Monday, December 31, 2007

AULD LANG SYNE

Back in 1998 I was lucky enough to live in a very bad part of town where Crack and Crack Whores ran rampant.
I never partook of either, but at some point we all became "neighbors"
As I would pull down the gravel alley at 5:30 in the morning on my way to work, there were two girls on the corner that always asked me if I wanted a "date"....cracked me up....and being a bit of a rube, it took me a while to figure out what was going on there.
But before long, as I would pull in at the end of the day, they would all wave at me and I would holler out the window
"Yabba-Dabba-Doo" or
"Honey, I'm home"
or somesuch.
Some times I would go to the corner and talk with them late at night, staying out of sight so as to not drive off any prospects. There were probably 4-6 girls that worked that area at any given time.
One night a guy I knew from High School pulled up.
But thats not what this story is about.

This story is about the very pretty little girl that would work the streets on occasion. She had beautiful soft looking well groomed hair that she would toss about in a very sexy way. She seemed different from the other girls…

One morning in my driveway I was checking my oil. This pretty little girl was passing by and so I said “good morning”.
She stopped and tossed her hair back and shielded her eyes from the sun and says
‘Whatcha’ doin”?
I looked at her as I slid the rag down my dipstick.
“Jus’ checkin’ my oil “I says, and added with a grin “Would you like me to check yours?”
She did’nt miss a beat and fired right back
“Would you like to check my oil?” Smiling, as she tossed that hair around again.

Well, I must have turned about 5 shades of red, because , yes I would have liked to check her oil, but really did not have the guts to go about it. Of course, she already knew all this, but decided to let me off the hook by saying
“You don’t “date” do you?”
“No ma’am I don’t…I’m probably better off all by myself”
“OK” she says, flips her hair back and starts away.

She got a few steps away and I wanted to make sure I had not hurt her feelins’ so I say
‘You are awful pretty though.”

She stopped and turned around and just laughed and said
"And you are awful sweet, and are probably better off all by yourself” as she waved bye.

A few nights later on New Years Eve, my friends Mr. and Mrs. X saw her and they pulled over to the right in their Convertible Ragtopped Corvette. They wanted to know how much she would charge to take on both of them. Just a little curious...
Before you could say “Tit-Bit and Gimme a Dollar” they were surrounded by the Vice squad.
That pretty young whore was a Cop.



HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YA'LL BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

12 comments:

Barbara said...

Whoa! You obviously knew she was different, but not quite like that! So what happened to your brother-in-law and his wife?

steve said...

They had to go Downtown!

kissyface said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S ST-EVE!!

I owe you many emails and thanks for your good tidings and whatnot. Hope your X-mas was merry!!

Thinking about you a lot as I've been reading a Robert Bly book, Iron John. I'll say more in an email, but I think you would really enjoy it.

Best wishes for a fruitful and abundant New Year!!

Old Lady said...

Whoa!

Mother of Invention said...

That's a hoot!
My husband got asked, "Were you looking for something tonight?" right at the end of our driveway at 1:30 a.m. while shoveling in the middle of a snowstorm! he told her, yeah, to get my driveway done! He should have handed her a shovel!
Turns out this nearby "aromatherapy" place just yards away got shut down for "not smellin' so good" if ya know what I mean....but obviously they still have an apt nearby!! Yikes! Our little town has lost its innocence!

Happy New Year, Steve!

GEWELS said...

HAHAHAHA! Great story.

Happy New Year Steve.

You make it a great year!!!
Love you!
Gewels

Dave Mows Grass said...

Whore... cop... same thing if you ask me! Great story, but petite or not, how did they plan to fit the whore-slash-cop into the Corvette? Did they have a rumbleseat in the trunk?

Happy New Year, eh!

steve said...

KF- Isn't Bly one of those sensitive new age guys?

ollady- Whoa nellie is right!

Mom-Aromatherapy is a dead giveaway!

gewels- ritebackatcha!

Dave, thats a good question...according to my brother in law they wetre just looking for a price (and a laugh...that'll teach ya...
"dont talk to strangers!"

Anonymous said...

Sittin' downtown by the railway station ...... one toke over the line.
People can't even be nice for money!
Quack, Quack!

Citizen H said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GrizzBabe said...

LOL! You do tell a good story, Steve.

And that's a high price to pay for a laugh but it makes an excellent story to tell at cocktail parties.

steve said...

The Citizen has pointed out that I have been a little too accurate in the detail of this story so I have removed the reference to living individuals and substituted M&Ms X...thanks Citizen!