THE SAND-DOLLAR

PANTHER CITY FOUNTAIN, DOWNTOWN FORT WORTH

I have been going to downtown Fort Worth quite a lot recently.

Like many downtown areas, Fort Worth suffered the effects of urban sprawl in the 70's and 80's.

It was not a destination for anyone except for those that worked in the tall glass office buildings built with Oil Money as housing for Banks and Insurance Companies.

Fort Worth has two nicknames; Cowtown and Panther City.

Cowtown, because Fort Worth had some of the largest Stockyards in the world on the Northside at the turn of the century.

The name Panther City comes from an incident in the 1880's. it seems the railroad stopped short of getting to Fort Worth, and it was close to becoming a Ghost Town. A Newspaperman came to Fort Worth to check it out and found a panther sleeping on the steps up to City Hall. He went back to Dallas and wrote all about it. Then some men with money stepped up and got the railroad to complete the track to Fort Worth.

Anyways, Downtown Fort Worth, like a lot of other cities has been revived. There are high-Dollar Condo's next to City parks, there are affordable apartments within the downtown proper.

An Entertainment District has been established, called Sundance Square, and there are bands that play outside for free.

Its really been a major transformation took place over the last ten years.

The once empty, old brick buildings now are full well into the night with restaurants and bars and music venues.

These old buildings are magnificent in their Craftsmanship. You see a lot of really nice brickwork Masonry, bas relief Horses and Longhorn Cattleheads.

Its enough to bring a tear to a Fort Worth boys eye.

WHAM-BAM THANK YOU MA'AM

Anyway, as the Ex. Mrs Bulletholes and I drove along on the southern edge of downtown, I said to her:

"Aint that the old "Chalk Her Up" Bar that we went on our first date on over there?"

She says:

'Nooo...that would have been "The Sand-Dollar" that we had our first date at."

I had to grin.
The Sand-Dollar was where we had "made out" at the Bar for TWO HOURS before being ejected for Public Lewdness. The man said "get a room" as we were placed to the curb.

"No" I said 'That would have been our first "Make-out" date. The 'Chalk Her Up" is where you first let me tag along."

"See" she says "tag along"! "That WAS NOT a date!"

Hmpf.

Ten seconds of silence.

Then I kinda whimper and say:

"Well, I thought it was a date!"

That XMrs. Bulletholes!

She's a fast machine.

The dangerous kind.

A total Blam-Blam!

I'll mend my wounds and wait out the winter...

j. mcmurtry

I WAS MOVING THE XMRS. Bulletholes, Yvette, last weekend.
She and her present day husband, sometimes referred to as the New and Improved Future XMrBulletholes have been separated since last Christmas.
Yvette had actually rented an apartment 4 doors down from me.
We really are good friends, and I was looking forward to having her as a neighbor and hopefully being invited for dinner several times a week, not because I imagine candlelight, wine and roses, but simply because while I may be a world class Chef, my cooking lately really stinks.
I am thoroughly disgusted with my own cooking.
I have eaten everything that I know how to cook.
I have been reduced to making Quesadillas on my Combination George Foreman Grill and Laundry Press.
But as bad luck would have it, when she went to get the key for the apartment and took a look inside, she found more than three roaches, which constitutes a swarm, and she went to the office and ripped her lease to shreds.
She will not abide no Roach, no sirree..
I wasn't just disappointed…I was terrified!...
...that with no place to move her to that I might be having her as a houseguest for some amount of time.
We are not that good of friends.
She made arrangements to move her stuff to storage and she will stay with her friend Tara.
She was unable to conjure up any friends or family to help with this move, so I helped her for the next 8 hours, and we finished up about 2A.M. in the morning.

It was during the move that I remembered back to a day 12 years ago that was one of the worst days I ever had.
She was moving her stuff from our house. “Her stuff” meant whatever she wanted of “Our stuff”.
If that were not bad enough, she had about 25 people helping her do it, mostly her family and a few of our friends.
I was not allowed to help that day.
So I sat in front of my Stereo and played really sad songs for her Uncle Chuck.
I think they probably paidhim extra for that.
As I watched I knew that in a few months I would be moving what was left, but that I would probably be doing it alone.
The only bright spot was when they told me some chick showed up that had the hots for me and caused a real scene.
I can't even remember her name, and besides that I wasn’t even there at the time.
But thats a whole 'nother show.

