Friday, February 05, 2010


Have you ever been to one of these Metaphysical Shops? They have stuff like big plastic Green Buddha’s, necklaces with Unicorns and Fairies made from silver; Incense, Voodoo pins and Salvia.
You can buy a Crystal Ball, a Wizards robe, books on the Occult and candles black or white to go with the books.
Somewhere in the back of the shop they probably have a used Magic Carpet they would love to sell you.
My friend Kissyface wrote about one of these places last year.(CLICK HERE, REALLY, DO, ITS GREAT!)

They also have Magic Rocks. They have little ones, big ones, polished and unpolished, all the colors of the rainbow that will bring you all manner of peace and healing and relief.
The really nice rocks are the crystals, Quartz and Amethyst and such, nicely sitting on a wooden stand that will keep them from scratching the glass of the counter or once home, the top of your table. The thing is, if these rocks were truly magic, they wouldn’t need the stand but would levitate all by themselves, floating on air just like I did in my Recovery Dream.
Before I got clean, I used to buy Magic Rocks that came in a little bag. They were more magic than the ones at the Metaphysical Shop.
When they get a magic rock that floats on air, I’ll buy that.
I am glad that they don’t try to sell me that stuff down at NA. Instead what they try to sell me is a set of principles written so simply that I can apply them in my everyday life.
They call them ‘Spiritual Principles”.
I used to be a pretty good little Church boy, I sang in the Choir and everything.
I have heard the whole long list of the Ten Commandments.
I’ve heard the 23rd Psalm and the story of Job; I've even heard the Sermon on the Mount, but I had never heard of a Spiritual Principle before I came to Narcotics Anonymous.

So here they are:
Each of the 12 Steps coincides with one of these Spiritual principles. These steps seem to be not only keeping me from buying the little Magic Rocks that don't float, orthe ones that come in a liitle bag, but they are providing a sense of peace and healing, and a sense of relief. My life has become fuller and richer because of this program. I have found faith in people that believe in me and want to help me with my recovery.

There was a sentence in a reading that jumped out at me a few weeks ago.
It said that:
“The true measure of our recovery is in the daily maintenance of our Spiritual Condition”.
Man, they got all this Spiritual shit going on down there all the time. The truth is when I came to NA I had no Spiritual Condition. I thought that we were all just carbon compounds and noble gasses, and when we died we were dead, and we were dead a long fucking time.
It made me think of when I was 18 and what Spiritual meant to me back then.
Spiritual to me in 1975 was a mountainside in Oregon with a group of long haired freaky people wearing Earth Shoes, grokking in fullness with the forest, growing vegetables, living without electricity and plumbing in a Tepee, smoking a lot of pot and having a lot of free sex, singing John Lennon songs around a fire every night.
John Lennon might even be there, because, well, it would be such a groovy place that John would want to be there.
Spiritual to me back then was smoke rings and mushrooms, paisley and patchouli, incense and peppermints.
It would be beautiful man, at least until it turned ugly and spawned a modern day Charlie Manson or two.

And even though I used to be a pretty good little Church boy, sang in the Choir and everything, I’d never really heard the term “Spiritual Condition”.
I referred to my Recovery Dream earlier in the post. (Click here) The dream may have been partly explained with a reading the next day that said:
“The gift of the 12 Steps is coming to believe in a God of our own understanding”
I have to be honest with you, you who may think I’m getting all spiritual and shit. There is something about this idea that seems to be more of a threat than a blessing.
It scares the shit out of me.
But its keeping me away from the Magic Rocks man. And I’m not just doin’ it…I’m diggin’ it.
I’ve got 565 days clean now. I might could have done it without meetings and the 12 Steps and a power greater than myself, but I seriously doubt it.
And even if I had.. I’d be miserable.
My life has become fuller and richer because of this program. I have found faith in people that believe in me and want to help me with my recovery.
Its a gas, baby can ya dig it?


Anonymous said...

It is wonderful when you write so honestly and from your heart. I don't have the words to tell you how moved I was after reading this.

Barbara said...

You should be a poster boy for NA. It has worked so incredibly well for you. Those spiritual principles apply pretty well for the rest of us too.

SL said...

I can dig it!

GEWELS said...

So proud of you and love you (even more than the mushrooms back in the day).

Martijn said...

First of all: I enjoyed your writing a lot. As I always do. However, something is puzzling me. You wrote:

"I have to be honest with you, you who may think I’m getting all spiritual and shit. There is something about this idea that seems to be more of a threat than a blessing.
It scares the shit out of me."

Now I wonder if it is the idea of BEING 'all spiritual and shit' is scaring you, or when you think that WE think that you are getting et cetera. Well, both options are confusing to me. First of all, I got the idea that you liked turning more spiritual. And why wouldn't you? It helped you beat your habit, which is heap ugly juju (and again: I'm really very proud of you). But besides, a sense of spiritualness seems to me a comforting feeling, a stick to lean on, or even something that is getting you forward like an invicible Force. I wish I had more of that type of spirituality. My spirituality seems to manifest itself more in the form of mental demons and general negativity, but sometimes, no, a lot of times I have to say I can feel the power of the non-material. Not in crystals however, but when looking over the meadows for instance, or clouds, or paintings.

However, the other option, and this is how I read it literally, was that you were scared of our opinion about spirituality. I may have been a tat blasphemic in the past (and I can't guarantee I'm not gonna be it in the future), but that does not mean I look down on another man's religion. It's quite the opposite in fact.

Hey, my word ferification mis matched. Second time, I've got "peche", which is a peach in French, isn't it.

bulletholes said...

Martijn, if you were to hand me a shovel and point to the ground, and say
"Dig here and you will find 2 Million Dollars"
that would scare the shit out of me, because I'd be afraid of what I might do with Two million Dollars.
But I'd be doin' it.
Yep, I'd be diggin' it!
Can you dig it?

Martijn said...

I'm sorry, I think I'm missing the point. Are you saying that you are scared of getting into the gribs of a view that was not your own before? Is that what you're saying? I don't think I can play innocent language wise, I really don't know what you mean. You feel drawn towards a world of spirituality that you can't belief?

I've read the posting and your comments a couple of times but I don't understand. The 2 million bucks I get... that would be upsetting your world. Is that it? Enlighten me.

bulletholes said...

Yeah, thats close to it Marty, it upsets my world a bit. It hasn't been easy being more open-minded, but it seems to be working, so I can't stop now!
I don't really expect anyone to understand, and things work better for me when I just tell the story and let you guys figure it out.

GrizzBabe said...

That's beautiful, Steve!

Anonymous said...

Steve, my sister-in-law gave me a rock one time when I was feeling sick, claiming the rock was of a type that would make me feel better. And it wasn't a rock of cocaine, neither.

Of course the rock didn't do anything for me, maybe because I didn't believe in the rock because I have a hard time believing in anything.

But one thing I do believe in is that something happens in an NA meeting that helps to open my mind and spirit and hence to stay away from using, which for people like us is as natural as breathing.

I think about using every single day, but thanks to NA I manage to not use one day at a time.

That's a miracle, and I don't believe in miracles.

Congratulations, pal.

UF Mike