ALWAYS IN DANGER

Post inspired by Live and Learn. Asking prayers for brother.

We had our big ISO audit yesterday. When they got to me they wanted to see my receive process. I grabbed a box that came from out LAX maintenance center. Probably a radio that needs repair.

“I can show you better than I can tell you” I said.

I opened the box. No packing slip, no repair tag, both ISO requirements. My ears go red.

“Well, lets take a look in the database. There will be a ship task done for shipping it here.”

Well, guess what? No ship task. It’s a mystery basket, that’s what I got.

My boss, he says “Its not your fault. All you did was open the box”
Still, its no way to start an ISO audit. Frigging LAX, I should have known better.

There is a song from the 80’s I think of it a lot, but I can only remember 3 words from the song. The singer is singing about people, and the words are “always in danger”.

“Always in danger”
I guess some more than others. But we all get our turn.

I found the song. Went right to it.  I was pretty sure who it was.  Good song.

A FIVE HOT RACIST

I have no doubt whatsoever that Donald Trump's hateful anti-immigrant rhetoric is inspiring crimes of mass carnage, such as the one that occurred in El Paso. I also have no doubt whatsoever that there's a small segment of Trump voters out there who believe this, and a huge segment that refuse to. They deny he's a racist, which makes me wonder about them. That's why I've started a sliding scale for racists. Like for Thai food, ya know, 1 Hot thru 5 Hot.
I give Trump a solid 4 Hot.
Me? I give myself a 2 Hot.
If you would like to know how I score you, send $20 and a stamped self addressed envelope to me. 
Allow 3 weeks for delivery.

A BUS RIDE TO THE STAR MARKET

That story in the bible about the lady touching the hem of Jesus' robe, its one of the ones that really gets me.

Dave has a story, it reminds me of something shameful in my life. Just a moment I relive often enough.

I was raised in suburbia all my life. I’d never taken a bus or public transportation anywhere.

About 20 years ago my kids, 5 and 7, and I had occasion to take the bus to the zoo. Our start was from their grandma’s house, in a rough part of town.

When we got on the bus and were looking for a spot to sit, I saw all the folks on the bus---mostly low income inner city sorts of people—and I was way out of my comfort zone.

I’ve never thought of myself as racist, class conscious,  snobby, or whatever.
I grew up in Detroit, during the riots, cried when MLK was shot, thought myself to be pretty liberated, enlightened, tolerant and respectful of all peoples no matter their station in life.
I spied a cop sitting about the middle of the bus.

“Here kids, we’ll be safe here “ I said, and herded the kids into the seat in front of the cop.

There probably isn’t a month go by that I don’t replay that little episode in my head.

Here, 20 years later and having been about a step away from being homeless myself, I have to think that I wouldn’t feel so detached from humanity.

At least I wouldn’t ANNOUNCE it!

THE STAR MARKET

The people Jesus loved were shopping at the Star Market yesterday.
An old lead-colored man standing next to me at the checkout
breathed so heavily I had to step back a few steps.

Even after his bags were packed he still stood, breathing hard and
hawking into his hand. The feeble, the lame, I could hardly look at them:
shuffling through the aisles, they smelled of decay, as if the Star Market
had declared a day off for the able-bodied, and I had wandered in
with the rest of them — sour milk, bad meat —
looking for cereal and spring water.

Jesus must have been a saint, I said to myself, looking for my lost car
in the parking lot later, stumbling among the people who would have
been lowered into rooms by ropes, who would have crept
out of caves or crawled from the corners of public baths on their hands
and knees begging for mercy.

If I touch only the hem of his garment, one woman thought,
could I bear the look on his face when he wheels around?

- Marie Howe -
(from "The Kingdom of Ordinary Time")

MEDITATION

About 20 years ago I started losing some teeth. All in the back, so I kept my good looks, mostly. They would hurt like hell a couple times in a six month span, then just fall out. I guess about 6 or 8 teeth were lost. I learned that if I laid there and moaned, loud and long, it provided some relief. I didn’t know how, but it seemed to help.
Nowadays I wake up sometimes with a sour stomach. The same thing works. I moan and groan, loud and long. The more pitiful I sound the better it works.
After about 5 or six big long moans, the discomfort is pretty well gone.
Anyway, we were talking about meditation at my NA group last week. A guy was talking about breathing while he meditates. And I realized that the way all my moaning and groaning works is because of the way it regulates my breathing!
I think there is probably more to meditation than just moaning and groaning, but it’s a start.