THE WAR OF THE CAKE PANS

Its been a while since I talked much about Yvette, also known as The X-Mrs. Bulletholes.
I did not realize it had been close to a year since I last wrote of her.

Most of you that have been around for long probably have been able to infer that she and I get along pretty well as far as X's go. Actually we get along REAL well as far as X's go.
Our divorced friends kids have always asked our kids "why it is that your Mom and Dad get along" while their parents have injunctions and restraining orders and running battles that have gone on for years.
None of us really knows the answer to that, but it is something we are proud about.

Yvette and I were married for 13 years and for the first 7 we ne'er had a cross word for each other.
The first fight we had was over Wallpaper. We had differing opinions on where it should be cut.
I cut it where I was sure it should be cut, against her advice, and
BIG SURPRISE
she had been right all along.
Do not do wall paper with your love, it can only lead to disaster.

The second fight was what is now referred to as "The War of the Cake Pans".
We had moved into my mothers house after she died and discovered that we now had 3 times as many of everything more than anyone would ever need.
If that sentence is hard to read, you should try to live it.
We had 3 Washers and 3 Driers.
We had 4 and a half Refrigerators.
We had 14 years worth of phone books.
The combined households yeilded the equivalent of 8 jumbo large junk drawers.
The year was 1987 and we had coupons from 1972.
There was a can of Dietic Pie filling that I remember Mom buying at Krogers in 1966.
We had two Rotary Dial and 6 Push Button telephones.
We had a path that led through the boxes and appliances from the garage door to the patio and into the house. Once in the house the path split in two, through and past more boxes and furniture (we had 4 Couches, 5 EZBoy Recliners, 6 cocktail tables, you get the picture) towards either the kitchen or the Bedroom. We were 1 couple, with three bedrooms and 5 beds.
My god, we had two Pianos.
The Living Room had a single path through it as well
My regret to this day is that we did not take pictures.

While clearing the Kitchen one day, I found that we had 11 Cake pans. I threw 6 away, the 6 that were , in my opinion , pretty beat up.
Of course they were not in the trash more than a moment before Yvette materializes in the Kitchen.
"What are you doing" she asks.
"Just trying to clear enough room to set up one of our 4 toasters"
"What are these?' and she rescues 6 beat-up cake pans from the trash.
"Oh, those are trash" I responded "we have five more" and open a cabinet to show her 5 shiny cake pans.
"No they aren't" she says "I want to keep them."

Do I need to tell you that it went downhill from there?
See, for all those years of getting along, we had never learned something that is terribly important.
We never learned how to argue.
Especially me.
The way I resolved it was to drop a cake pan to the ground and step on it.
She would start to argue, and I would drop another to the ground and step on it.
She tried to grab the pans out of my hand, and I dropped TWO to the ground and stepped on them both.

For all this and more, I am truly sorry.

Kissyface wrote a pretty post a few days ago that reminded me of the only argument I can remember that really seemed to go well.

We had been arguing over... hell...I don't remember what it was about, but it was obvious I wasn't going to win.
I told her
"I can't do any good here...I'm going to go lay down in the middle of the road and hope a car runs me over"
and I stormed out the front door and lay myself down in the middle of the road.
It was nighttime.
After a moment she stuck her head out the door and asked
"What, no traffic tonight?"
'None" I said "Just my luck"
as though I really wanted to be run over.
'That's OK" She says "I'll call you up a couple taxicabs for down the street"
We laughed and I went back inside.
I think that was the argument I came closest to winning.

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR

MY THANKSGIVING

Yvette (the XMrs Bulletholes, not her real name), says
"Steve, Water Baby is overdrawn on her account...can you give her some money?"
"Sure, how'd that happen?"
"I don't know"
"How much does she need?"
"$200"
"OK"

So Water Baby, Rip, Yvette and I are in the car going through the drive up ATM....Water Baby is at the wheel ...

I hand her my card and a lightbulb flashes on in my mind and I try to keep a straight face....
"Whats your PIN Daddy?"
"Y-V-E-T-T-E" I spell out...
All 3 turn and look at me like I must be nuts and Yvette says in a real concerned voice
"Its not really is it?"

