael could dance from his "ABC" and “Rockin’ Robin” days, but the exhibition he put on in this Movie was unbelievable. It was but a warm up for Michael, just a precursor of what he would do in the next 10 years.
So where is this really going?
The music for Barbaras Party of course. I would suggest for her Party that she needs to have one of the best selling albums ever...its not something I sit around and listen to, but it is great for Dancin'! I remember watching The Boys from the Crystal Crotchless dance to this stuff. It took me a while to find the genius in it.
Michael Jacksons “Thriller”.
Vincent Price doin' the Rap part:
"And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpses shell"

Pretty scary, huh?

I will also nominate what I think is the best Live album ever done and mandatory boogie for the crowd I party with.
Littlefeat’s “Waiting for Columbus”...from start to finish this album rocks with its slow southern syncopated style. With “Tower of Power” providing horns and Lowell George still at large, from ‘Fat Man in the Bathtub” to "Rocket in my Pocket" to “Willin'’’ this album gets me movin’ every time.

Gewels said that 'Dixie Chicken" stayed with her all day long last week.

"Many years since she ran away,

yes that guitar player shore could play

she always liked to sing along

she always ended with a Song"

THE LOSS OF ATTRACTION

Part 4
The Benediction

Its obvious to me that if there had been any real passion between Laura and myself that there would not have been a steady stream of people that seemed to come between us over the years.
We were just "not that into each other".

Laura is one of the most unique people I have ever known.
We were at a Bar, eating complimentary Ice Cream cones. A rakish sort of fellow sidled up next to her, looked her in the eye, looked her up and down, and licked his lips in a very exaggerated manner.Laura plunged her Ice Cream cone right into the fellows left eye, and all three of us were ejected.

Laura was fired from her job; she had been there as Bartender for 12 years. Her offence was pouring a glass of Beer on some bastard customers head...she had been on "Final Warning" for God only knows what.

Water Baby asked us if we had ever dated... Laura looked to me a little confused and said "I don't know..did we?""Not really" I said 'we couldn't. The whole time we were foolin' around, you were livin' with The Duke"!Water Baby laughed...if she can watch "Greys Anatomy" she can handle that.

CODA
In 1978 Laura married a man and had his son, postponing what had seemed to be a budding Romance between she and I.
Two years ago, Laura turned her 27 year old son away from the house...too many times she had taken him and his Heroin addiction in... and later that afternoon she found him in her backyard, having hanged himself on her fence.
She says "Its almost a relief", and shows no more emotion than last years Bird's Nest.
She is one tough gal... and a pistol...I know that Ol' lady and she would have a time...but "almost a relief" must be pure torture.

I hope someday she and I will be friends again. Having written this, I need to go make sure she knows who left that Candy on her Porch. Last I heard from her was "I have your number Steve and if I want to talk to you I will call you".
Does she really think there is something she can do or say that I will not be her friend?

I have never been a "Bad Boy"; I "got no game". I am not slick, or tough, or cool. Well, maybe I'm cool. Mostly, I'm just a nice guy. The "Bad boys " would be surprised at what nice guys sometimes get to do.

The Poet Game

Down by the river, junior year,
walking with my girl
and we came upon a place
there in the tall grass where a couple
had been making love
and left the mark of their embrace.
I said to her, "Looks like they had some fun."
"She said to me, "Let's do the same."
And still I taste her kisses
and her freckles in the sun
when I play the poet game.

A young man down in hill country
in the year of '22
went to see his future bride.
She lived in a rough old shack
that poverty blew through.
She invited him inside.
She'd been cooking, ashamed and feeling sad,
she could only offer him bread and her name
Grandpa said that it was the best gift
a fella ever had
and he taught me the poet game.

I had a friend who drank too much
and played too much guitar -
and we sure got along.
Reel-to-reels rolled across
the country near and far
with letters poems and songs.
But these days he don't talk to me
and he won't tell me why.
I miss him every timeI say his name.
I don't know what he's doing
or why our friendship died
while we played the poet game.

The fall rain was pounding down
on an old New Hampshire mill
and the river wild and high.
I was talking to her while leaves blew down
like a sudden chill -
there was wildness in her eyes.
We made love like we'd been waiting
all of our lives for this -
Strangers know no shame -
But she had to leave at dawn
and with a sticky farewell kiss
left me to play the poet game.

I watched my country turn into
a coast-to-coast strip mall
and I cried out in a song:
If we could do all that in thirty years,
then please tell me you all -
why does good change take so long?
Why does the color of your skin
or who you choose to love
still lead to such anger and pain?
And why do I think it's any help
for me to still dream of
playing the poet game?

Sirens wail above the fields -
another soul gone down -
another Sun about to rise.
I've lost track of my mistakes
like birds they fly around
and darken half of my skies.
To all of those I've hurt -
I pray you will forgive me.
I to you will freely do the same.
So many things I didn't see
with my eyes turned inside
playing the poet game.

I walk out at night to take a leak
underneath the stars -
oh yeah, that's the life for me.
There's Orion and the Pleiades
and I guess that must be Mars -
all as clear as we long to be.
I've sung what I was given -
some was bad and some was good.
I never did know from where it came.
And if I had it all to do again
I am not sure I would
play the poet game.

THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION

"Very occasionally, you meet people who send your mental energy level through the roof. The result is a non-stop firing range of banter. I love that feeling about as much as any other - it's an incredible outlet. You feel more fully yourself and like someone else entirely, all at the same time."
kissyface

'We seek in others that which is the deepest reflection of ourselves, and to the extent with which we value that reflection we will either experience...or fake...a sense of self-esteem..."
Francisco d'Anconia

Have you ever seen a young man and woman out on a date, and as he helps her from the car, even while having opened the door for her, begins to look at her not in a Romantic way, but in a way a Vandal might look at a fresly painted fence, or a punk might look at the side of a building with a can of spray paint in his hand?
Is feelin' good... good enough?

Part 3...
well.. lets just say this one is pretty poor even if you have read the previous two...

RDG has asked a very good question, but I am hardly one to answer it. If I knew all that, do you imagine that I would have been single, and I do mean SINGLE, for ten years?
I remember being at a Sunday School Class last year, the "Singles Group" I have written about before and the leader brought in a book called 'Safe People" about dating relationships. She said it was a great book and she had read it Hundreds of times....of course I could not resist and asked for how long now she had been single and had she found a Boyfriend yet...I think it was the only joke I made that got a laugh from that Class...the irony was not lost...she slapped the table and laughed like a Demon...
A few lessons later the question was raised as to how we knew if someone was "Safe" or not...
of course I had to pipe in again...
"Because they are not as much fun as the unsafe people!"

Laura was not a safe person... but if you needed a runnin' buddy and were willing to break a few laws and leave a $20 bill on the counter of the 7-11 after hours as you passed by with a Six-pack and a bottle of wine saying
"keep the change"
...she was your girl.
Laura and I probably looked at each other like a couple of Vandals... but man, she was a blast!

I stole a Heart -Shaped Brandin' Iron off the wall of the Restaurant we worked at...it was wasted up there and she was just the girl to have something like that as a conversation piece.
After 30 years she still has it.
Making out with Marshmallows and Pop Rocks was pretty good too, passing them from tongue to cheek and back again...you know you can use Marshmallows as spitwads too, but its best with your clothes off...such a pretty mess.

Self-Esteem? Who needs it.

So first it was Mark that kept us apart, and then it was Kristi: poor Duke... we just had to go around him... and then suddenly.... I was married. After a couple of kids I did not do any more fishing with Laura, and no, it was not Laura that ended my 13 yearMarriage. In fact, I had lost track of her until 3 years after my divorce, when a buddy found her working at the Airport Hotel as a Bartender. Seems she was telling a story about me that he recognised and after a few questions, he indicated he knew me. She gave him her number, which he gave to me and I gave her a call.

The first question she asked me was "Are you like all these other Divorced guys that have all this "baggage" and give all their money to their ex-wives and don't remember how to be single?"
"Well, I don't think I have any baggage."
We didn't exactly pick up where we left off...Laura had not changed a whit, hadn't seemed to, but maybe I had...
"to the extent with which we value that reflection we will either experience...or fake...a sense of self-esteem..."
And as is typical with Laura and I, before we could really figure anything out... I ran into a girl at a coke machine...once again something had come between us.

I tell my daughter that all the boys she is trying to negotiate a relationship with are small Potatos... and when the right one comes along, all the negotiating will just fly out of the window and you will just melt into each other...
"You feel more fully yourself and like someone else entirely, all at the same time."
I've spent 30 years negotiating with Laura...I've spent 6 years in some form of negotiation with Lily...I'll leave the brainwork to you.


POST-SCRIPT;
This is so clumsily done I have considered removing it except for the two Quotes...I will leave it up for now, in hopes that someone comes by that gets it...but I doubt the likelihood of that... someday I will re-do this one, when I find the clarity to do so. 3/18/07

OH, PLEASE STEVE, GIVE ME A BREAK

part 2, continued from yesterday, and you really should go back and read yesterdays first...I'm posting awful quick these days, I know...

I think its important to note here how smart the Red Dirt Girl is with her comment from yesterday...I said that Kristi moved out that very day after I threw the deadly Palmetto Bug at her.... the fact of the matter is that we were in the process of moving her out when it happened!
And I'll tell you something else- Kristi, when we went Golfing, used to like to take the little Frogs that lived on the Golf course and put them under her Halter top! She could pack quite a few of them in there and they would wriggle and move about, giving her Halter a singular crawling effect.
Go Figure!
As rude as it might seem, I don't think I would trade that scene of her pinned against the wall with that bug buzzing away right between her eyes for all the sinfull bliss in the world!
We actually kept dating for another 6 months or so before the fire went all the way out.
Then my mother had a stroke and I moved home and for the next 6 months that is where my time was spent... at the Hospital and then in Physical Therapy with her.

But she improved and I began to get out again and every Monday night I would go to the Bar at the Restaurant I had worked at with Kristi and Laura. Kristi was no longer there, but the real reason I went was that Laura was the Bartender. I knew everybody there as well and it was one of those "Cheers" type settings, with a lot bigger cast.
Laura was still living with the Duke, but Laura is a fiercely independant lady, a real free Spirit; I am much the same, but you cannot out-Laura Laura.
Everyone at the bar knew there was an attraction between Laura and I, but they did not know how far back we actually went. No one was aware that we had nearly been a thing at least twice now over the years.
I think the only thing Laura ever said about Kristi was that I had picked the wrong one that
night, but I reminded her that it was they that held all the cards that night. We both just laughed.
One night at the Bar I finally got fed up with all the Pussyfootin' that was going on between Laura and I.
I walked behind the bar and tapped Laura on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at me like I was nuts and said "You aren't supposed to be back here Mister"...
To which I replied "I know" and I took her in my arms and began to kiss her. She didn't seem to mind it too much and the next thing I know she is off the ground with her legs wrapped around me and we have been lip-locked for at least 20 seconds. It was all very passionate.
If I had not been giving her my undivided, I would have noticed that the normal noisy din of the Bar had decreased... you could almost hear our lips a-smackin'!
All eyes were on Laura and I and I have no idea how long this kiss went on but at some point, someone began to clap and someone else to cheer and soon the Bar erupted in a cacaphony like as never been heard.
The crowd went wild!
The Judges gave us ... all Tens!

