Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I wrote and posted this up a couple years ago, but my son happened to see it, got a little paranoid, and wanted me to take it down. So I did.
But here it is, and I'm able to post it again because his life is much different now.
I'm very proud of him, and what he has done to get his act together. Like i said last week, he took five ckllases, and he passed five classes.

October 2009
I went to one of these fancy, high fallutin' North Dallas parties over the weekend.
They had Shrimp, and Smoked Salmon; Calamata Olives and Roasted Red peppers; even had Swedish meatballs and Spanokopita.
It was what my father would have called “pretty swanky”.
And they even had a very cute little blond catering girl with a ferocious ass serving it all up.

There was the usual assortment of Power Hitters, Corporate Gurus, and High Fashionista types.
I got cornered by a plain looking fellow with a cherubic face, dimpled chin, and bad acne. The only thing cool about him was his Stevie Ray Vaughn hat, but even that would not save him from the fact that he had shown up to this party with three mechanical pencils in his shirt pocket. We discussed his job as a software engineer and the failings of Excel Spreadsheets, and I was just about to make my break when we were approached by a very aggressive man that stood 6’6” and could not have weighed more than 140 pounds. Within 45 seconds I had his life story.

He said he had a degree in chemistry, and had retired a millionaire the first time after selling his business in Magnetic Imaging. Then he went to Law School and had spent the last several years suing the asses off of corrupted Doctors. Then he retired again, because its too "hard to sue a Doctor" anymore, but he is working now on a Metabolic Elixir, sure to be a success and save people from the heartbreak of needless bariatric surgery.
Then he started in with the questions….I thought I was on a speed date.
“Kids?” He asked.
“Two” I said.
“19 and 20”
“Girl and Boy”
‘Working or school?”
“Boy works, Girl in school”
“Marine Biology”
“What job?”
‘Are you asking me what my son does for a living?”
“Oh, he deals Pot.”
His jaw drops and theres something stuck in his throat.
‘Really?” he gasps.
“Yes, he does quite well. Takes after me.”

So the three of us guys stood there and chewed the fat for…well…for as long as I could take it. I finally found a break in the rapid fire conversation and said
“Well listen fellas, its been fascinating talking with ya’ll, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to go find some chicks to talk to.”
When I left an hour later with the little catering girl, those two were still jabberin’ away.


West Texas Insomniac said...

This isn't exactly where you were going, but...

1) You never know 'til you try. For every single "Yes" you may get 50 "No's"...(Years of training salespeople...) If you apply that principle to life, it opens a lot of doors. What's the WORST thing that can happen if you ask for that date, that promotion, that loan, etc...They can say "No". As far as I know, "No" has never killed anyone. You dust yourself off, ego intact, and you try again.

2) While both may have their own merits, when given the choice I'd rather spend time with a cute waitress than two nerds.

Hey Steve!!!

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is training to be a marine biologist? So am I! Haven't I told you before? That I was a M.B. I mean... But that was a long long time ago, when I was still alive. What's her subject? I studied the coral reef ecosystem.

But furthermore, I enjoyed your post tremendously.


bulletholes said...

West Texas, 'No" os not a word we use around here!

Martijn, she's just getting started, and may even be having some doubts about what she wants to do.
Glad you enjoyed the story!

Barbara said...

Should I ask how much of this is true? Probably not. I could actually see it happening and I could even see you responding just like that. But I do hope that's not what Rip is really doing these days...

goatman said...

Eating high on the hog were you?

I am personally jealous!!!
Whatever happened to Red ? Hope she is alright these days.

bulletholes said...

Hey Goatman! Yeah, i wore that Salmon (and that little Croissant) right out!
No, Red has slipped out on us. Haven't been able to raise her for a few months.

GEWELS said...

Boy do I wish you had been at my Halloween party this weekend. It was a hoot and you would have made it hootier! Lol!
And what were you doing at a swanky party anyway, cowboy?

bulletholes said...

Gewels, I was noshin' and imbibin' Diet Dr. Pepper, tryin' to drum up a game of 'Spin the Bottle", just like the good ol' days.

Mother of Invention said...

I love your stories..or real life accounts or whatever!!!!