So I say
"Gimme a break"
and give them the real code.
First there is a huge sigh of relief....
Then we all crack-up...

That was worth like $200 (almost)

Thanksgiving

A Renaissance Man if ever there was one. I love you, Dave...I just wanted to say it... and even John Wayne gazes on in admiration!

My favorite Thanksgiving dish is an Asparagus Casserole' that my Momma used to make.
You take Wheatsworth crackers and crumble them up in the bottom of the biggest baking pan you've got because no matter how big that pan is, there will not be enough. Then you take canned Asparagus and put it on top.
Be generous.
Now you slather a good layer of Cream of Mushroom Soup ( the Duct Tape of the Kitchen) on top of the Asparagus and top all that with grated Cheddar Cheese and Sliced Hard Boiled Eggs. As good as the Asparagus is its really the Eggs that are "where its at".
Now you slide it into the oven...and ...cook ...it ...till its...done.
If you have gotten this far you will know when that is.

The classical Culinary term for a garnish of Bread Crumbs and Hard boiled Eggs is "Mimosa" although "Polonaise" might work as well.

I used to be a Chef, but I could never cook this one.

The one time I tried, I used some kind of fancy-ass Cheese, and made my own Mushroom Soup and used the Fresh Asparagus and some kinda crumbled Brioche for the crust and it was pretty much inedible.
No ma'am just stick to the Housewifey Recipe' and keep it simple.

The X Mrs. Bulletholes provides this dish since Mom is no longer around and the Water Baby may just love this stuff as much as I. The Water Baby can barely make a cup of Ramen Noodles by herself, but she has already mastered this one.

My favorite condiment at Thanksgiving is the Cranberry Relish. I love to mix great gobs of it in with my Dressing and Mashed Potatoes and lace all this with Turkey. I think it is much underutilized throughout the year, and goes very well with Pork and Chicken.
I have a nice variation for Cranberry Relish that is great for Game and Smoked Meats. quite simply, follow the instructions on the package of Fresh cranberries, but throw in a good measure of Chiffonade/Grated Fresh Ginger, and substitute Rice wine Vinegar for Orange Juice.

Now I don't know if Dave Mows Grass is going to making his Really Juicy Turkey/Iron Mountain Bird this year, but in typical Machinist fashion he produces a crust that Joeseph Whitworth could probably make bolts from and you have to have a Jackhammer to get to the meat. but once you do, ddave assures me, it is larrapin' good. (very good)

It was Abraham Lincoln that gave us our Thanksgiving holiday. In the months prior to the 1864 election he said 'I am going to be beaten, and beaten badly."
He was not, and the results of the Election were quite remarkably in his favor despite the fact that he did not even appear on the ballot in several states. Something like that.
I'll have to research and append this post.

At any rate, he had much to be thankful for; the nation , though at War even with itself, did as well; and the same holds true for us today.

From his Thanksgiving Proclamation;

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict ...


Heres to Softened Hearts.... and an end to Military Conflict.

THE DOG HOUSE

The first time I got put into the Dog House, you know, when either the Mrs. kicks you out,or things have got so out of hand that she leaves herself, I saw a most amazing thing.
I was in my backyard, about 4A.M., doing what she told me to do, just thinkin' things over.
Orion was rising, along with the sparkling dancing Sirius, and it was an especially clear night. I had tired of looking up and was now studying the last of the green grass of summer.
Suddenly, I could see my shadow on the ground, and it seemed that the Pine tree lit up with some Celestial Illumination.
I quickly looked up and saw the most magnificient Meteor I had ever seen! It was directly overhead and it seemed as though it was in slow motion as it burned a trail all the way to the horizon, the great ball leaving a trail of sparks behind. As I mouthed silently "WOW" I discovered the event was not over yet....in the next ten seconds I actually heard it crackle!

Anyway, I told the Mrs. the next day that I wasn't going anywhere....but if she felt like she needed to she could leave.
She stayed.

About a year later I was back in the Doghouse and it was 4A.M. This time I was at a friends house in his backyard.
A sudden glow, a look up and another spectacular trail followed by a crackle, like an egg frying, or the sound on the 4th of July of very distant fireworks.
Two times in my life I have seen a Meteor large enough to even be able to hear it and both times I was in a lotta trouble.
Anyway, the next day I told the Mrs. that if she wanted to leave she could if thats what she thought she should do, but she already had my bags packed.
Thats when you are all the way out of the Doghouse.
I knew I wouldn't be coming back; that is to say, she wouldn't be asking me back. I knew that when I saw that Meteor.