Later that night we left our footprints on the rear window of my car...
And for the next few months we got together a few times but it wasn't no big thing...
And if the Duke had known he would have killed me...
I saw Kristi one day and she gave me a High -Five sayin' "I heard abut you and Laura!"
And I still wonder sometimes where the whole deal was heading...
Because one day at work I took an elevator ride that changed everything...

The future Ex Mrs. Bulletholes made me forget all about Laura...and the Bar... except for the night we went to the Bar and I introduced her to Laura... Laura winked and said "I wondered where you have been".
Several months later, Laura called one morning and invited me to some kind of Picnic. I told her I was engaged.
"Takin' the vow's Steve?...Thats sweet!" she said.

After I was married, I ran into her at a Fishing Tackle Store. She had taken up Fishing and gotten shed of the Duke. We started to go fishing together. it was like we had never been what we had been and were just satisfied being friends.
One day out in the boat I looked at her and said...

"You know Laura, I always felt funny that we seemed to have somethin' goin' and then I met the mrs. and the next thing you know I'm married and never really said anything to you at all."
Laura looks at me and rolls her eyes and says"Oh, please Steve, give me a Break... Get over yourself" and laughed at me like I was a real idiot.
A few weeks later, I told the Mrs about this exchange.
She just laughed and said "I asked Laura if I should worry about you guys out in that boat. She just rolled her eyes and said the same thing to me".

I guess there's still another part left here...its not what you are probably thinkin' right now!

Oh, well...

"she had a dark and roving eye-eye-eye
and her hair hung down in ring-a-lets
she was a nice girl, a proper girl,
but one of the roving kind"
guy mitchell

About a year ago...
I went and got drunk with my old friend Laura….
At 2:00 a.m. she said I could sleep on the couch or come to bed
"IF YOU DO NOT SNORE..."
I told her that I did not snore that I was aware of but in my
present state of inebriation there was the ever-present danger that I may try to
"INFLICT" myself upon her. She advised me that she kept a TASER on her
nightstand. I requested that she bring me a sheet. She brought the
sheet and told me to wake her the next morning.

I woke up at 7:00 and went and crawled in bed with her, looking down
into her face, giving her my very best grin.
She slowly opens her eyes, and I say, as seductivly as I can muster ,
"I wish it would rain, Laura, that would be SOOO romantic"
Laura grins back at me and says
"I could turn on the sprinklers for you"

She then tells me to be very careful, pulls back the covers and
reveals her full grown Iguana named "Nick" sleeping with her. He is
about 5 feet long and weighs 11 pounds.
Ruined my plans.
Oh, well.

I've known Laura since High School where she was the fastest runner, boy or girl, in the whole building. I worked at a Restaurant and she was a Waitress there; we were 19 then, and we became friends, and almost lovers. She came to me one day out of the blue, and said she was getting married. I asked why and it was because she was pregnant and she was going to marry Mark, the Father.
Laura is a pistol, one tough gal.
Oh well.

A few years later, we again worked together, but she was divorced now. We went for drinks one night, and she and Kristi got me very drunk. They carried me, and I do mean carried, out of the bar and after a conference, put me in Kristi's car and Kristi drove me to my home.
Kristi helped me to the door, came in and sat on the couch in the Den.
I said "You are going to have to excuse me one time"
and went to the Bathroom, splashed some cold water in my face and brushed my teeth.
Better now.
I went back into the Den where Kristi waited on the couch. I looked at her and said
"You are going to have to excuse me just one more time"
and I was on her...
she didn't seem to mind it too much either.
The next morning at 7:00 Laura called.
"Is Kristi there" she giggled.
I looked over to the passenger side of the Bed.
""Yep, she sure is...would you like to speak to her?"
"Just wondering" Laura says, and adds "Oh well"

Just for the record, I don't think I've been involved with someone that took off as quickly as Kristi and I did...and you don't need to worry abour poor Laura; she was livin' with The Duke at the time...Kristi moved in with me and the 4 of us all had a splendid time.

Of course I had to spoil it all 6 months later by throwing a Waterbug at Kristi. Kristi was 6'1" tall and a very lithe Redhead but she was deadly afraid of those things and this one opened its wings and began to fly right into her face, right between her eyes, whereupon she began to backpedal but the beast continued its flapping , making that BRRRR-ing sound like a helicopter, backing her up a full three feet into a wall where it pinned her for a full 8 seconds with her arms flailing and that BRRR-ing sound. She packed and left that day.
Poor Kristi...
Poor me...
Pretty thoughtless...

