Tuesday, February 24, 2015


I went to Scarborough Renaaisance Festival. It was 100 degrees out.
We had to park about 2 miles away in a cow pasture and there wassn't so much as a barb-wire fence for shade.
They had a parade that was lame, and a 7 pound Turkey leg that came with no napkin. There was a peasant woman that could'nt have been more than 40 inches tall yet weighed at least 14 stone. She looked as though she might be in the beginning stages of Acromegaly, which seemed kind of funny to me in a medieval kind of way, so I laughed. She stopped in mid-sentence as she addressed the crowd to turn and face me full on, her face swollen, full of anger and resentment as she pointed to the ground at her feet and said "What are you grinning at funny boy? You need to come closer if you want a picture!"
I hid behind Susan.

There was a goo-goo eyed lady that made funny faces as she walked along in the lame parade as though she may have had a bustle in her hedgerow.
There was the really Rabelaisian hag-woman that came through the food court, her skirt pulled up to expose fat thighs and dirty bloomers and a Bustier so high and tight you could't tell where her breasts stopped and her chin started. I do not know how she could see.
And two guys in Highlander Robes and swords and walking staffs that would enter the Food court and gaze upon it like they had just discovered America, hands over their brow as though searching a great distance over unknown terrain.
Their third time through I determined they must be looking for the goo-goo eyed lady.

"If there's a busle in your hedgerow
Dont be alarmed now"

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