American Indians say that a Meteor is a sign of bad times to come.
We all have our Meteors I suppose.

TENTS

When the Water Baby was about 9 months old, we took her on her first Camp-out. Arrived at Toledo Bend Lake on the Texas -Louisiana border about 3a.m. The Campsite I go to there is very primitive. Fired up two Colman Lanterns and proceeded to set up the tent.

When Mrs. Bulletholes and I began Camping in the early days, before kids, our tent was a
Two-Man Pup Tent that you could not even stand up in. Of course, it did little to keep out rain, and there was no floor...we had to get cozy right down in the dirt.
I called it "Roughin' it".
How The Mrs. hung in there I don't know.
The Mrs. "Lobbied" for many a year for me to get a better tent...that is to say a REAL tent...and when Water Babe was born, she put her foot down, and we now had a "Family" style Tent that had a floor, mosquito net, 6" tall with an Awning.
Big enough to put in a Pool Table and Wet Bar.
Anyway, as I set up the Campsite and Tent, with the shadows from the Lanterns dancing on Pine trees, the Water baby cried and cried and cried...she was in totally unfamiliar territory and she did not like it! Her Mother held her tight, trying to comfort and reaasure her that all was fine.
But even familiar objects like pacifiers and bottles and Rattles, and the little cooing sounds a Mother makes, or rocking and swaying in Moms arms could not ease the terror of this strange place.
She was just flat horrified.

I finally got the tent set up. I took the poor girl in my arms and tried to show her the trees, the Lantern, the lake.
"See honey, everythings cool...its OK...you are going to love this place....amd look!
I have this Tent set up for you to sleep in...its like a little room with walls and you'll be safe in here..."

And I set her down on the floor in the tent.
She looked up to the right, then up to the left...she crawled in a circle, giving herself a Panaorama of what daddy had been working on...and she finally stopped crying.
She looked up at me and flashed a little grin...
Then she did something she still does to this day...
Her eyes will close with a pleasure that comes from knowing everything is going your way, not just everything, no, the entire Universe.
Then she will raise her face slightly to the heavens, further basking in Gods good humor, while the contentedness just washes over her...its like something out of a Charlie Brown Cartoon I swear...you would think shes eating Ice Cream!
And thats what she is doing now...alll the fear and unknowing and reluctance has been replaced like an old tent....she is right where she should be and I hope she gets everything out of it she can.
Then she's going to help save the Planet!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Phone rings...I pick it up...
"Hello"
"Hi"
'Whats goin' on"
'Not much...do you know what today is?"
"Um....well...lets see, day after the 4th? Bastille Day?...No, I don't guess I know what today is"
Its the X-Mrs bulletholes and she says
'We got our Divorce 9 Years ago" and she just laughs...
So I say 'You better be calling to ask me for dinner then"
"In your dreams" she says and and hangs up.

 I remember the day almost 10 years ago she brought the Divorce papers for me to sign.
I glanced at them and tossed them aside saying "I'll take a look at 'em whenever"
"No" she says "You'll sign them now, I want to take them straight to the Lawyer"
'Hahahaha" I laugh 'These are legal Documents and I need to read them over before I sign"
"Like hell you do, you know what they say" and she hands them back to me.
Well, she is right, I know whats in them and she is not asking for much of anything. In fact, the child support she wants is less than what the State would mandate. But I'll be damned if she is going to waltz in here and demand that I sign right now.
I really don't want any part of it, this divorce.
So I argue. As we argue I roll the papers up, and I'm nervously tapping my leg with them. The argument becomes more animated. Its reached the boiling point and out of exasperation, anger or stupidity, I take the rolled up papers and whack her over the head with them.
Her eyes get like saucers, and she runs out of the house screaming bloody murder, to the car. I'm thinkin' she might call the cops. I grab a pen and chase after her. She is in the car, the engine is revving. I step in front of the car and she looks like she just might run me over. No, she is going to run me over in the next several seconds
"You better get your ass outta the way, mister"
I hold up the papers and the pen....'OK, you win, I'll sign"
She stops red-lining the motor. I go over to the roof of the car and sign the papers and hand them through the window. She manages a thin grin and says
"Thank you sooo much, Now get the hell out of the way"
Burning rubber all the way out the driveway.
 Quick as I could, I packed up the Van and headed for the lake for two days of Camping...I knew she'd be back...I missed signing the last page! OOPS!