(to be continued)

PAN PRIAPUS

Went by Lily's last night and strew those little Sweetheart Candies all over her front porch, down the stairs and into the parking lot. I'm sure she will have a good idea who did that.
Decided to hedge my bet and did the same for my old friend Laura... she won't have a clue.
All day today I have been so busy... no time for love...
HAPPY VALLEY DAY!!!

Donna

Do we meet those we dream of as they dream of us?

I should give homage to "Angel" and the "Grizzbabe" for this....
http://grizzbabesden.blogspot.com/

From a previous post titled “FOR MOM”:
http://srevestories.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_srevestories_archive.html

"In the second grade we were allowed to walk home from school for lunch. Its hard to believe they let us do that. I don't think that can happen these days.
I always walked with Donna Hartlieb. We would part at the corner and meet again to return to school. Every day my mother gave me a Baby Snickers Bar for the walk back and I would split it with Donna on the corner.
One day I asked Mom if I might have two candy bars.
She inquired as to why I would need two. I told her all about Donna and how we walked together everyday, and how I split my candy bar with her always.
I'll never forget the look on Mom's face.
"Oh yes, Stevie, you certainly may!"as she dried her hands on her Watermelon Apron and pulled another Snickers Bar from out of the cupboard.
She was beaming.

I was in Detroit in 2nd grade, and we moved back to Texas in the 6th grade.
over the next several years, passing from a kid to a teenager, with all the hormonal turmoil and finding love, and loss, and pleasures and pains, and learning to kiss and touch and stuff, I would keep Donna in mind, and try to maintain some semblance of being a gentleman.
Years later, when I was 21, a failed romance jogged my memory of Donna and brought fresh revelations of what it meant to be in love.
I wondered did or would Donna remember me, and what her memory of me might be, and how that memory might affect her relationships the way she affected mine.

This was on my mind very late one night, and I decided to drive to Detroit to see if I could find Donna. It was about 3:00 a.m. as best as I can figure when I left Texas. I was wearing shorts and a T-Shirt and had no shoes.
Somewhere around Cleveland my car broke down. I had to walk the rest of the way. It had become quite cold and the wind was blowing very hard as I entered the Detroit city limits. I made my way north, up Jefferson Ave. to Grosse Pointe Park. People were looking at me, staring at me as I had few clothes, and like I said it was quite cold...
I walked down Windmill Drive and up Trombley, past my old house, and took a left on Essex... there were kids on bikes going to School. They all did a double take when they saw me, tossing their heads back in laughter at this fellow in Shorts and a T-Shirt and no shoes.
What an Idiot!!!
I was at the corner of Essex and Harcourt, the very corner Donna and I would part and reunite, when I saw her.
She was on a Red Schwinn, with the big Chopper handlebars and Banana seat and with the pink and white streamers that flapped in the wind. She still had the Blonde hair cut, "Pixie" style, and the Little Red Riding Hood jacket, but like me, she was older now.
It was Donna, and she had seen me.
She did a quick U-Turn and approached me, her face full of recognition.
I could tell she knew who I was.
My heart is beating wildly.
“What are you doing here? Aren't you cold?” she asks.
‘Yes, but I wanted to see you” I say.
“Do you know me?” she asks.
“You are Donna”
“Yes, how did you know?
“I used to live here, I used to walk with you”
Her face is even more full of recognition now and I am so full of emotion I can scarcely even say the words, cannot find the voice to ask that which I have come 1100 miles to ask...so here it is...

‘Donna, do you remember me like I remember you?”

I see it in her face, in her eyes, all she has to do is say the words...her lips begin to form the words to say “Yes, you are Steve, and I remember you so well, we walked and talked and you shared your Candy Bars with me..”
But before she is able to say these words...

I WOKE UP!

And I was shaking, saying "OH MY GOD" and shivering, and I was cold and the next three days I was feverish with the Flu...
If I have ever had a Dream where I went somewhere and met someone... that was it.

Do we really meet those we dream of as they dream of us?

MODERN LOVE'S A LOADED GUN

Whats next?
I've got a New years Resolution...my first one ever...precipitated by a gift I received from my sister...a $150 Shirt.
I don't smoke anymore and I have been working a desk job for two years. I eat like a Farm Hand. I have gained about 40 pounds.
I have reached the height weight and shape that causes even the most perfectly cut material to wear like a Feedbag.
I see these commercials that say "check with your Doctor to make sure you are healthy enough for Sex". They can keep their little pills... but I need to lose some weight...its right there in the Scout Oath...

Mother of Invention http://felinehangout.blogspot.com/ had a Poem a few weeks back with a Teeter-Totter and I know one with a Teeter -Tottter as well...

HERE IN THE GOING, GOING, GONE

Dark laughter on the teeter-totter,
an old song floats across the water,
I know I should pack up and move on.
One-note Johnnies proliferate,
the wind rises, the hour is late
here in the going going gone.

My heart ain't mine, my heart is yours -
or else I left it out-of-doors
like a baseball glove out on the lawn.
I'd walk through fire to retrieve it,
but still you never would believe it
here in the going going gone.

Everywhere you look you see
more of you and more of me
scrambling for the goods, the lines are drawn.
peace and quiet - is there any?
We are the beautiful too many -
here in the going going gone.

Modern Love's loaded gun.
I live alone and love everyone
and I feel pretty good. Is that so wrong?
Passion called and I would blow it.
Now I'm an old Chinese poet
here in the going going gone.