SUICIDE WATCH

To the tune of America. The meters a little off.


“God Bless poor Hillary
Criminal that we love
Stand beside her, and guide her 
On a perp walk next week or in a year or two
Through Benghazi
Through her Emails
Through Fake DNC FISA’s
And Uranium One!
Gobless poor Hillary
Nothing ever sticks!
Gobless poor Hillary
Nothing (nothing) ever (ever) sticks!”

A FEW INCHES OF LIGHT

"It's incredibly touching when someone who seems so hopeless finds a few inches of light to stand in and makes everything work as well as possible. All of us lurch and fall, sit in the dirt, are helped to our feet, keep moving, feel like idiots, lose our balance, gain it, help others get back on their feet, and keep going."
 - Anne Lamott

STEP ONE

As part of working step one I want you to think about reservations. Ask yourself if you are harboring any. Ask yourself if you were harboring a reservation, what would it be? Is there anything that could happen that might tempt you to use.
And think about resignation and surrender.

Explain the difference between resignation and surrender.

Is there an instance this week where you surrendered, and it kept you out of pain?

Are there times when it is best to consider yourself a casual observer instead of personally involved in a situation?

Has there been a time when you refused to resign? What did that mean for you?

THE LEAST RACIST

I’ve adopted the “5 Hot” rating system for Racism. Like when you go for Thai food, and order the Shrimp Pad Thai, and you like it a little hotter than medium hot, so you go with “4 Hot”. Your date, she doesn’t like it that hot, so she has the Chicken Krapow “2 Hot”. I like my Yum Nua a little hotter than 4, so I go with “5 Hot “ on the Yum Nua.
Trump scores himself a "1 Hot". Says he is the "least Racist " person in the world. He looks hotter than that to me. At least a "3 Hot".
Me? I give myself a "2 Hot". I generally avoid rating my friends.

"WE KNOW A THING OR TWO BECAUSE WE'VE SEEN A THING OR TWO"

Here where I work they are instituting a safety program that is out of this world. They have taken away my pointy scissors and replaced my utility knives with the kind with retractable blades. I have to wear gloves if I use anything that cuts, including the round nosed scissors. 

I asked if I had to have a glove for the hand that holds the knife. They said “Which hand will touch the blade?” 

I said “Neither”.  Duh.

Do they not know I spent 6 hours a day for 25 years with knives of all sorts-- shave the hair off your arms sharp-- in my hands? Have they nothing better to do than bother people like me?

I'm trying to be compliant. I've come a long ways.
Four years ago, before the big saftety push, my micromanaging little boss came to me and said "I'd like you to get some steel-toed shoes. Bring me the receipt and we will reimburse you."

How did I react? By pointing out that was the dumbest thing I ever heard. That’s just how I rolled I guess, turning down free shoes.

But he won...I went to Red Wing, full of resentment, and bought a two hundred fifty five dollar pair of steel toes.

Tossed the receipt on his desk like it was an old lunch sack from Jack In The Box.

Ended up I LIKE those shoes. I wear them all the time, all five pounds each of them.  I've never had any two hundred fifty dollar a pair shoes before.

And I resolved to try to be more compliant, more open minded, and less of a hammerhead to my boss.

So when the new boss came to me 3 months ago and said I needed to go get safety glasses, on the company dime, I tried being more compliant.

I tried surrender.

I said "OK".

He looked so relived.

Then you know what I said?

"Boss, I've had these shoes for almost five years. Do you think I can get a new pair?"

So now I have safety glasses, a new pair of shoes, and safety scissors.
Whats next? A rubber knife?

PAMPHLETS ARE FOR SUCKERS

"Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it."

Ray Bradbury.

