Monday, December 28, 2009

TIME WARP

So I went to my friend Angela’s for Mexican food on Christmas right?
That gal can cook, I tell you what, and she sent me home with these killer Chili Relleno’s, some refried Black Beans and some Chicken enchiladas. Saturday afternoon I started playing around on the computer. After a while I got hungry and warmed up about 10 of those Rellenos and ate them all. Then it was time for a nap.
I fell asleep.
I slept hard.
I dreamed I was on a boat in Los Angeles, Ann Margaret sitting in my lap.
Then I was on a ski lift in the Sierra’s, about to hit the slopes with Britt Eklund.
I was exploring the ruins at Mesa Verde’, looking good in my Indiana Jones attire, digging in the dirt with Kim Basinger.
I dreamed Susan Sarandon invited me up to do the Time Warp at her place on New Years Eve.
That was the best one.
I slept real hard, I dreamed long dreams. I woke, fell back into my slumber, woke again and got a blanket and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

I woke up. The clock said 7:00.
My god, I slept all night! I was starving! I had pillow face!
I turned on the computer, there were several people on Facebook. I sent out a message that read
“(yawn) I’m hungry”
I got a reply back from Carol
“Hi Steve! Merry Christmas. How are you?”
“I’m sleepy Carol, and I am hungry. I have been asleep since yesterday afternoon!”
“Are you sick” she asks.
“No, I just ate a bunch of Rellenos and they knocked me out”
So Carol replies with
“I get up every morning at 6:00 and drink Brazillian Coffee”

Now what this statement does is cement in my mind the notion that it is 7:00 on Sunday Morning.
And while I am a bit surprised that there are actually half a dozen people on Facebook this early in the morning, I don’t give it much consideration because I have got this cold hollow feeling in my gut, and my mission has turned to one of procuring some FOOD!
I’m thinking Donuts, Ham and Egg Croissants, Pancakes!
And now its almost 8:00, and I promised the crazy church lady I would be at Sunday School this morning.
So I hop into the shower and get dressed.
I’m really hungry. After all , I haven’t eaten since I had those Relleno’s yesterday afternoon at 4:00.
I’M FRIGGIN’ STARVING TO DEATH JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
I go into the kitchen to take my medicine. Oh my gosh! I didn’t take my meds last night, so I double up on my dosage this morning.
I think I even have time to go to IHOP and have a “Fat Boy Breakfast”. That will be so good, and then I’ll stop for donuts to take to Sunday School, and pick up more for my 10:00 NA Meeting.
I turn out lights, and get to the TV which has been on all night.
Huh...what is “Americas most Wanted” doing on at 8:00 on a Sunday morning?
“They must replay it” I think to myself as I turn the TV off.
I go to the door, step outside and turn to lock the door…
Theres something funny going on here, I sense it, and I turn to look at the sky…
My God in heaven! Its black as night out here! And then it dawns on me…I did not sleep all night. I slept maybe two hours.
Its 8:15 Saturday night and I’m all dressed up with no place to go and I forgot to get Susan Sarandon’s phone number.
I’m caught in that region known as the Twilight Zone.


"PLEASE DON'T GO STEVE, I WANT TO TIME WARP AGAIN"
(whenever you say, Susan, whenever you say)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Steve, your story made my day. It also made me hungry. I like your "old school" choices of sex partners, by the way. Talk about a time warp! Britt Eklund! You're the King, pal. The Fooking King.

UF Mike

bulletholes said...

Hey Mike! Man its good to have you back. Can you tell I have been spending too many hours checking out Peteski's porn?

SkippyMom said...

I cannot tell you how many times I have taken an afternoon nap, woken up at 6:30 and went looking for the kids and my husband to get them "moving" for work and school.

They always laugh. Lil heathens.

But I think it is because I slept so, so hard and dreamed. I think I got that whole night's sleep. :)

My clock needs an AM/PM setting LOL [so does yours!]

Barbara said...

Sounds a little trippy to me! Bet those enchiladas and chili rellenos were good.

Dave Mows Grass said...

Yeah, when I worked that 12-hour night shift, I used to have those, "Oh, shit! I'm late for work!" panics. It was particularly a problem in wintertime when it was dark when I drove to work in the evening and dark when I drove home in the morning. I once got half way to work before I noticed the traffic had more of a "going to work" feel rather than a "going home from work" feel. I can't describe the difference but there is one. Not wanting to be even more late in case the growing feeling in my gut was wrong, I continued driving for several more miles before deciding for sure that it really was morning and that I really could sleep for ten-or-so hours. It was freaky!

Hey, Steve!

Anonymous said...

Stuff like that happens to my wife all the time. It has never happened to me, not once, not even during my drinking years, when if it was dark out I was in a blackout. Anyway, I'd love to say more, but I'm off to check out Peteski's porn!

UF Mike