Porch full of winter squash and pumpkin,
Summer's always really somethin',
but one day fall arrives with a chilly dawn.
While lovers make love in warm beds,
the forsaken sit and scratch their heads
here in the going going gone.

The rain keeps falling on the flood.
The flower closes to a bud.
All my gifts you say are just a con.
But I'll always want to be your friend.
That is my prayer until Amen -
here in the going going gone.

This is the "Sister" song to one I posted in the comment box a while back.
It is by Greg Brown from the Album "The Poet Game". I referenced this Album on my post Titled "November" and recommend it highly. We will see more of Mr. Brown here, I am sure!

THE FLESH IS WEAK

I have noticed a bit of a trend since blogging that I tend to come off as being a little touched in the head. I don't know what to do about that, so I will just have to continue being my unabashed, unapologetic self. I will say that there seems to be a certain Spirit of Surreal Events that follows me around, giving me ample opportunity to have a good bit of fun, and lending itself to support the notion that I am bonkers.

I had a lot of fun at the Craft Fair at the beginning of December being Santa Claus.. But it pales in comparison to the fun that was available on Christmas Eve- Eve, at my kids’ Church during the “Living Nativity”....
It was quite cold and they needed someone to fill in for one of the Wise men. Baltazhar, I suppose. And by “they needed” what I mean to say is ‘The Crazy Church lady needed”.... thats what my kids called her, anyway. Of course, I am glad to help anyone out. I donned my Robes and Turban and Shepherds crook and took my place at the side of the road.
Now if you can imagine, I play one hell of a wise man... especially if you put me beside a busy intersection in the "Freezin (expletive deleted)" cold. While I was instructed to just "stand there and try to look Wise”, this is just not my style. Its not how I roll.

So after a period of contemplation (six seconds) as to why a Wise Man was carrying a Shepherds Crook, I made my move.

I was everywhere, with my Crook, commanding attention to our little Nativity scene, leading traffic and urging Drivers and passengers alike out of their vehicles, at crook-point, if you will, and you would be surprised at how many aquiesqued to my threatening gestures. There were a few times that I actually stepped into the 4-lane road and stopped a car by virtue of the notion they simply did not want to run me over. The whole scene took on a “North by Northwest” meets "Halloween at Christmastime" "Miracle on 34th Street" look.
The end result, however was that we had a whole lot of people stop that otherwise would have kept on driving. I don’t know that any souls were saved because of my exuberance, but I can tell you the Crazy Church Lady was thrilled to no end.

In one of the backrooms of the church, she helped me disrobe.
“You were just wonderful’ as she took my crook and Turban.
‘Why have I never seen you here before?” as she removed my fake beard and looked into my eyes, smiling.
“Well, Ma’am, my kids go here but I generally don’t attend Church”
‘Oh, you must start” and she removed my robe.

I have to admit I was feeling a little uneasy as she began to unbutton my shirt. Then I realized that she thought this was part of my costume, and that what was about to happen was just another of those things that just seems to present themselves to me at times.

An Event of the Surreal Spirit served up on a Silver Platter.

I wanted to laugh, but it wasn't funny yet.

When she got to the last button on my shirt and found her hand on my belt buckle, she noticed my bare chest. A slight gasp barely escaped from her lips, and she raised her eyes to mine.
Our faces are only inches apart and her breath fogs my glasses a little and I say VERY SOFTLY ....
“You better stop right there, Lady, or you are going to know everything there is to know about me!”
And I give her my most disarming smile.
From her lips comes an “Oh” but it is so soft, so barely discernable, that it sounds more like “peep”. She ran from the room.

My daughter told me later that the “Crazy Church Lady" asked if I were single...

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime!!!

ALL ASHORE THATS GOIN' ASHORE

Watched a John Wayne movie over the weekend.
He and Patricia Neal are about to "hook up." He apologizes to her in advance that there is no real future in him, as he is shipping out the next day, and Submariners "Don't last long in this man's navy".
She slouches back into a big easy chair and gives him "the look"; eyes half closed, lips pursed and her head on a bias. In this sultry sexy voice she says

"WELL, DO YOU WANT TO WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE, OR JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE THING?"

Wayne asks if she has a phone. He steps into the kitchen, calls his
Commanding Officer, indicates that he will not be back to the ship until morning.
Arrangements having now been made, he leans agaist the doorjamb and with confident
expectation, gives Patricia Neal "the look".
Her eyes lightly glazed, she sinks a little deeper into her chair and slowly removes her Nurses cap as she kicks off her shoes...
End of scene.
They just don’t write ‘em like that any more.

"MAY YOU NEVER THIRST"

I had planned to do another of my dreams; I am hesitant to write about Lily...I have to take the "spin" out of it as I do not wish to try to persuede or manipulate her...not from here!!!

So Lily knocked on my door; she lived in the same apartments as I and I had taken every oportunity make my presence known for the last 4 months. Everytime I saw her in the parking lot, I just about did backflips and double somersaults that would propel me across the Parking lot and land me at her feet.
Is that charming or what?
I could not let her in my Apartment that night because...well, because it was filthy.
I could not have let in Velvet Skinned Annie with a rose between her teeth it was so bad.
I spent the next two days cleaning.
What a man won't do for Love. We were about to become best friends. We were about to see some hard times.

