14 YEARS CLEAN AND SOBER

 NEW BRAUNFELS JUMPING BEANS

oDwn at the ZZ top concert we were standing in a pretty thick crowd, asshole to elbow. I had to throw a few elbows every now and then to help create a little space for the three of us. There was a young cowboy to my front right. I gave him a few pretty good nudges. He was pretty good natured about it and would give us a little space, smiling at me and giving me a little fist bump..

In between songs he turned to me and offered me a couple big white pills in the bottom of a cup. I looked up to him and I told him "No thank you. I've got 14 years clean and sober. No alcohol or dope at all".

He said "Dude, that's great" and withdrew the cup. Another fist bump and we smiled at each other.

I couldn't help but wonder what that was he offered me. Ecstasy? Hydrocodone? White witches? Some kind of cocaine/fentanyl/propanol/ketamine tossed salad? New Braunfels jumping beans? These were pretty big pills.

So during a break between songs I leaned over and asked him:

"What was that you tried to give me anyway?"

"Copenhagen" came his reply.

Copenhagen pouches. Shit. 

 Yeah, I do everything I can to protect my clean time but I still felt like a bit of an idiot.

IF YOU WANT A FRIEND, BE A FRIEND

 

A few months back I’m talking to the Ex-Mrs Bulletholes, Shila. She tells me she and our good friend Lisa are going to see Willie Nelson and ZZ Top in April.
“You should get a ticket and come with us” She says.
“Oh yeah? You think?”
“Sure “ she says. “We are getting a B&B. If you go, you cant sleep with me, you’ll have to sleep with Lisa”
This makes me giggle.
“So how much are tickets?” I ask, thinking there no way I can afford ZZ and Willie. “Seventy-five dollars” she says.
“Seventy five dollars? Where is this show at, out in a field somewhere?” I’m thinking my days of outdoor concerts in fields is probably long past.
She gets that excited, unsinkable look on her face that I have always loved. Nodding her head she says “YES! Out in a field!” She is beaming.

I laughed. But the more I thought about it the next few days, the more I thought what the hell. We could have fun. Lisa just lost her husband, my friend Larry. I never liked a man as much as liked Larry.  I know this is a wonderful distraction for her. And besides, “NO” is not a word we use around here, not where our friends are concerned. Its all part of participating in your own life. If you want a friend,  be a friend.
So  called Lisa. She was excited that I would go.
“Shila says I have to sleep with you though”
Lisa laughs. “That’s probably not going to happen” But its worth it to hear Lisa laugh.

 So I bought my ticket. I called Shila. “I got my ticket. I’m coming with y’all. I told Lisa that you said I had to sleep with her”
Shila says “That’s not what I told you. I said you couldn’t sleep with me, you would have to sleep with Lisa”
I took a page from Shila’s book.
“That’s right” I said in my most excited voice “You said I’d have to sleep with Lisa!”

 So I hope they have a couch for me.

 Lisa and I go way back. I was a senior and she was junior when we met in Journalism class. During Christmas break I got the courage up to go see her the day before New Years to ask her out. As I was walking up the walk, a dude was leaving her house. James, a loser. I don’t mean to be judgmental, but this guy, I don’t think he could spell CAT if you spotted him the C and A.
“Hey James” I said as we passed on the walk.
“Hey Steve” says he.
I got to the door and rang the bell. Lisa opened the door and with a huge look of relief on her face says “Oh Thank God”.

We got to be fast friends  from there, and kissing buddies. We kissed all the time, even when her boyfriend moved up from Houston. Maybe not ALL the time after that, but sometimes I'd pull her into the next room for a quickie. It drove him crazy. 
I lost track of her about 1978, but in 1981 I was standing in line with my girlfriend at Galligaskins sandwich shop out on Camp Bowie. Some people came in behind us. I turned and glanced at them and did a double take. It was Lisa! With some guy. A NEW boyfriend. During my double take Lisa  was silently mouthing to me “Steve?”
I couldn’t help it. I took her in my arms and planted the worlds most passionate kiss right on her lips, in front of the world, in front of my girlfriend and her boyfriend.

That's all there ever was. Everybody ought have a kissin' buddy or two growing up, doncha think? We no longer do the full on liplock, but anytime we meet there is a friendly little peck for old times sake. 

A LITTLE PRICK

 I had a CAT scan done last week to make sure no cancer is trying to come back from my kidney removal last year.

They had to put in an Intravenous tube, which requires a needle. I don’t like it. Don’t like it one bit. I have to look away and I always gasp, even if all I feel is a little teeny tiny prick. 

The girl that put the IV, she was good, but noted the gasp and asked "Are you okay?"

I let out a sigh. “Yes, I’m fine but I really HATE these things. Very invasive” in my best Daffy Duck voice.

And we laughed.

She says "Well it's over now. Everything's okay"

“NO, No, no, it is not not not okay. Not OK at all. There is a tube hanging out of my arm that IS NOT supposed to be there.”

She said "Well the needle is out"

I laughed. “Don't try to sugar coat this for me!”

We both laughed. She was real nice and played along with my grouchy old man routine.

It got even better. She took me to the dressing room and turned on the light. Only one of the four lights was working. It was dark, like the back table down at The Pussycat Lounge. She says “I know it's a little dark in here but the light really is on.”

“You keep telling me things that are only half true” I whined.

And we laughed.