OH, PLEASE STEVE, GIVE ME A BREAK

part 2, continued from yesterday, and you really should go back and read yesterdays first...I'm posting awful quick these days, I know...

I think its important to note here how smart the Red Dirt Girl is with her comment from yesterday...I said that Kristi moved out that very day after I threw the deadly Palmetto Bug at her.... the fact of the matter is that we were in the process of moving her out when it happened!
And I'll tell you something else- Kristi, when we went Golfing, used to like to take the little Frogs that lived on the Golf course and put them under her Halter top! She could pack quite a few of them in there and they would wriggle and move about, giving her Halter a singular crawling effect.
Go Figure!
As rude as it might seem, I don't think I would trade that scene of her pinned against the wall with that bug buzzing away right between her eyes for all the sinfull bliss in the world!
We actually kept dating for another 6 months or so before the fire went all the way out.
Then my mother had a stroke and I moved home and for the next 6 months that is where my time was spent... at the Hospital and then in Physical Therapy with her.

But she improved and I began to get out again and every Monday night I would go to the Bar at the Restaurant I had worked at with Kristi and Laura. Kristi was no longer there, but the real reason I went was that Laura was the Bartender. I knew everybody there as well and it was one of those "Cheers" type settings, with a lot bigger cast.
Laura was still living with the Duke, but Laura is a fiercely independant lady, a real free Spirit; I am much the same, but you cannot out-Laura Laura.
Everyone at the bar knew there was an attraction between Laura and I, but they did not know how far back we actually went. No one was aware that we had nearly been a thing at least twice now over the years.
I think the only thing Laura ever said about Kristi was that I had picked the wrong one that
night, but I reminded her that it was they that held all the cards that night. We both just laughed.
One night at the Bar I finally got fed up with all the Pussyfootin' that was going on between Laura and I.
I walked behind the bar and tapped Laura on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at me like I was nuts and said "You aren't supposed to be back here Mister"...
To which I replied "I know" and I took her in my arms and began to kiss her. She didn't seem to mind it too much and the next thing I know she is off the ground with her legs wrapped around me and we have been lip-locked for at least 20 seconds. It was all very passionate.
If I had not been giving her my undivided, I would have noticed that the normal noisy din of the Bar had decreased... you could almost hear our lips a-smackin'!
All eyes were on Laura and I and I have no idea how long this kiss went on but at some point, someone began to clap and someone else to cheer and soon the Bar erupted in a cacaphony like as never been heard.
The crowd went wild!
The Judges gave us ... all Tens!

Later that night we left our footprints on the rear window of my car...
And for the next few months we got together a few times but it wasn't no big thing...
And if the Duke had known he would have killed me...
I saw Kristi one day and she gave me a High -Five sayin' "I heard abut you and Laura!"
And I still wonder sometimes where the whole deal was heading...
Because one day at work I took an elevator ride that changed everything...

The future Ex Mrs. Bulletholes made me forget all about Laura...and the Bar... except for the night we went to the Bar and I introduced her to Laura... Laura winked and said "I wondered where you have been".
Several months later, Laura called one morning and invited me to some kind of Picnic. I told her I was engaged.
"Takin' the vow's Steve?...Thats sweet!" she said.

After I was married, I ran into her at a Fishing Tackle Store. She had taken up Fishing and gotten shed of the Duke. We started to go fishing together. it was like we had never been what we had been and were just satisfied being friends.
One day out in the boat I looked at her and said...

"You know Laura, I always felt funny that we seemed to have somethin' goin' and then I met the mrs. and the next thing you know I'm married and never really said anything to you at all."
Laura looks at me and rolls her eyes and says"Oh, please Steve, give me a Break... Get over yourself" and laughed at me like I was a real idiot.
A few weeks later, I told the Mrs about this exchange.
She just laughed and said "I asked Laura if I should worry about you guys out in that boat. She just rolled her eyes and said the same thing to me".

