WHY WE BUILD THE WALL

Somebody is trying to sell me a wall. The same way they sold my father and my brother a Vietnam. 
We need a wall like we needed Vietnam. I ain’t buyin’ it.

Interesting song I heard last year on the Old Prairie Home Companion show.
Anais Mitchel, from her 2010 opera, "Hadestown". There is a minute of chatter before the song.

RASPBERRIES

I remember falling in love with Carol Channing when I was 10 years old. 
I could not resist the way she hollered “Raspberries!” in Thoroughly Modern Millie.
Carol, gone to the big glass of champagne in the sky.

BIG SURPRISE

AT&T is reportedly planning a significant round of layoffs (7,000), despite receiving a large tax break and various regulatory favors such as the repeal of net neutrality rules.

UPON OUR HEARTS

"Here was a Jewish rebbe, and the pupil asks the rebbe about a passage in the Old Testament, Deuteronomy 6, I believe, where it says…“Lay these words upon your heart.” The pupil asks the rebbe, who is more of a Hasidic master than a “clergyman,” why does it say “Lay these words upon your heart? Why doesn’t it tell us to put them in our hearts?”

The rebbe answers in a way that I think you may find very beautiful: “It says ‘upon our hearts,’ not ‘in our hearts,’ because as we are, our hearts are closed and the words cannot enter in. And there they stay upon our hearts-- until one day the heart breaks. And the words fall in.”

Interview with Jacob Needleman by Kristina Turner April 2012 - Needleman, Jacob
Articles on Gurdjieff and his System
GURDJIEFF-INTERNET.COM

HELLO 2019

The first hour at work of the year.

“Boss, David is on line one. Would you like to take the call?”

“Hang up on him.”
Now that’s the kind of answer I used to get from techs that didn’t want to talk to customers. It was their way of using the “No “ word. The power word. They would eventually pick up, but I had to talk them into it. I hated that. I’m glad those guy are gone.
But now I’m dealing with a boss that is doing the same thing.
‘Hang up on him” he said.
I thought a moment. “Sir, I don’t hang up on people.”
I could see him bite his lip. He took the call. But he came back a little later.
“You better lose that attitude” he said.
“Hey, I’m not the one telling people to hang up on people”
Against the current, we beat on.

SPEAKING OF THE DALLAS COWBOYS...

... it makes me think of what is going on with my trash bags. I use the bags with a built in scent. Lavender. When you put the new bag in, it fills the apartment with the scent of lavender. It is amazingly resilient too. After a few days, there is still the scent of lavender. The caveat is that underneath the lavender smell is the faint undertone of banana peels, onion skins and the wrapper the chicken breasts came in. Then its time to take out the trash.
I've been using those bags for years. but the last few months I've noticed that when I replace a bag, I still smell trash. I've scrubbed the trash cans a few times now, and I swear when I walk into my apartment the day after replacing a bag, all I can smell is spoiled trash. But the bag is brand new with no trash in it yet.
I've determined that after using these bags for so many years, I've come to associate the otherwise lovely lavender smell with a potpourri of stale pancakes and maple syrup, leftover heavily peppered scrambled eggs, funky bean burrito's, and bad pork chop bones.
So, even though the Cowboys won today and clinched the division, don't be fooled.
They still stink.

ON GIVING

"...An eight-year-old boy had a younger sister who was dying of leukemia, and he was told that without a blood transfusion she would die. His parents explained to him that his blood was probably compatible with hers, and if so, he could be the blood donor. They asked him if they could test his blood. He said sure. So they did and it was a good match. Then they asked if he would give his sister a pint of blood, that it could be her only chance of living. He said he would have to think about it overnight.
The next day he went to his parents and said he was willing to donate the blood. So they took him to the hospital where he was put on a gurney beside his six-year-old sister. Both of them were hooked up to IVs. A nurse withdrew a pint of blood from the boy, which was then put in the girl's IV. The boy lay on his gurney in silence while the blood dripped into his sister, until the doctor came over to see how he was doing. Then the boy opened his eyes and asked, "How soon until I start to die?"
- Anne Lamott
Bird by Bird

Gathered at Whiskey River

Letter from a Master Addict to Dangerous Drugs, 1956

“The junk merchant doesn’t sell his product to the consumer, he sells the consumer to his product. He does not improve and simplify his merchandise. He degrades and simplifies the client.”
William Burroughs

READY FOR A NEW YEAR

If dreams are your subconscious trying to save your sorry ass then:

Climbing the stands of a ballpark takes you,

barefoot,

                to a train station.

At the station there is a girl you tried to call 

           that didn’t want you to call her

You call out her name three times
Dont she says
        Dont call me.

On the menu there are

               hot dogs cold beer and ice cream

and a guy you’ve only met once

           with the loudest most marvelous voice
His name is Dan and he is from Jersey

   New Jersey  

You find its amazing how kind people can be

Then some guy steals a car.

He steals the car and the crowd catches him

pulls him out of the car

and just before they beat the devil out of him

               You ask

“Has anyone called the cops?”

