Sunday, April 19, 2015


I was in a hotel café in the lobby where you get a complimentary breakfast; cereal, Danish, donuts, maybe some eggs and sausage, and they usually have a waffle iron. Of course, coffee and juice.
I was in Las Cruces, New Mexico, just passing through.
Of course, being in the lobby, there is a big wide open area, and an Atrium that goes up about 3 stories to a glass ceiling where you can see the sky.
Now I have a big voice. Always have. Its booms even with my normal tone. Its partly due to having worked in a Kitchen for a long time, where its loud and you have to talk loud to be heard. But its also because I just get kind of excited when I talk.
So I’m having my breakfast and my phone rings and it’s a friend of mine.
We chat for a minute, and its good to hear from her, and I’ll be home by the end of the day and she asks me:
“So, how was San Diego?”
So I start telling her about San Diego:
“I saw the aircraft carrier Midway! They have Jacaranda trees with pretty flowers on them every where! I went to a haunted hotel, and saw the bathtub Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis took a bath in!
I ate oysters, and swam in the Pacific!”
By now I’m pretty worked up, right? And I probably don’t notice that I’ve turned the volume up pretty good, and my voice is bouncing off the rock walls and glass ceiling of the atrium and you can probably hear me in down in the deepest part of Carlsbad Cavern. I continue, my Texas accent really starting to come out:
“I met these three California girls while I was swimming in the Pacific. They sure enough liked me. They just LOVED my voice.
They wanted to know:
"Do you always say "Ya'll"?"
"All the time ma'am."
They look at each other, gasping and giggling, and Debbie says "He said Ma'am!" and they turn back to me and Linda asks "Do you always say ma'am?"
"Yes ma'am"
They are delighted. Apparently this is their first exposure to southern gentility.
Linda asks "What about when you are talking to a man?"
I go into my best Foghorn Leghorn impersonation, you know, the big Rooster from the cartoon...
"Suh! I say, I say, Suh! This heah is a chicken, Suh!"

"Oh you are so FUNNY too!" they said and took me by the arm and we just had us a time!”

About this time I had noticed a woman across the lobby sitting with her husband. She had stopped eating her breakfast, and she was looking right at me. She set down her fork on the table, and as I said “we had us a time” she took two fingers and stuck them in her open mouth, as if trying to force herself to throw up.

I actually went over after I finished breakfast and tried to make an apology.
But it was awkward.
Don't ever bother apologizing to a bitch.

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