I guess there's still another part left here...its not what you are probably thinkin' right now!

ALL ABOUT COMING HOME

"time is the echo of an axe within a wood"
philip larkin

Part 6
1987
The Conclusion
There were a lot of ways for this story to end, but they all really end the same, don't they?
I think, all things considered, I could not ask for a better one.

The night before Thanksgiving I was up all night , smoking a Turkey on the Grill outside.
I thought about how Mom had died less than a year before, in the room right in there.
I thought about how we brought Grandma home, and put her in the room right in there, and how when she died, we were right there with her. We did not get a call from a nursing home 100 miles away... we were right there.
And as I watched my old friend Orion rising in small hours of the morning, I thought about the last 4 weeks, and what they had brought...

I had quit my job with a large Hotel. I’d had enough. While I served out my 2 weeks notice, my wife had gone to check on my father at a Nursing Home. The VA had had to move him to a Private Facility, and though they still picked up the tab, it put him another 50 miles further from home, and if we were to move him, they no longer would pay.
What my wife found on her visit set her already Red hair ablaze. The care at the VA had been spectacular. Now she found that within 4 weeks of being at this Private facility, he had bedsores and according to her ‘smelled like an outhouse with fecal material and urine on his bed and person”. I want you to know that when the xmrs B’Holes gets her blood up, the shit will hit the fan. I can only imagine the coals that she raked those folks at that Nursing Home over that day.
When she got back to town, we decided on this:
With Mom and Grandma no longer in need of Dads money and Estate, we would move him to the Nursing Home that was 2 blocks from our house. To hell with the expense. We entertained the notion of bringing him all the way home, like we did with Grandma, but that had been hard on us.

So the next week, the day after my last day of work, I drove the 150 miles and removed Dad from the Nursing home from Hell, and brought him home, to the Nursing Home around the corner called the LaDora Lodge.
I had a Van, and laid the seats out in back with him on them. I straddled his chest, taping paper over the windows to keep the sun off him and as I looked down into those Ice blue eyes I said
“Are you ready to go home, Pop?”
His face came alive with knowing.... his eyes flashed and I knew he understood. It had been a long time since he had spoken, and he did not speak now ...instead he gave me his big belly laugh and a tear rolled from the corner of his eye.
After all we had been through I can tell you I would not trade that moment for anything in the World.
We were going home.

We got him to his new home and we visited and had visited everyday for the last two weeks. I also want you to know that the Xmrs B’Holes can talk the ears off a Wooden Indian and she talked to Dad like he had always been right there.
She is like a Superhero to me.

...Its Thanksgiving morning.
I checked the Turkey; lookin’ good.
I checked Orion and he was where he should be at 5:00A.M.
The phone rang. Who could that be?
Its LaDora Lodge.
‘Mr. Bulletholes, I am sorry to be calling at this hour, but I thought you would want to know your father has passed away”

I like to think that Dad stopped by for a two week visit on his way Home.

RECEPTION TO FOLLOW

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger,
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day.
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say,
"Hello in there, hello."
john prine

1984 Part 4

"He probably won't know what we are here for, or what has happened, but I'm glad for you to meet him just the same."
"Oh I can't wait, I know I'll like him"
"He's a great guy"


My new Wife just looked at me with that soft look that says "Of course he is. He must be". The first year...anything associated with me must be great. Its just a shame that she will never really know, about dad I mean, but I don't say that. For now we can pretend that everything is the same as it ever was. I was never sure what to talk to Dad about when I came and I wondered what Mrs. Bulletholes and he would find to discuss. I'm just hoping he will know who I am.

We are almost to the VA Hospital, when new Wife says
"How does this look?"
I glance over and she has unwrapped one of the cigars meant for Dad; she has stuck it into her mouth. It looks like a giant Gobstopper and her eyes are flashing blue as she shakes her shoulders, removes the Stogie and blows imaginary Smoke rings at me.
"Thats real nice Babe, he's going to like you a lot."


"JACK, YOU HAVE A VISITOR"
He is led into the visiting Lounge, he sees me and I see the recognition in his face, then he spies the New Wife and I see a little confusion.
Dad, its me- Steve!"
"Steve? My son? Well, Ill be damned!"
I give a hug and motion to Wife..."Dad, I want you to meet someone. I found an Angel Girl and I got married and she wants to meet you."
She steps forward with her hug and says her name.