               

The disillusionist calls you to the stage

Smashes your watch

Cuts your tie in half

Now he is sawing the box in two

Your feet at one end

And your head at the other.

He says
Say the magic words and I’ll stop

Say the magic words and I’ll stop

Say the magic words and I’ll stop

You try to say the words and cant

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out

Your eyes open and you hear yourself say

“Abracadabra” out loud.
He stops.

You laugh out loud and back to sleep.

Close one.

There are swarms of fish.

Under the boat.

Look! Look at them all!

You drop your bare hook into the water.

Gosh. What I wouldn’t give for a live minnow right now.

At Niagara Falls

She comes out of the mist

in a red raincoat

The mist of what must be ages

You tell her “I haven’t seen you in forever”
She says “That’s not true. I just saw you earlier, at the train station”  
           She’s right.

           You saw her ten microseconds ago.
            

She takes you by the arm

                Walking to the river.

Climbing in a barrel

                And over the falls we go.

Dreams.

They are your subconscious trying to save your sorry ass.

WHO'S YOUR HUCKLEBERRY?

Down in San Antonio two weeks ago I made a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant.

After I hung up I had to call them back because I had a question about their dress code. 
In a voice that became increasingly more hayseed:

“Silo Prime, can I help you?”
“Um, yes ma’am, I’m Steve Renfro and I just called and made reservations at your fancy restaurant a couple minutes ago”
“Yes sir Mr Renfro”
Aw Shucks, no need for all that mister stuff. Listen here, I’se looking at your menu online here, and I see that you have a dress code. Its says “Casual Elegant”. Now I know what casual is, but I’m concerned about the elegant part. I don’t really have any elegant with me. I got a real nice shirt. Its almost brand spankin’  new. Its my favorite shirt and looks purty good on me I don’t mind sayin’. Its got a collar, and come from the dry cleaners just yesterday so its pressed and everthing. Heavy starch, that’s what I like. Now my britches, I just got jeans, but they is my best jeans. They’s only a year old and pressed nice like the shirt. No holes or nuthin’, even down there at the bottom of the leg---what do they call that that, the cuff?—even that’s in purty good shape. They fit me nice in the rear, but I wish they was a little roomier in the front. And I do have a belt, but I usually wear my shirt tail out because I have reached a shape it jus’ don’t stay tucked too good. So what do you think, Ma’am?”
I heard her snicker a little bit. She said “We do not require a coat and a tie, and jeans, as you describe, are fine”.
“Ok, well, thank you I appreciate that. That’s what I was worried about. I do have a jacket, and I nearly brung it, but didn’t quite. Now about the shoes. I did bring some dress shoes cuz someone told me a long time ago sometimes it was important to wear nice shoes. But I’d really rather wear my sneakers. They’s pretty new too, and cost more than I shoulda paid. Will those be OK?  Because we plan to go walk the river after.”

My friend Linda. She is gorgeous and I have a huge crush on her. One of these days.

WHAT AM I LIKE AT REST?

I had to go to a chiropractor earlier this year. Stiff neck. He worked on me a couple times and suggested I get a massage before seeing him. To loosen me up a little.

So for a few sessions, his assistant would give me a massage for 30 minutes, concentrating on my neck and shoulders. Then I would go in to see him.
I guess about the third time, he laid me on the table after my massage, and started to make his adjustment.

“Relax” he said.

“Relax?” I thought. I’d just had a 30 minute massage and he is telling me to relax.
And that’s when I noticed it. I was wound up like an atomic alarm clock. I was so tense laying there I could hardly even breathe. I let out my breath and tried to relax.
“That’s better” he said.
So it makes me wonder what I am really like “at rest”.  I like to think of myself as happy, kind and patient. I like to think I’m smart. But where do I fall on a sliding scale on any of those things unless I consciously give it my best effort?

When I try really hard, and when I know patience, tolerance and calm will be required for a phone call to AT&T. I do pretty good. For a while. I was on the phone with them a few weeks ago. Its like they have their own language and symbols, and for 40 minutes I was keeping the volume down. If things start to escalate, things quickly fall apart.  But it reached a point I was practically screaming.

The poor girl. She said “Mr. Renfro, there is no need to yell at me”
I said “I’m not yelling AT you, I’m just yelling!
And we both laughed, and things were better.

WHY GET UP?

During the week and it comes 7:00 am and all I can think is “God I wish I could sleep another hour”.

And then the weekend, and 7:00 am comes, and all I can think is “God I wish I could sleep another hour”.

COMING SOON

‘An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.’ –Arthur Miller

MEDAL OF COURAGE

Chinese crayfish rips off own claw in effort to escape boiling pot, receives honorable Medal of Courage. His owner, Chef Jiuang Xi, has given him a place in his own home, and named him Dennis Rodman.

FIRST SNOW

FIRST SNOW

The snow
began here
this morning and all day
continued, its white
rhetoric everywhere
calling us back to why, how,
whence such beauty and what
the meaning; such
an oracular fever! flowing
past windows, an energy it seemed
would never ebb, never settle
less than lovely! and only now,
deep into night,
it has finally ended.
The silence
is immense,
and the heavens still hold
a million candles, nowhere
the familiar things:
stars, the moon,
the darkness we expect
and nightly turn from. Trees
glitter like castles
of ribbons, the broad fields
smolder with light, a passing
creekbed lies
heaped with shining hills;
and though the questions
that have assailed us all day
remain — not a single
answer has been found —
walking out now
into the silence and the light
under the trees,
and through the fields,
feels like one.


Mary Oliver

THAT RABBIT COAT

I was standing in the smoking area when suddenly this white rabbit coat appeared next to me. I'd seen her around, but hadnt met her. I took a deep draw of smoke, blew a single ring, slowly exhaled, watched the remaining fog catch the wind.
She pulled a cigarette out of her bag, twirled it twice and placed it between those red lips. I kept my gaze straight ahead. A long moment passed.
"Arent you going to light my cigarette?" she asked.
"Oh, but of course, pardon me"
My lighter worked.
I'm not sure if we were both just shy or if we were both just really cool, but we stood there wordless and smoked.
I reached the end of mine, and flipped it away. Thats the part of smoking I miss the most now, flipping the butt away.
I flipped it away and asked "So, are you going to be at Jack In The Box tonight?
"Probably not" she said, and smiled.
"Yeah, me either" I said, gave her my best grin, walked away, wondering what her name was.
Later that night I grabbed a six pack of Old Milwaukee and headed to the Box. It took two passes to find that rabbit coat.
It was hard to miss. A great start to a wonderful friendship.

MAYBE EVEN A MILE

The election results are in and we can’t wait to see what you have to say about it. We are looking for inspiration, and really dont care where it comes from.
We pulled up to the poling place yesterday and found that we had to run a gauntlet of Red State campaigners, including the Nimrod who was seeking re-election as a State Representative. He is not exactly someone I care for. He voted against providing breakfast for low income kids, a measure which PASSED because the state legislature is not all the way full on idiots like him.
He also voted YES to test folks for drug use prior to receiving unemployment benefits. This may sound great at first blush, but as a recovering addict, we see problems innumerable with this kind of legislation. If we had a dollar for every drug test we passed in our using days we could score an 8 Ball. What about hurt people that have lost their job and take pain meds?  And what about alcohol? Weak, ineffective legislation that could punish those that need some help the most.

Anyway, he and his posse of Hombres were the last people we wanted to see as we entered the polling place. We walked briskly, kept our eyes straight ahead. We thought we had made it when a woman from behind asked:
"Are you planning to vote today?"
Well, duh, but we just kept walking. We were ten feet past when we heard the Nimrod say "I hope you can count on my vote". We may have missed half a step as we fought the urge to turn around and tell him what we really thought.
I'm pretty sure the whole gaggle of them knew they could not count on my vote.

So I marched my ass in, and for the first time ever cast a ballot for a Mid-Term election.
And for the first time I cast a straight party ballot. I hope I never have to do that again.
Our guy lost.
Our guy lost but we are very pleased to see that our county voted for the Democratic candidate for senator, the first time they have done that in many years, and statewide gave Cruz a run for the money. 
Many people in our county are as filled with horror over the behavior of Trump as us. The true lesson may be that despising this president and his synchophant Cruz, although understandable, is insufficient. 

The campaigners were still out there when we got through. Again, we walked by them briskly, avoiding eye contact. No one said a word. We would have liked to have given Nimrod a piece of our mind, but we were not in the right mood for it. We would have told him to go fuck himself.

We felt relieved that the campaigners cant get within 100 feet of the polls.
They need to change that.
A half mile would be much better. 
Maybe even a mile.

NIGHT SHIFT

There is something about the deep night that releases a different you. Its more your own street, your own city, your own world, and you are both more and less in charge of it at 3 A.M. than in the daylight.

Bulletholes, 7/2011

Image~ Patrick Joust

JURY DUTY

A few years ago I got called up for jury duty. I got down there and they had this list of disqualifiers. There were about 3 things on the list to disqualify me. I had to stand before the judge and tell him about these 3 things from my checkered past. I was very disappointed. I had hoped to be able to serve.

The judge looked at me and said “But you are doing well now, yes?”
“Yes your honor”
“Well, get your butt over there. We need jurors that are doing well.”

SCARECROW

Once I said to a scarecrow, “You must be tired of standing in this

lonely field.”

And he said, “The joy of scaring is a deep and lasting one, and I

never tire of it.”

Said I, after a minute of thought, “It is true; for I too have

known that joy.”

Said he, “Only those who are stuffed with straw can know it.”

Then I left him, not knowing whether he had complimented or belittled me.

A year passed, during which the scarecrow turned philosopher.

And when I passed by him again I saw two crows building a nest

under his hat.

Khalil Gibran