From a previous post in October, ‘ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY”

""I know people that are always in love, and then love goes, or they find out their beloved is not who they thought they were and *POOF* they are in love again with someone else.I don't much believe it.I think love is pretty rare and I attach a very high value to it.
We seek in others that which is the deepest reflection of ourselves. To the extent with which we value that reflection, we will either experience, or fake, a sense of self esteem.
At that time in my life I had been divorced for about 3 years; I might have been walking around but inside I was deader than a Beaver Hat.Sure, I missed love... that is to say I missed the softening of the heart that occurs when you find some resonance in your life. The sense of life and joy when you see your reflection and your highest values in someone else as you melt into them.
Then I ran into Lily.
It was a few weeks after dancing with Julie and she stole my heart.So, Lily, we start at the beginning.... ""

In the fall of 2000 I moved into some really cool Apartments. All single story, it had been an assisted living complex once upon a time. I had wood floors, vaulted ceiling and a “Handicap” shower. Of the 48 units there were only about 12 that were occupied. It was like I had the whole place to myself.
One evening in December I walked to the Coke machine by the office. A Red Ford Ranger is pulling into the Parking lot as I make my selection. It skids to a stop and a girl gets out. She’s swingin’ a purse, she’s wearing checkered print pants and a smock of some sort and she has an exhausted but happy look on her face. She is approaching the coke machine and I just cant quite take my eyes off her. Her face, her expression and the way she carries herself was like a reflection...It would be several weeks before I realized how pretty she was. Right then I was forming an impression of who this person was and what they were about and for the first time in a long time I knew that I was mostly right.
Resonance.
She steps up to the machine and gasps”They better not be out of Dr. Pepper again”.
I see the little light and say “I am afraid that they are”.
She feigns frustration , throws up her hands and does some kind of half-assed kick on the machine.
“I have been leaving notes’ she says.
“Yeah, I might should leave one for you as well” says I.
Resonance.
As I walked back to my Apartment I felt like I had been hit by…just insert whatever cliché you like here. It had been so long…like an Ocean of time I had crossed disconnected from even myself. In the past, such a strong feeling of connection would be accompanied by a way in. Some way to make a move.
Resonance.
An hour later I was at the Grocery Store. As I approach the Cashier, what do I see but…no, not the girl, but 12-packs of Dr. Peppers. I grab one. Its all coming back to me now. If nothing else, this is going to be fun. Moreover, I am truly sorry that the Apartments cannot keep enough sodas for a very interesting Lady that has affected me so strongly.
Back at the Apartment, I place the 12 Pack into the back of her Truck. I remember wondering to myself if she would know who had left them. And the note. Yeah, I left a 4-word note, unsigned.

It read, quite simply
“May you never thirst”
I hadn’t felt that good since the end of the Vietnam War!
The next morning there was a little note on MY truck.
She signed hers…”Lily”

I knew we were going to be friends.

DREAMS 202

Sometime in early December of 2000 (OK, it was the 8th) I met Lily. I was completly smitten right away, and as things go with me there were a few obstacles that might prevent her from feeling the same way.
Namely, a husband (she was separated) and a Boyfriend.
But my love, it was strong and I was undaunted.
At some point in the 4 month period that I did everything short of stalk her, I had this dream.
I was walking with Lily through the Park. We came to a blanket laid out in a meadow. There were Strawberries and Champagne and it was getting to be close to sunset. And while Lilly had told me she had a Date later that night, we had time to sit on the blanket, eating Strawberries and drinking Champagne.
“Would you like a footrub?” I ventured.
“That would be the Bomb” says Lily. (I never did get used to that expression)
So off come the shoes and I begin to rub her feet. I’m Lovin it. And I am hoping she is too. It is absolute serendipity, a divine gift to stumble onto this blanket and Amenities that may have fallen from heaven.
“Feels good?” says I.
“Feels good” says she, “But what we need is some lotion”
As if by Magic a bottle of lotion appears in my hand.
“And some pillows” requests Lily. And the pillows materialize under her head.
So as I am rubbing the lotion onto her feet we gaze into each others eyes. Deeply. And though it has been a while since I have seen this look, I can tell that it is time for me to kiss Lily. Our faces draw closer, our lips part, never breaking the deepness of our gazing. Only an inch from the blissful union, my eyes unlock from hers just enough to notice that there is a very small piece of dirt on her upper lip. I look back to her eyes, then back to the dirt. I reach with my hand to brush the speck away.
OH NO!!! Now there is a HUGE GLOP of Lotion where the dirt had been.
I look back into her eyes. The look of anticipation that had been in her eyes a moment before has been replaced by confusion. The look of desire that had been in my eyes is replaced by...
SHEER HORROR!!!
I cannot kiss her with that big glop of lotion on her lip and so far all I have done is make things worse. It demands an explanation. So with the look of real heartfelt sorrow. I look deeply into Lily’s eyes and with a pained voice tell her
“OH, LILY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE REALLY MAD AT ME!”
I woke up, Howling with laughter!
Other peoples dreams rarely come across well and so much of a dream gets lost in translation.
We really take things far too seriously most of the time. Sometime in early April... (OK, it was the 2nd) Lily did finally come to knock on my door

DESPERATELY SEEKING

This is Lily, whom I have been madly in love with for five years.
when she crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue I go wild.
I kissed her once, a long time ago, and she cried.
I'm thinking about breaking up with her.
When I told her that she laughed and said that was probably a good idea.
We are friends.