MINIMUM PAYMENTS ARE FOR SUCKERS

When I stopped doing the dope I had been in banking time out for a few years. I could take $30,000 to a bank to deposit, and they would say “No Mr. Bulletholes, we don’t want your money in our bank. You are too much trouble.” So I had to go 7 years without a bank account. Cashing checks at the Quick Stop. Pay as you go for everything.
Finally the 7 years was up.
Thanks to Narcotics Anonymous I had finally learned to live life on its own terms. To live within my means. To renew my drivers license before it came due. To pay my rent on time. To maintain car insurance and have proper licensing and registration.

Its a form the Seventh Tradition: "Every group (me) should be fully self supporting, declining outside contributions". That also includes things like keeping a clean house. I'm still working on that. 

I have a drawer full of credit cards now, but if I use one, its paid off within months. Paid off before they can charge me any interest.
Beacause... 
Minimum payments are for suckers.

ELEVEN YEARS CLEAN TODAY!

EXPIRED

 I've had my sisters car since she died in 2015. I discovered yesterday there is a slide out tray under the passenger seat. In that tray were 4 of those peanut butter cheese cracker things. I had one last night. It tasted kinda old but it didn't kill me. I tried another one the next night, and it tasted REALLY old, and it didnt kill me, but I threw them away just the same.

THE HEAT WAS HOT

Oh gosh, I hadn’t posted in a long time. I get a little caught up in my life. Lots of things to write, just not writing much, but I wouldn’t trade all my Narcotics Anonymous involvement these days for all the writing in the world. I've been to some of the most amazing meetings ever this last year.

Its gotten hot down here. Bumping on 100 degrees. Last month I had meant to post the following:

 I just walked in from work. It’s getting pretty darn hot out there already. I turned on the news. There is the weatherman, giving his report.

“It’s a nice mild 84 degrees out there. Low humidity, which makes it quite comfortable. Quite comfortable indeed”
My God in Heaven.

All I can think is “I’m not going to make it this year.

Interview with Townes Van Zandt about Blaze Foley:

Interviewer: “So, what songs did Blaze write?”
Townes: “Ever heard of Clay Pigeons?”
Interviewer: “No”
Townes: “He wrote that. How about Big Cheeseburgers?”
Interviewer: “No”
Townes:He wrote that. How about “Theres no Goodwill Stores in Waikiki”?
Interviewer: “Um, no”
Townes: He wrote that. How about Achy-Breaky Heart? Have you heard of that?
Interviewer: “Yes! I know that one.”
Townes: He didn’t write that one.
From the 2018 movie "Blaze". Good movie.

Blaze pictured left with Townes in the middle.

SHE COULD TALK THE EARS OFF A WOODEN INDIAN

The X mrs Bulletholes likes to tell the kids about how we met working at the Hyatt. I had just finished cleaning a big Halibut, which included carving his eye out and placing it in my mouth for a little kitchen fun. I turned to go show my buddty that I had three eyes by opening my mouth to display the big Halibut eye which was a perfect size for such nonsense.

As I turned, there she was, redheaded and freckled and cute and I had been dying to meet her for months. She was a Banquet Bartender.
'Hello" she says. 

All I could do was give her a long faced look, the one where you try to keep from smiling...and I nodded and grunted in reply. She began to talk to me, just chatting away, and me making all these dumb expressions, unable to say a word trying to figure out how to get out of this.
I was really stuck, stuck like a fly on sticky paper. At some point I just thought what the hell, opened my mouth and displayed this big fisheye. 

She screamed and then she laughed.... thats when I knew she was the one!

PAY ATTENTION

I like it when I go to Sonic, and the girl taking my order sounds like she is new; she stumbles over the order a little bit (unsweet raspberry ice tea, easy ice) and when she comes out the door I can see that she is worried, tentative, maybe her last customer was mean, but she comes out the door and shes frowning and uptight, she looks up and sees me, I give her my biggest best smile and I can see the worry melt off her face, her shoulders relax, and she is smiling too, and she gets to the car and I give her my best hello and thank you, now she's half laughing happy and relieved and says you're welcome and confidently skips back to the door, what a great day at work she must be thinking. Its not much, but its good to know you can have that kind of power if you just pay attention to someone besides yourself.

