Monday, November 29, 2010


I had a date Friday night.
We went to Red Lobster.
Over the Crab Claws I said "Do ya maybe wanna go to a movie after?"and she said "Sure" and as the waitress brought the check I realized that I should have said "Do ya maybe wanna GO DUTCH to a movie" but it was too late at this point to revise my invitation.
So I made sure that she saw the enormous tip I was leaving and the $60 check for dinner, in hopes that maybe when we got to the theater that she might say something like 'Hey, since you got dinner, I'll get my own ticket for the show" but she didn't even blink and now I'm in for another $20 and my only hope is that maybe she will spring for the popcorn, if for no other reason than the fact that I am about to sit down and watch a movie starring Christina Aguilera and Cher, and some guy named Stanley Tucci who I have no idea who he is but my date is more excited about seeing him than Christina or Cher so I know it can't be good. Besides, what kinda of man gets involved in a movie with Cher and Christina? I already know the answer to that and I still have no idea who this guy is.
So we are walking through the lobby and the smell of the popcorn is hitting me and I'm thinking "Maybe she will buy some popcorn and a soda" but she is completely oblivious. So we go in and sit down and its like 15 minutes till the show starts and I can smell the butter I can smell the corn and I'm getting thirsty like cattle at a salt lick and she's going on and on about Stanley Tucci and how great he was in "The Devil Wears Prada" and that's all the evidence I need; now I know everything I need to know about Stanley. Now its like a minute before the show starts and the popcorn smell is driving me mad and I look at her and say:
"Hey what do you think about some popcorn?" and she settles a little further back into her seat and says "Yeah, that'd be nice" and so up I jump and go get popcorn. This chick is really somethin'.
I'm getting shellacked.
The movie wasn't that great unless you really like Christina Aguilera, but she was right about one thing.
That Stanley Tucci, he's amazing.

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