Dad used to tell me when I was a boy that when I got married he would decorate my Car with cans tied to the back and honk his horn as we drove down the street. That was nothing compared to what he would give us today.

You could see the wheels spinning as he tried to make all the connections... but it really didn't take that long for this weary mind to grasp the moment.
He looked at me then back to her and pulls her back for another hug.

"Well, let me welcome you into the family. You are a Bullethole now; you are my Daughter."

Mrs. Bulletholes cannot believe it. But she never missed a beat.
"Is it OK if i call you 'Dad" Dad?"
'"Sure. Do we have any Scotch?"
"Scotch?"
'They took my Scotch or we could have a Toast"
"No, but we've got these" andn holds up a fistful of cigars.
Big chuckle from dad as he says "Now theres a good girl"

She has heard the stories and the warnings about how far gone this man is. The expectations are that we are going to confuse Dad, and in that confusion there will be a sadness and a sense of loss. Instead there is a sense of place and ...Redemption for all the years of waiting for a "Hello" and paying double for a line that has been disconnected.

Nothing could have prepared me for his sudden lucidity.

Had he been saving it, hidden in reserve for the moment he would need it?

Are we not all Psychic, with our brains operating like Time Machines, where information from the future influences events of the past?

I was so proud of him that day. I always wonder if he knew how good he had done. Certainly he had recognized something significant.

Years ahead he would have another great day...

We sat, and as he talked, the Cigar was used to great effect. At times it was a Baton and he was the Maestro. As he and his new Daughter discussed her career in Sales, it became a Pen writing a new customer a letter of introduction. Then it was his Crystal Ball, as he gazed into it and declared that someday, somehow, he would "beat this thing" and find a way to move closer to us.

His family.

I wonder if he knew he had met a Hero that day.

His Hero, and mine.

I wonder did he know he spoke as a Prophet that day?
Do you close your eyes to see miracles?
Do you raise your face to kiss the Angels?
Do you bow your head to hear Oracles?(to be continued)

(to be continued)

THE CHEF OF LOVE

I stood in the Elevator slackjawed and it became apparent that Shila and Yvette were the same person. I will never forget the look on her face or the sparkle in her eye when she said that "Shila" was 'around" and that she would "love to go out" with me. God, she must have been proud of herself.
My affections having been so dubiously declared we began our friendship and Courtship, which consisted of a few games of pool, a night of dancing and then me leaving on a two week vacation to live in a tent and fish all by myself.
I really wanted her to go with me. She really wanted to come. I drew her a map and told her it was only a 6 hour drive. There would be no elecrtricity or the convenience of modern plumbing.
She did not show.
But when I got home two weeks later, my mother said there were two girls that had been calling every day for 4 days to find out if I was back yet. It was Shila and her roomate June.
I went over there to find that all of my Horndog Kitchen buddies had spent the last two weeks with Shila and June. They had been havin'quitye a time. There were pictures of them by the pool, on the couch, in the kitchen, smokin' and drinkin' like it was 1999. It was 1983.
There was still plenty of time.
My buddies had been hornin' in on my little gold mine.
But I was back now and it was going to be "Happy Days at Hormone Hall".
They called me "The Chef of Love" and "Stevette". Even had a nametag for me.
This is the song I courted Shila with; of course its a throwback from the generation before mine and I love it! Sung by Guy Mitchell, it is big Band:

There's a pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
And I walk up and down 'neath the clock(neath the clock)
(By the pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
But I ain't got a thing left to hock

She was peaches, she was honey, and she cost me all my money
'cause a whirl 'round the town was her dream (was her dream)
Took her dancin', took her dinin' till her blue eyes were shinin'
With the sights that they never had seen (never seen)
If you should run into a golden-haired angel
And ask her tonight for a date
She'll tell you somewhere there's a rich millionaire
Who is calling again about eight

(There's a pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
And I've just gotta get five or ten (five or ten)
(From the pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
Gotta be with my angel again

She was peaches, she was honey, and she cost me all my money'
cause a whirl 'round the town was her dream (was her dream)
(Took her dancin', took her dinin' till her blue eyes were shinin')
(With the sights that they never had seen)
If you should run into a golden-haired angel
And ask her tonight for a date
She'll tell you somewhere there's a rich millionaire
Who is calling again about eight

(There's a pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
And I've just gotta get five or ten (five or ten)
(From the pawnshop on a corner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
Gotta be with my angel again
Gotta be with my angel again

Over the years, my thinking Shila to be one of a set of twins was the source of some very good humor.

