Tuesday, July 17, 2007

HIGH MAINTENANCE




"PONTIUS MELARCKY"




Did you ever just run out of time? Get in such a hurry that you start making some pretty hasty decisions?
Well my best friend Larry, all the way from High School did while I was helping him move one day.
Years before he had seen me do the same thing....



It was 1975 and I was throwin' a Keg Party out at the lake.... I started at 9:00 in the morning with a hit of Strawberry Mescaline, a moderate Hallucinogen. I had a lot to do...there were the keg's that had to be picked up and taken to the Lake...there was Marijuana to be procured, then I had several friends that I had to pick up, including Larry and my girlfriend Suzie, and others before we met the 100 or so other people at the local Foosers Hut.
From there, a Caravan of 30 or 40 cars thru town to the backroads that led to Devils Backbone at the Lake. Me and my 1955 Star Chief named "Pontius Melarky"
It was a great spot and I was one of the few that knew how to get there.
I had had to pee since about noon, and I was trippin' pretty good when I picked up Larry...we were on our way to Suzies and I did a quick calculation in my head...there was no time to stop to pee.
I told Larry I had to Pee.
He says "Why doncha pull on over?"
I says "Got no time Larry"
I told him I had no choice...I was gonna to "piss myself".
Larry laughed, I looked at him crosseyed and let it rip, right there in the front seat, with both hands on the wheel, drivin down the road...
"Ahhh, thats better"
Larry says "NO you didnt"
"Yep, I did"
Larry has this very handsome way of lifting one eyebrow which he did to great effect as he glanced to my darkened crotch confirming that I had indeed "Pissed Myself"
When we got to Suzies house, I went to the door and when she came out I explained I needed to borrow a pair of her pants.
She just laughed and said I was really getting to be high maintenance.
That waas some really good Mescaline.

But this story is supposed to be about Larry and the day I helped him move 20 years later....
He and his wife Deb had bought a house. They were moving all their possesions and three Kids from a rent house. He had spent a good month getiing ready for this move, because Larry is one of these over-organizers....you know...boxes labeled and color coded and arranged in some kind of Algebraic scheme so as to fit into the truck in the most logical and least space consuming fashion possible...
He had hired a moving company to move the big stuff which he had plenty of....Bureaus and Hutches and China Cabinets of English Oak and German Steel- this stuff was heavy.

But Larry is not only an Over-Organizer, he is a Penny-Pincher too. The Big Moving Truck and Commercial Movers would only be Moving the Big stuff- he had negotiated them down to a couple hundred dollars for 2 loads.
The other 1000 or so boxes was to fall to me and my trusty 1984 Toyota Van (sorry, no photo) with 300, 000 miles on it....we called it my Gypsy Wagon because it had been about everywhere and done everything.
Of course, I wasn't getting paid because, well, I've never liked a man as much as I liked ol' Larry.
At the new house, Deb and the kids were waiting for the Owner to show up to get the last of the papers signed. She had the key, so when the movers and I arrved we were able to put the boxes and furniture into the House.
At about Noon the movers had the last truckload in the driveway.
I had about three more loads of boxes to move.
At Larrys almost empty rent house, the new tenants were pulling their truck into the driveway.
It looked like we were almost finished moving.

The owner of the house Larry was buying the house from finally arrived at 12:30- he had been due at 8:00 that morning.
He had some kinda bad news.
There was to be no sale.
We were far, really far, from finished moving for the day.

to be continued

11 comments:

Barbara said...

I'm curious to see where this is going. You guys have the definite advantage of being able to shoot out the window (pee that is). Did that ever occur to you?

GrizzBabe said...

Okay, that pee story is kinda gross. Almost put me off the chocolate covered peanuts I was eating. Almost.

Mother of Invention said...

Don't think I could have stood peeing my pants!

I'm high maintenance too, only my drug is insulin! I knew a guy in my school was hard up for drugs so tried insulin....what a let-down to only feel excessively hungry! Think he ate about 6 donuts in a row!

alphawoman said...

You write like you are still on Strawberry Mescaline! Ha. We did a lot of that stuff too in the mid 70's. It a wonder you can remember the details.

steve said...

Barbara- I was a little more than "Task saturated" and wasn't thinking very clearly.

Griz- you are such a wimp...but I'm sure you are right. I'll have to tell you the story about the time I sneezed someday...

MOM- It was very warm.
I'm going toenter the story about Larrys move in a contest on the "worst moving experience of my life"...I think I'll leave the San Mescalito/pee in your pants part out.

Alphawoman- is it that obvious?

Dave Mows Grass said...

Okay, good character development here... Let's move!

red dirt girl said...

ssssstttttteeeeeeevvvvvvveeeeee ...........

could you not have left this one to my imagination of you ??????

actually it reminds me of a car trip we took about oh 9 years or so ago ..... flew into Albuquerque, New Mexico with 3 kids; rented a van to drive up to Durango, CO for some christmas skiing ..... on the way, my son (big red dirt boy) had to pee really, really, really bad ..... my uh hm spouse refused to pull over - it had started snowing and we were in the middle of nowhere...... son began that rocking, keening wail with clenched knees. I'm screaming at spouse to stop the car; my son is screaming because he has to pee ..... the girls are making fun of him .... so spouse hands him a gatorade bottle and tells son to pee in that ..... "used to do it all the time as a kid with my brothers" spouse claims .....

ewwwwwwww!!! that bottle disturbed me the rest of the trip (no stops allowed .....) - almost as much as the realization that i had actually managed to "marry my step-dad" even though i chose a spanish speaking central american for a husband ....

geesh! some girls never learn, do we ?

steve said...

Dave- It gets pretty complicated from here....
RDG- A gatorade bottle? Me and my boy need a coffee can... thats what my Father did for me...
Have I got a gatorade story for you!

Mother of Invention said...

You've got a story for everything!

*****RDG: Glad you and your kids are FREE TO PEE now! That in itself is worth the fight!!*****

red dirt girl said...

MoI

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!! YOU HAVE GOT THAT ONE DOWN - RIGHTEOUS !!!!!!!

yeeeeeee -hawwwwwwww !!!!!

steve said...

RDG- you helped me witrh that
yeee-haw....