MAN-TIME

I told ya’ll about my son the Rip last month. He has been living on a Sofa at his mothers house for the last 8 months or so. He has been doing well since deciding that he would go ahead and cave in to the “Corporate American Bullshit” as he called it, and get a job. He has had that same job for almost 6 months now and it’s a pretty good job for a punk-ass kid like him. He has a car and everything, and surprisingly, he has not wrecked it, or tore it up, or painted it some kind of Psychedelic color or anything.
He hasn’t gotten busted for dope or alcohol so you might think things are well with him.

Anyway, I told you last month he had gotten himself a girlfriend.
And his mother had called me, concerned about everything they were doing on her couch all night long, and how her husband wasn’t too happy with that arrangement, and how the Rip was gonna have to find another place to get his freak on. And I told you that I had made them a little place in my spare bedroom where they could come every now and then and play “House.”

Well, it only lasted about two weeks. They stopped coming over.
So I asked the Rip what happened to Maddie, that cute little girlfriend of his.
He says “Oh, that’s done”
“Done?’ I ask ‘Whats that mean, “done””
“Done” is his one word answer.
So I say:
“Don’t just say “done” boy, like you are ordering up a steak, or finishing up a deadline. Say “Oh, that didn’t work out” , or “we split up” or “she broke my heart”. Give it the respect it deserves”
Of course he doesn’t get it.

So I talk to his mom the next week. She says she asked him what happened.
He told her that “She was too much like you, Mom”
‘Whats that mean?” she asks.
“Oh, she wanted to know everything all the time like where I was and who I was with and what I’m doing tomorrow. I couldn’t take it anymore. I need my man time”
I just cracked up.
I said “yeah, he will find out that "man time" is way over-rated”

So his mom goes on to tell me about all the text messages he gets from girls. Some are pretty bawdy. So I tell her
“You know that kid is hung like nobodies business”
She smiles and says “He won’t let me see”
I say “He won’t let me either, but I saw him a while back getting out of the shower. Good God-A-Mighty!
Theres a pause and she says slyly
“He gets it from you, you know”
I shake my head
“No, you haven’t seen this kid. Its unbelievable!”
and we both crack up.

Very strange to be able to have a conversation like this with an Ex-Wife!