"CHARMED, I'M SURE"

I was riding up the freight elevator with a load of Cheese Mirrors for a Party. There were four, each about 2 feet by 5 feet and they weighed probably 150 pounds each. You transport them on what we call 'Queen Mary's" in the Hotel business.
On the elevator with me was a Banquet Bartender. She had fiery Red hair, very curly; and blue eyes with flecks of yellow in them that just sparkled. Her name tag said "Yvette' and she was one of a set of twins that worked at the Hotel. They had to be twins.
I had a thing for them both.
I had only ridden on the elevators with them before, and then only one at a time.
Yvette was the most outgoing of the two. She was always very chatty. Her sister was more demure, and seemed to be more like me, that is to say, kind of shy. Yes, I was at one time rather shy. Actually I still am if one can be loud and shy at the same time. Yvette's hair was not as curly and she had seemed to have fewer freckles too. They both had the prettiest smiles you ever saw. It was near impossible to tell them apart....
Either of them tended to light up the Freight Elevator whenever they entered it, or so it seemed to me.

Her sisters name was Shila.

As we rode up the elevator I decided the time had come to make my move, which back then for most guys consisted of remaineing as ambiguous and noncommittal as possible.
I opened with a question about her sister.
"So where is Shila tonight?"
'Oh, she's around. Why do you ask?."
"Well, I was thinkin of askin' her out. Is she spoken for? Do you think she'd go out with me?"
Yvettes eyes are sparkling overtime now. She has on the standard issue Black Skirt, White Blouse, Burgundy Vest and little Black Bowtie. All complimented very nicely by a pair of JC Penny's patent Leather Pumps.
Her eyes blazing, she gives me a wicked smile and reaches into her vest pocket, pulls out a name tag, removes the one that says "Yvette" and replaces it with one that says "Shila".
Oh, my God!
The Elevator is beggining to slow down and stop. Hell, from where I am standing it feels like it is starting to spin.
"Shila" sucks in a little breath, begins to push her Bar out the elevator and looks me in the eye, touches my wrist, her head is rockin' a little, like on a bias, and she flashes that absolutely wicked smile again and says:
"Oh yes, I'm sure Shila would love to go out with you", and gives me a little wink.
Time seemed to have stopped as I stood there, the Earth spinning under my feet with my mouth hanging open, totally slackjawed.
It took me a full minute to figure it all out.

IN THE GARDEN OF SHILO P. Himmelman

I get the call about this time every year. Its the Ex Mrs Bulletholes calling to find out what I want for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Of course she already knows.
It was my Mothers recipe’; Asparagus Casserole.
I have never made it but it calls for canned Asparagus, Cream of Mushroom Soup. Grated Cheese and Hard boiled Eggs. The Eggs and Cheese are “where its at”.

The Ex Mrs Bulletholes, Shila, makes it for me every year.
In the early years of our marriage I used to tell her I was the "luckiest guy in the world".
But life gets complicated, and we took on a mortgage, and had a couple kids and got into debt, and lost jobs and thingsd got tough.
During this time, when things didn't seem to be going so well for us, I told her that I must be the "most unlucky person in the World".
She pointed out to me that I had her, and a couple good kids, and a car that ran, and lots of friends and lots of thing to feel 'lucky" about.
But I still had trouble finding my gratitude.

The next week was my Birthday. She handed me a small box, tied with a little ribbon, and in such a kind gvoice, and a loving look said 'This is for you".
I opened Shila’s present to me.
It was a Rabbits Foot.
Thats how Shila is.
She is the most magnificent person I have ever known.

I have never made that Asparagus Casserole;
Even through the years that she and I did not get along well, I never went without it.
And it pains me to know I lost Shila.
I am lucky to know her.

Thank you, Shila, I can’t imagine Thanksgiving without you.
Happy Thanksgiving ,Everyone!