Monday, August 27, 2007

FISHING REPORT #2

FROG JUICE

I went to Church Camp last week with my old friend Kem. We have been friends for 4 decades, but we are not as good of friends as we used to be....I stopped smokin' pot and he found Jesus Christ...
It bothers Kem a lot when I cuss...especially if I manage to drag his heavenly Father into the mix which I quite often do. I do try to watch my language around Kem. The main reason he wants me to go to Church Camp is so that I might find Jesus too..even while he smokes his joint...but the other reason he wants me there is so that I can help the youngsters catch some fish. I enjoy that immensely and that is why I go
This year I hoped my 16 year old son, Rip, might be of some help getting 12 6-8 year olds baited up and their poles in the water on the side of the bank and keeping their lines from becoming impossibly entangled, but Rip was more interested this year in collecting tiny frogs on the bank and putting them in a Gatorade bottle.
They were a smarmy slimy mess in there and in the 100 degree heat I kept begging him to get rid of that bottle and give me a hand with all these kids.
It took about 30 minutes to get everyone baited and in the water.
One of the young-uns, Joshua "fit the Battle" I called him, looked up to me and says:
"Thanks Mr. Steve, You sure look hot"
'Thirsty too" I replied.
I was sweating like a Pig and I reached for my drink. My eyes were stinging as the sweat rolled into them and I pressed my lips to my once cool bottle of Gatorade.
I tilted my head back....
...As the first frog passed my tongue I knew there was something wrong. I froze in mid-gulp. There had been no Frogs in my Gatorade before and as the next Frog entered my mouth...
....I knew what was happening....I had accidently grabbed the Gatorade bottle Rip had been doing his little Biological Swamp Torture Experiment in... and now I had a mouthful of frogs in frog juice.
In front of God and Kem and 12 little Church camp Kids I spat the vile liquid out of my mouth and let loose with a
"GODDAMMIT"
that echoed up and down the Lake.
All heads turn to me, and up till now I have been the figure of charity and compassion and a mentor to some of the nicest little boys and girls you would ever want to meet and generally a good influence.
But I see Kem out of the corner of my eye and hear him whisper very loudly
"Steve, please, watch your mouth"
Well, that did it for me and I turned to him and said quite loudly
"KEM, WOULD YOU GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK, JUST ONE TIME?"
And all 12 of those kids just cracked up!!!

I owe Rip one... I do.... and I'm gonna get him good!

12 comments:

GEWELS said...

I'm surprised that the 6-8 year olds didn't follow in Rip's footsteps and play with the biology experiment that was going on.
I'm sure you owe Rip for alot more than this- especially as seeing how he's following in his Father's "horn dog" footsteps. LOL!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Frogs are better fried, and just the legs. Back legs... bye the way.

Funny!

Mother of Invention said...

That's a hoot! But yucky too. Got a mess of bass over at my place for ya! All caught on frogs too! One was 4 lbs!

Akelamalu said...

LOL I just knew you'd pick up the wrong bottle!

The kids probably wouldn't have noticed you saying GODDAMIT but the F word is always grabs the kids!

Old Lady said...

So, now you REALLY have frogs in yer britches!!!

Barbara said...

There is more than one kind of education you get at church camp. But just wait till they tell their parents about the visiting fishing instructor that taught them some new vocabulary! Words for life...

GrizzBabe said...

ROTFLMAO! This story is proof that God has one hell of a sense of humor. Steve, you are just the kind of unpretentious, tell-it-like-it-is sort of bloke that I would be proud to bring to my church!

steve said...

Gewels-all experiments were immediatly discontinued!
Dave-I won't be feelin' froggy for a while
MOM- yoiu did not catch them on frogs..didja?
Malu- We had a blast...and I'm sure they are thrilled to have a frog juice tale now.
Ol Lady- Mental picture time...
Barb- Why am I always the star?
Grizz-Do Jesus! I could be a Deacon!

soubriquet said...

Ribbit! Ribbit! Groak!

ren.kat said...

Frogs? Brave. You did get into the fraternity though, right?

steve said...

Reek-Riigget!

Ren.kat! I have not been asked to pledge anywhere, nor has anyone indicated until now that I might be Frog Fraternity material.

Sheila said...

Nice way to start the day with a laugh. Too funny!