DESPERATLY SEEKING BAND MOTHER WITH FRESHMAN OR SOPHOMORE IN BAND
PREFER WOODWINDS BUT WILL ACCEPT DRUMLINE OR BRASS, COLOR GUARD WOULD BE GOOD TOO
ANY SECTION AND ANY SCHOOL WILL DO
5A, 4A, 3A, ANY CLASS WILL BE FINE
MUST BE WILLING TO ATTEND ALL EVENTS AND PUT UP WITH CLAPPING YELLING AND CALLING MAJOR ATTENTION TO ONESELF.
I LOVE TO COOK AND PLAY DRESS UP.
I'VE NEVER BEEN ANY GOOD AT ONE NIGHT STANDS, BUT I DO MISS THE SOFTENING OF THE HEART THAT OCCURS WHEN YOU LET SOMEONE MELT INTO YOU.
I'LL BE YOUR GARDEN.
YOU'LL BE MY FLOWER.

I always wondered if I were to do a "Personal" what it would be.
Now I know!
And ya'll thought I was through with this!

NO GUTS, NO GLORY

I did a post a while back (see “Staff Sgt. Renfro”) and mentioned an old girlfriend, Jeri. This is the story of how she came to get shed of me.
It was at her 16th Birthday Party, held at her parents house, that we met our end. In attendance were several of her friends, but mostly it was relatives and cousins. Of course her parents were there and I thought they were pretty cool compared to mine.
At some point in the evening it was announced there would be a game and 3 volunteers were needed. Of course I was one of the volunteers along with two other fellows. The “Game” was to be played as such;
Brown paper bags were placed on and over each contestants head rendering them blind and in the dark. It was then announced that each contestant was to remove the last thing they put on that day. Some of you, I am sure, are familiar with this game. I was not.
I took off my shoes.
We were then instructed to take off the next item we had put on that day.
I took off my socks.
There was a spattering of nervous laughter and I could sense that my fellow contestants lacked the nerve and were now dropping out. I was instructed to remove the next last thing I had put on that day.
I took off my shirt.
The laughter is becoming more raucous now and I sense that the younger attendees are being ushered to another room. I can especially hear Jeri’s Mother.

It was about then that I realized the object of this game was for me to take off the Brown Paper Bag, it being the last thing I put on that day!
I had reached a cusp and the Gauntlet had definitely been thrown...I could either remove the bag or continue to play chicken with the audience. The room is fairly howling now and through laughter I hear some one say ..
"NOW...(snickering)...TAKE OFF THE (hmm) LAST THING YOU PUT ON TODAY...."

You know I did...
I took off my pants.
The room erupts as I am left standing there in my Fruit of the Looms with a bag over my head.
It was a long moment before Jeri snatched the bag off of my head whispering angrily
“YOU STUPID SON-OF –A –BITCH”
and handed me my pants.
I looked over to Jeri’s mom who through tears of laughter says to me
“You are quite a little character aren’t you!”


Well that was about it for Jeri and I but I want you to know that the rest of the family just about adopted me. They were always a lot of fun to be around.

THIS ONE IS JUST FOR ME

Several posts back led to some mention of a Lady named Lily and it appeared as though I might tell the Story of Lily.
Certainly Lily wants me to. She has begged me to.
"Vanity, thy name is Woman."
Let me start out by saying that my "Ex-Wife and best friend" Shila re-married a very good friend of mine, Jeff. They had been married for a year when I met Lily.
After I met Lily and professed my love for her I was told by another friend that:
1)Shila was jealous of Lily.
2) Jeff was jealous of me.
To me, thats pretty screwed up.
Myself, I have never had much room for jealousy or the ownership of other people though I may have been better served if I had.
After much consideration I have determined that there may be some stories that are better kept to myself. Maybe this one is just for me. After 6 years it is still page to page.
My friend Creative Soul wraps these things up pretty quickly and I have to admire her for that.
http://creativesoul2005.blogspot.com/
And, Barbara we may have a hap-hap-happy ending yet!!!
There is no skipping to the back of the book.
But if I should nail it this weekend, ya'll will be the first to know.

ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY

Where were we...
"Both at once say to me "BECAUSE SHE IS JUST A SLUT!"
Not exactly a ringing endorsement.... but you know what? You like who you like. And I pretty much do my own living and let the chips fall where they may.
You also have to consider the source(s).
You are very perceptive, Kissyface. Judge way. From what I know of you, you are right.
Nancy and Jo are not exactly the Sisters of Mercy.
But that is a whole 'nother Blog.
No joke.
Julie and I had fun. I didn't take her home and she didn't try to rape me on the dance floor. She seemed like a friend to me. I figured that I would probably see her around, and I think she thought so too. We were wrong. I haven't seen her since that one night 6 years ago.
I hope she has found something worth looking for by now.
I don't make the rounds much anymore, but from what I hear Nancy and Jo are still taking on all comers and layin' 'em in the aisles at the Hi-Hat Lounge....tell 'em I sent you.
I know people that are always in love, and then love goes, or they find out their beloved is not who they thought they were and *POOF* they are in love again with someone else.
I don't much believe it.
I think love is pretty rare and I attach a very high value to it.
We seek in others that which is the deepest reflection of ourselves. To the extent with which we value that reflection, we will either experience, or fake, a sense of self esteem.
At that time in my life I had been divorced for about 3 years; I might have been walking around but inside I was deader than a Beaver Hat.
Sure, I missed love... that is to say I missed the softening of the heart that occurs when you find some resonance in your life.
Then I ran into Lily. It was a few weeks after dancing with Julie and she stole my heart.
So, Lily, we start at thebeginning.....