THE LEGEND OF THE WHITE FLAG

We have a legend and an artifact down at my NA Group. The artifact is a mop handle with a white towel hanging from the wall. The legend is that one day a recovering addict was wanting to use. He called his sponsor. “What should I do?” he asked.

“Where are you ?” asked the sponsor.

“I’m at Precinct Line and the freeway”

“There is a Target store there, yes?”
“Yes”

“Pull in to the Target parking lot and park”
“Ok Done”

“Now go into the store, to the household aisle”

“OK, I’m there”

“Grab a mop handle and a white cleaning towel.”

“OK”
“Go to the register and pay”

“All paid”
“Now go outside and tie the white towel to the end of the mop handle”

“Got it”
“Now go out to the corner of Precinct Line and the freeway, wave your flag and yell “I surrender”.

So he went out to the busy intersection and followed his instructions.

“I surrender, I surrender, I surrender” he hollered, waving his flag.
His sponsor asked him “So now, do you still want to use?”

In all the excitement, he had forgotten all about using…

We say surrender is the key. And following instructions, surrenders baby brother.

Sorrily, the white towel and mop handle was misplaced when we painted a while back. I wish we still had it.

THINGS OVERHEARD THIS WEEKEND

I have a friend whose grandkids, 4 and 5 years old, were invited to have their pictures taken with actors dressed as WW2 Nazi soldiers.
They shook their heads. No. They would prefer not to.
One of the Nazi soldiers asked them “Is it because we are dressed as bad guys?”
One of them nodded his head. Yes. 
No statues needed to inform today’s youth who the bad guys were. They pick it up. They know.

THE POWER OF ART
You wont find many WW2 Memorials in Germany. You will find many commemorating the First War. Sometimes names were added to the First War sculptures of those fallen in the Second, such as this sculpture, created in 1935 and amended after 1945.
They say most of those sculptures created in the 20’s and 30’s were part of the Nazi propaganda effort.
Artistic style and expression was giving way to Nazi aesthetics.
More here…
https://vova.pomortzeff.com/german

ON ROE V. WADE

FROM MY FRIEND BARBARA

"Roe v Wade says the proper way to balance the fundamental right to make decisions affecting our own bodies and the rights of the unborn is to allow abortions with only minimal restrictions in the first trimester, restrict or ban in the second, and ban outright in the third. States can be less restrictive than that but they are not supposed to be more restrictive. So some very liberal states dont restrict second trimester and allow even "partial birth" abortion which is horrible. Now I will tell you, if a pregnant woman actually needs a horrible pregnancy- terminating procedure late in her pregnancy, for medical reasons, a doctor will perform it regardless of the law. And yes it's horrible but if you're pro-life you cant object to saving a mother's life. Anyone who decides after the first trimester to end a pregnancy without a medical reason is beyond my comprehension. I wholeheartedly agree that the baby's rights have to be protected and Roe v Wade recognizes this too. You don't fix that by criminalizing abortion. You fix that by enacting state laws that are as restrictive as Roe allows them to be. All a person has to do is fly from Alabama to California to change from a criminal to a law-abiding, 6 weeks pregnant young woman who survived a sexual assault. That's ridiculous! The Roe case is sound and DOES stick up for the baby's right to be born. Anyone who takes the time to read it will see that."

WHY I DON'T DATE

Bought tickets for an event at the bequest of one girl.
'You can take me there" she had said.

But an old boyfriend would be there, so she chickened out.
"I'm   sorry. I just can't handle it" she had said.
"Thats OK. You dont have to face anything you dont want to face" I said.

I asked two others.
Gina was busy. Venita was out of town.
Two more, Nina and Rina, did not return my calls. 

I asked another, Dina, who said “Have you asked Jenna if she and her son would like to go?”. Apparently, she would like a chaperone, yes? 

So I contacted Jenna, who seemed to be open to the idea. 

So quickly, I bought two more tickets, only to have Dina say “I hate to be a fuddy-duddy, but, a rain check?” 

So I ask Jenna if she is still in, and she says “I told Dina it’s a bad time for me” 

Well, guess what sister? 

It’s a bad time for me too. 

Now I got 4 tickets and I’m down to calling old loves from 16 years ago and girls with boyfriends:
“I need a date tonight. Pays 20 bucks.”