Friday, October 15, 2010

VICTORIAN HYSTERIA

I can still remember my Health Class back at LD Bell. It was taught by Coach Downs, a strong Christian man perfectly suited for being a Coach, or maybe a History teacher, but for whatever reason he was relegated to teach Health.And I guess he was OK at it, and pleased to do it. We covered diet, nutrition, and exercise, (his forte), I suppose we probably talked about Diseases and First Aid. Coach Downs was extremely comfortable and eloquent on those subjects.But then came the day (or week) when we had to talk about sexual matters. Things like Gonorrhea, crab lice, the importance of abstaining from sex until marriage (which few of us saw as anything remotely close to being an option, in fact, the driving force behind most of my endeavors was to get laid, and failing that, at least to do a lot of making out, which Coach Downs seemed to be dead set against), what a condom was and how it was used, male and female "genaltia"....I'll never forget the big *GULP* that Coach Downs would make before he said words like genaltia, syphilis, and vagina. Normally a slow talker with a West Texas accent, every time he had to say "Vagina" he would look at the ceiling, clear his throat, fidget from one foot to the next and spit it out so quick it sounded like one syllable.

"VGYNA"....maybe he was part Russian. I think poor Coach Downs would rather go winless an entire season than to have to be up there, talking Sex to us kids, mumbling out the horrid words:
"The (cough) penis goes in the (fidget) vgyna and we call (turning away from the class) that intercourse."
If we really wanted to torture him, all we had to do was start asking questions.
"The penis goes in what, Coach?"

So Donnye, my idiot homophobic Facebook friend, when you are so concerned about a Safe School Czar that is going to, as the articles you cite suggest, include fisting for teens, male to male blowjobs for fifth graders, the art of lesbian love and how to go down on your Den Mother for third graders, the upside of Pedophilia and the Man/Boy relationship as part of the curricula of our Public Schools, I think it’s a bit of a stretch, dude.
Who are you going to get to teach all that?

3 comments:

soubriquet said...

We had no sex education whatsoever at school.
Well, we learned about the reproductive cycle of a rabbit, but, unless you lust after small furry things, it's not going to help you much.

So I'm still guessing as to whether I'm doing it right.

Annie said...

Hello Texan...leave you alone for a moment, and this is where the conversation goes! :-D

And, Soubriquet, at least it wasn't the reproductive cycles of flies you concentrated on...that could leave you a bit perplexed! lol

Just passing through under a pseudonym, as I'm going to have to desert my old blog...can you guess who?

bulletholes said...

There is only one girl I know that could teach Fly Reproduction and keep it clean. She teaches Science over in England, and takes pics of clouds. She's the Anti-Medusa!
http://srevestories.blogspot.com/2007/04/anti-medusa.html

Hey Souby! I see you there too! Miss both you mates!