(to be continued)

THESE THINGS WILL HAPPEN IN TIME

"You can drink it, or you can nurse it
It don't matter how you Worship
As long as you're down on your knees."
Light as a Breeze

I love the way songwriters can say so much with so few words.

"I had some trouble, but I'm ....OK
Been through the wringer but I'm....OK
Walls are fallin' but I'm.....OK"
Fascist Architecture

It seems so long ago; I've been telling that story for years.
I have changed a lot in the last six years.
Sometimes I hardly recognize myself.
Part of it is in the story, but not the way you might think.
See, if someone told me guys weren't talking to her for those reasons, I would no longer make the kind of remark I was once so proud of.
Too unkind.
Instead I would say 5 simple words:
"You can talk to me"

I have hurt an lot of people close to me with my humor and quick wit.
You won't do much harm by being kind, and just a little kindness goes a long, long way.
I learned that its OK to joke yourself, but its not OK to joke other people.
I still tread too heavily on occasion.

There was a time when I didn't give a good gol durn what anyone thought of me.
I'm fine, thank you very much.
I see it differently now; its important what people think of you.
Its good for people to like you.
Lets take it a little further.
The most powerful force that I have seen is when people think that you like them.

Enough of all that.
There is more, something deeper, as well, but I don't quite have the words for that yet.

"YOU CAN DRINK IT, OR YOU CAN NURSE IT..."

Last week I wrote about a bit of an adventure ( see "I lIKE MY SUGAR SWEET") I took at a local Bar. I received many conciliatory comments concerning treatment I received fom a lady there. While I am apreciative of such comments it is only fair that I point in defense of this lady that we do not know to what lengths she had been badgered before she ran into me. I am sure that a lady tires of "cock-blocking" and some of the attempts suitors may try are probably quite absurd. While she was in no danger that I would try to inflict myself upon her, there are probably more than a few mullets willing to try the WarnerBrothers- Loony Tunes cartoon pick-up approach that I so poorly presented.
Even when I was younger, faster and better looking I never considered myself enough of a cocksman to walk into a Bar and exit with a young lady on my arm with horizontal refreshments being our next stop. Not that it did not happen on occasion but this was certainly the 100 to 1 shot. In all honesty, I never left a bar for that reason with a gal I didn't already know.
I just don't warm up that quick.
I had several musician friends that I would go to see a various clubs. None were famous, although Buddy has been the Lead Guitarist for no less than John Mayall, ten years now.
http://www.johnmayall.com/buddy.html
Just local guys mostly, doing covers, and a lot of times I would help them break down and load up at the end of the night. I went for the music and the friendship.
I knew most of the regulars at two of the bars, but mostly from a distance.
A lot of the Musician's friends had become my friends as well.
Fifteen years ago, I began to notice a bit of a trend.
Invariably, I would be approached by a girl that would introduce herself by saying:
" Why is it that a when a guy finds out that he is not going to take you home he does not want to talk to you anymore?"
I'm just a regular lookin' guy...it didn't happen often...the recurring introductory statement was very odd...
Over the period of three years I guess it happened 5 times.
I guess it was the second instance that I fell into my comeback line:

"Maybe you would have better luck at Church".

I never actually got my face slapped but I wasn't winning any friends either. Nobody seemed to find the humor in it, and they would move on, looking for a more sympathetic ear, I suppose.
I liked it, though; I thought it was hilarious and quite insightful and very good advice.
One night a fairly pretty young lady approached me.

"Why is it that when a guy finds out you aren't going home with him , he doesn't want to talk to you anymore?"
"Maybe you would have better luck at Church"

She looked at me kind of quizzingly for a moment and began to laugh; a real laugh, right from the gut.
'Oh, thats funny" she says 'is that like supposed to be a joke?"
I told her that yes, it was supposed to be a joke and that I was glad she didn't take it personal and that for some time I had had women approach me with the remark that she had made.
I asked her if finding a guy that didn't want to take her home was really her goal.
She laughed again!
I've said before that I generally don't warm up to people that quick, but here was someone that was not immediatly offended. She even seemed to think, as I did, that this slightly rude remark had a certain wit to it.
So we talked for a while and she seemed OK.....
I even began to warm up to her a little bit....
She kept laughing at most of my jokes...
After 20 minutes I still had not run her off...
Even dancing with her did not run her off. In fact, before too long, as she was rubbing herself up against my thigh, I began to get the picture that if I so wanted, I would be able to take this girl home.
A bit of a paradox, no?

I excused myself for a moment and went to the mens room. On the way back I saw two friends, Nancy and Jo; I thought I might ask them about my new friend Julie and met them at one end of the Bar. Nancy and Jo knew everybody.
We exchanged the usual greetings ; I had known them for years.
"Hey, I just met this girl Julie. Do ya'll know her?"
"Who?" asks Nancy
"Julie" I say and point her out. 'She seems just real nice"
'Oh God, Steve, no, no, NO!" says Jo and she and Nancy suddenly develop a case of the giggles.
They are, like, rolling their eyes and clutching each other.
"Why not?" I ask, the picture of innocence, and a little disappointed.
Both at once say to me "BECAUSE SHE IS JUST A SLUT!"



(to be continued)