Thursday, June 23, 2011

THE PACKING NAZI


She had a roll of strapping tape she wore like a bracelet on her left wrist. She was there to help my sister Lisa pack for the move from San Diego to Fort Worth.

You know, its always tense when there is a move coming and packing to be done and some people just aren't built for it. Probably one of the most desirable traits for someone helping you move would be the ability to acquiesce to your wishes concerning your belongings, and to be able to say "OK, Lisa, we won't box up your Goldfish until the last minute even though they really don't need much food or air.".

The Packing Nazi severely lacked in this department. Apparently she had moved herself a considerable number of times, which made sense that maybe she never felt welcome anywhere for any length of time. Inside of a year she had been run out of Baltimore, spent a friendless month in Oregon, and decided that Pleasanton Iowa just wasn't her cup of tea. The people, she said, were too plain.
Along the way she had become a pro-mover and what she lacked in tact she made up for with Gestapo enthusiasm.

For reasons indiscernible to us plain folk, she boxed up the end tables.
She boxed the sugar bowl with the television remote; the computer power cord went with every pair of underwear my sister owned save the ones she was wearing.
We are still looking for toothbrush and make up.

After the battery went down on the computer we lost all the travel information that we would be getting from the computer for a 1300 mile 3 day journey. Its amazing how we rely on these nowadays.

The amazing thing is the way The Packing Nazi just took over. It was a packing Blitzkreig. Lisa pleaded with her not to box little Bella's dog food, the few special breakable items she would personally carry to Fort Worth, and the suitcase Lisa planned to travel with to Fort Worth.

But the Packing Nazi just said:
"Don't you worry. I'll have everything you own packed proper by the end of the day. You look fine without make-up. Your dog is too fat. You can buy new silk roses, you can get a new goldfish.  This stuff is insured right? Who needs panties anyway? I go commando most of the time, its healthier. You just relax and sit back and after I have you packed I'm going to invade Poland!"

3 comments:

SL said...

So has anyone seen the fish yet?! Great story Steve!

bulletholes said...

The fish is kaputz.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious.