Thursday, December 13, 2007


I'm trying to get into the Christmas Spirit at least enough to where I will find participating in the insanity bearable.
It frightens me to know that with a little effort, I could find myself all aglow with a fever of Christmas Spirit.
The first order of business is to do a little housecleaning. The RIP has a sweet little girlfriend named Mattie that helped us with that last night.
After all, we are not going to trim the tree with dirty undewear and Chicken Bones like we did two years ago.
My place really misses a womans touch.
Now clean, we can get a tree and maybe find something appropriate to decorate it with.
Then we will go Shopping.
Now I am not much of a shopper throughout the year, but when it comes to Christmas, my shopping gene fires up and there is nothing that will put that Yuletide Spirit in me like buyuing gifts for other people.
Like most men, I tend to give some lousy, though quite practical, gifts and have gotten quite good at it.
In the Sixth Grade I gave mom a 24 Drawer Shop Organizer for her sewing stuff.
In the Seventh Grade I gave my sister a Football.
In the Eighth Grade I gave my Dad a bag of golfing Tees.
In the Ninth Grade I gave my girlfriend a Black Light.

In the 10th, 11th and 12th grades I smoked a lot of pot and did a lot of Peyote;
To try to make up for the Football, I gave my sister a Teddy Bear with a really soppy hallucinogenic note about his whole life and how glad he was to be HER Bear now, written while listening to Lucy in the Sky with Daimands.
I think my sister still has that piece of work, and I wish I had some more of whatever it was I was having that day.

When I was 19 I gave my girlfriend a pen.
When I was 22 I gave my new girlfriend a set of Weights. That’s what she wanted.
Really it is; she was a Peach.
My next girlfreind I gave a Fishing Pole.
Then I got married.
Our first Christmas my wife made quite a haul. First she got a bicycle, then a stove (we didn't have one and had been Crockpotting for 8 months) then on Christmas morning she woke up to find a Brand Spanking New Ironing Board with one of those Ironing Board covers.
Oh my!
But there was also an Opal Necklace to go with it and that bought me 12 more Christmases.
A few years later, she got a small box that was very heavy. She was very excited about it. When she opened it all she found was 24 Forks. They were not made of Gold and she was really mad at me. I now understand that the box looked and felt as thoughm there just might be an Ingot in there.
The best gift I ever gave anyone was the Cuckoo Clock I gave my cousin and her Husband.
From what I understand, their Divorce got really ugly over that Clock.

My brother, Davy's Dad, gave the best gifts.
Over the years he gave me a Pogo Stick and an Orgami set, and a thing that made huge Bubbles and a Do-It-Yourself globe.
I think the only thing I ever gave him was a Magazine subscription.
Anyway, I love to buy things for other people and wish I was better at it.
So, what do you want for Christmas this year?


GEWELS said...

I actually asked for a new food processor ( a big one with a 14 cup bowl)...but then I took it back. Or, maybe a food processor with a tiffany's box in the bowl- that I'll take.
I totally believe in giving non-practical gifts. I think little frivolous treasures that one would never buy themselves are the most fun. (I know, many of you will not agree). I like surprises- but I really, really hope there's a horse under the tree this year...well, maybe in the backyard anyway.

steve said...

Gewels I hope you get that Horse!
and I agree...its the frivilous gifts that are really the best.

Barbara said...

I want a 24-drawer shop organizer. What a great gift idea!

My father was never forgiven for giving my mother a fertilizer spreader one Christmas. She put me in charge of her gifts from that point on; I was 10.

Man, I would die for a Tiffany's box, all tied up so nicely. It will not happen in my lifetime...

GrizzBabe said...

An ironing board?

I'd like about $300 so I can buy other people things that they really need.

Anonymous said...

a letter from my lawyer saying

Dear 'Legal Name'(aka Red),

Congratulations -- YOU'RE FREE ... please endorse enclosed checks for your spending pleasure ...

oh and i am waiving my legal fees,

Merry Christmas,
(who could be a nice guy if he wanted..)


Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks Steve, but I think the drumstick bag I wanted is already under the tree, unless you want to buy me a world peace or something. I'd take that!

I gave the wife a vaccum cleaner once because I knew I'd get skinned if I didn't. I guess she was tired of having to tape the bag cover on the otherwise perfectly good vacuum that we already had. I new roll of duct tape would have cost less money. Oh, and I also made damn sure I had something else for her under the tree... something that came in a much smaller box!

Old Lady said...

Another Christmas.

Mother of Invention said...

Inukshuk show me the way!!!
Another year that's great
For 2008!