Thursday, July 05, 2007

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Phone rings...I pick it up...
"Hello"
"Hi"
'Whats goin' on"
'Not much...do you know what today is?"

"um....well...lets see, day after the 4th?...No, I don't guess I know what today is"
Its the X-Mrs bulletholes and she says
'We got our Divorce 9 Years ago" and she just laughs...
So I say
'You better be calling to ask me for dinner then"
"In your dreams" she says and and hangs up.

I remember the day almost 10 years ago she brought the Divorce papers for me to sign. I glanced at them and tossed them aside saying
"I'll take a look at 'em whenever"
"No" she says "You'll sign them now, I want to take them straight to the Lawyer"
'Hahahaha" I laugh 'These are legal Documents and I need to read them over before I sign"
"Like hell you do, you know what they say" and she hands them back to me.
Well, she is right, I know whats in them and she is not asking for much of anything. In fact, the child support she wants is less than what the State would mandate. But I'll be damned if she is going to waltz in here and demand that I sign right now. I really don't want any part of it.
So I argue.
As we argue I roll the papers up, and I'm nervously tappping my leg with them. The argument becomes more animated. Its reached the boiling point and out of exasperation, anger or stupidiity, I take the rolled up papers and whack her over the head with them.
Her eyes get like saucers, and she runs out of the house screaming bloody murder, to the car. I'm thinkin' she might call the cops.
I grab a pen and chase after her.
She is in the car, the engine is revving. I step in front of the car and she looks like she just might run me over. No, she is going to run me over in the next several seconds
"You better get your ass outta the way, mister"
I hold up the papers and the pen....'OK, you win, I'll sign"
She stops red-lining the motor. I go over to the roof of the car and sign the papers and hand them through the window.
She manages a thin grin and says
"Thank you sooo much, Now get the hell out of the way"
Burning rubber all the way out the driveway.

Quick as I could, I packed up the Van and headed for the lake for two days of Camping...I knew she'd be back...I missed signing the last page!
OOPS!

12 comments:

Dave Mows Grass said...

Happy anniversary???

GrizzBabe said...

LOL! You were right for not wanting to sign those papers right then. No one should sign any legal documents without going over them with a fine tooth comb even if you do have an idea of what they say. You want to make sure no funny business has taken place at the last minute.

Akelamalu said...

Did she come after you with a baseball bat?

steve said...

Davy-Its an Un-niversary!

griz- Maybe so, but you should not whack your soon to be ex with the Divorce Papers...should you?

Malu- She came after me with a few things over the years!

GEWELS said...

Why, had it been me- I would HAVE run your ass over! Nobody hits me over the head with my own divorce papers.

steve said...

Gewels, you would run over this nice,charming goodlooking, funny man?

red dirt girl said...

oh.

so it's really that easy ....

Mother of Invention said...

Hmmm! You two do have a flair for drama! I agree with grizz...never trust anyone in that situation...check it out thoroughly. So you missed tha back page on purpose?!! You scalywag!

All that aside, it sounds like you guys get along fairly well most of the time.

GEWELS said...

What nice, charming good-looking man? OH YOU! the Robert Redford, Bruce Willis look alike.

Scalywag! That's the perfect word for you- well, perfect as in one that is suitable for children to hear.

steve said...

RDG-Easy? There wasn't anything "easy" about it. I still look back and think it was the worse year there ever could be for anyone. Sometimes I wonder if it had been harder if I would have got over it quicker...only took about 6 years...

Mom- I tell you whats great- not only do i get along with her, but I get along with the New Future X Mr. Bulletholes...her husband...in fact, we have to stick together sometimes...lol

steve said...

Gewels- That sounds like a "Yes, i'd run you over" to me!

Barbara said...

Should I laugh or cry? You obviously still love this woman, despite episodes like this. Are you going to tell us the story of the last page?