Friday, July 27, 2007


"In angling, as in all other recreations into which excitement enters, we have to be on our guard, so that we can at any moment throw a weight of self-control into the scale against misfortune; and happily we can study to some purpose, both to increase our pleasure in success and to lessen our distress caused by what goes ill. It is not only in cases of great disasters, however, that the angler needs self-control. He is perpetually called upon to use it to withstand small exasperation's."


Cap'n Hook is the Great Great-Grandson of"Fighting Joe Hooker, a bombacious and hard drinking Union General from the Civil War.
He and I became good fishing partners. He was my Supervising Sous-Chef at the Crystal Crotchless when I first started working for the Hymen-Regency.
For the first few trips we would go to a Dam below lake Granbury where we hoped to catch Stripers in the 'tailrace" below the Dam.
We would be using Fly rods- and the Fly rod is seldom seen here in Texas.

We did not catch any Stripers, but we did have a most unusual catch for a Flyrod in Texas...
Our first time out below the Dam Hook caught an 18 pound Opelousa Catfish!
We thought it was a bit of a fluke until the next weekend, when we both caught Opelousa's...his was 12lbs. and Mine was 14 lbs.

Then I bought a boat and Motor. I had been saving coins for about a year and a half. I took them to the Bank and the total came to....


I bought a 15 horsepower motor with that money, brand spankin' new.

Hook located the was a 1956 Lone Star V-Hull. When it was new it had a Canopy, windshield, two seats at the Wheel and two more seats facing aft (to the rear) and a 60 HP Motor. Back in 1956 you could not ask for a better Ski Boat.

But this was 1982 and the boat had caught fire and all the seats and Canopy and Windshield and steering Mechanisms were gone....the Aluminum was melted in spots and most of the paint inside and out was burned of as well. It looked like a big ol' beer can weathered and crumpled on a Trailer.

I bought it for $75.
With a little ingenuity that I really dont have much of, I managed to turn it into a good fishin' boat.
It looked like a real contraption, but it was one tough floatation device.


One day at an area lake, Hook and I found a little moss bed full ogf fish. We very seldom caught many fish, but for about 20 minutes we were knockin' the fire out of them.

But our fortune was not to last...a big ol' fancy-assed Ski boat came plowin' right through our serendipitous little honey hole.
We kept fishing even as the giant wake thrown up nearly tossed us over.
Then the Bastard did it again, this time even close the spray almost bathed us.
Several times over the Son-of-a Bitch came through, until our spot was now floated with Seafoam.
All this racket is not good for the fishing.
Its not good for anything.
We gave several dirty looks to the Skipper and even tried to wave him off some, but it became apparent it we were being blatantly disrespected.

It made my Maritime Blood boil.
So... I cranked up the motor and we went else where.
An hour or so later, we decided to call it a day...

As we were heading in to the ramp, I spy the enemy vessel. It seems to be adrift, and perhaps the occupants are swimming or taking a nap or whatever. i brought my bow to bear upon the wicked craft, now only a few hundred yards away.

Hook looks to me and says
"What are you doing?"

'We are going to pay them a little visit"

I approach the boat and there are still no occupants visible.
At full throttle I circle round twice..still no one...
so I said to Hook:

"This ought to wake 'em up"

and brought my bow right in line with their beam...full steam ahead...and announce our arrival:


And we slammed into the Ski Boat taking her broadsides.
Still no one appeared, and as I surveyed the damage, I could hardly believe what my $75 piece of crap had done to this guys boat.
It was starting to sink.
I had found its sweet spot.We got the hell out of there.

I don't know if it sank all the way or not...or where the occupants were when I rammed her...but we never did go back to that Lake.


Dave Mows Grass said...

I think I'd have just fired a round over the bow, but I understand.

Anonymous said...

You.did.not.just.sink.that.boat. OMG!!!

Annelisa said...


Now we know who did it! My pal's pa has been talking about it for years - wondering how to get revenge on the dastardly fellow who did that to his ship. You know, they were motoring past you so many times cos they were looking for the kid they lost in the water earlier in the day? They'd just spotted the little tyke, and dived overboard to recover him, glad they had a fast boat to take them back to the emergency services, when to their utter dismay, out of the blue this old-style boat they'd passed earlier with jolly fishermen waving at them as they passed, pulled out of nowhere and (obviously losing control of their decrepit vessel) rammed right into the side of their boat. And (also obviously) the poor blighters couldn't get control of their boat and headed off at top speed... My pa's friend always wondered if the pair got rescued....

Luckily the boy who went overboard survived, and went on to be an olympic swimmer. Pa's friend got a fortune off that sunken wreck, when he sold the rights of it to an idiot gold-hunter as part of an ancient royal fleet.

So, all's well ends well...

Good to see you again my old friend. I tried to listen to Moby Dick in the car (due to a lot of time spent in latter), but will have to listen again, because I think I missed many salient points. However, I did pick up on the sumptuous language, and could dip into it just for that!

See you again soon!


Barbara said...

Please remind me to never piss you off! Especially if I am in a boat. I don't swim well...

GEWELS said...

Funny to read this story after just getting back from a day of sailing. Glad we didn't encounter any dastardly dudes such as you.

Hell, what have you got to lose the boat WAS only 75.00

Citizen H said...

One hell of a yarn! It approximates my feelings towards jet-skiers from a kayak's perspective. Fuckers don't get close enough for me to clothesline them with a paddle.

Akelamalu said...

You've not just come back from El Gouna in Egypt have you, 'cos someone tried to sink the little boat I was in?

steve said...

Dave- Thats why we mounted the Gatling Gun later that week on the Quarterdeck.

Anon-is this my Munchkin friend a
AKA "LOLLIPOP"? I !actually !sank !mine !one !day !!!forgot !to !put !the !plug !in!FUBAR...

When I saw the comment from "Anonymous" yesterday I thought to myself
"What could be better than to have drawn out Ol Anonymous, so compelling was the post that even the quietest viewer has to have their say"...

And then I find Annelisa!
What was it I said when I was on My "Land of Oz" Trip?
"Its a dreary day in Oz when Annelisa's not around"
I believe the water will be sweeter and the coffee more Aromatic this next week!
And she knows the 'Lubbers I'm talking about!
Moby Dick on tape...its such a hard read, I imagine its tough to listen to as well.

But what makes this like hitting the Exacta is the Citizen H... and he and I feel the same way about those Jet-skis...Thanks for stopping by Aytch!

Gewels Barb and Malu...I got no self control and I will cut off my nose to spite my face if someone ticks me off.
Never play chicken with a guy thats got a beat up car or boat!

goatman said...

You must be very proud.

Mother of Invention said...

You're such a devil! Well, I bet it made you feel good that those guys got their just desserts, although I do feel a little sorry that they weren't even there to defend themselves.

In the beginning, I kept reading the word "stripers" as "strippers" and was wondering what you'd use to catch them!! HA!

Old Lady said...