Friday, November 10, 2006


I have found two callings that I was unaware of. I am the best little "Pan-handler" you have ever seen and the Jol-Jol-Jolliest Santa Claus ever.
The band marched 8 miles through the Community last month and you just would not believe what a time I had. The parents carried buckets for donations as the people came out of their homes to see the band play and march by. I am not too proud to beg, in fact, it may be my strongest suit....before leaving the Parking Lot at the Starting line I had collected $65 from the parents themselves!
Then as the band moved along I noticed that a lot of peple were coming out a minute or two after the Band passed by. I knew that these people wanted the opportunity to give as well so I hung back to accomodate them.
To the tune of about $250 in the first mile!
This was money that would have otherwise been passed by!

There was one problem...the band was now so far ahead of me that I could no longer even hear them. I had been running like crazy from side to side of the street and trying to run to catch up but since quitting smoking last year I am up about 40 pounds up and am not as fleet of foot as I once was.

A lady dropped a five in my bucket and asked if I needed water.
I was soaked with sweat and breathing quite heavily.
Nodding my head,"Yes, please".
As I darnk her water, with much gusto, she looked at my poor, fat and battered body and asked "Do you need a ride back to the band"?
Nodding vigorously now 'YES, PLEASE!"
She returned me to the March-a-Thon and I was proclaimed a hero- no one else had collected such a sum.
I swore I could not hang back like that again and risk exhaustion, but no one else seemed willing so.... I hung back again, running like crazy from side to side. I couldn't help it, thats where the money was.

Then I ran into the Crazy Cat Lady
I could barely hear the band when I saw her.... and I knew what she was right away... she was a "Crazy Cat Lady" that you read and hear about. She had a cat sweater and cat socks and cat shooes and cat pants and I think she had a tail but it was hard to tell because she had about 15 cats swarming around her. She was cradling in her arms what had to be the Worlds Biggest Cat.
She was standing at the end of her driveway and I asked (without breaking stride)
"Would you like to give to the Band?"
She looked at me through her cat glasses and says
"I have no money"
'Ok, have a great day"
I was walking as briskly as possible hoping to get past and well beyond the crazy cat lady
when I hear her say"Sir?"
I am far enough past her now that I have to stop and turn around.
"Yes, ma'am?" Says I.
"You can have my cat" Says she, and extends this monstrous cat towards me.
I think it was dead....
I ran for my life!

Soon will be the Craft Fair where for five dollars you can get your picture done sitting in Santas lap...unless you are his daughter, in which case its free!
Now, can someone please tell me how to rotate this photo 90 degrees?


Mother of Invention said...

HA! You're a riot! Such a funny post! Now I know what was behind your comment on my blog when you said someone once tried to give you her cat!!

I have potential to be a cat lady too! I have plenty of cat earrings mugs etc. but you're not touchin' my kitties!

I can so relate to your not knowing how to rotate the pic! I'm lovin' it!

steve said...

Momma, you just would not believe all the posts I could do with regard to what went on in Band. (you can ask the ex- Mrs Bulletholes) I was afraid I might offend all you cat ladies out there with this one but I did'nt want to leave you hangin'. I am afraid that my 3.336 readers are becoming weary of all this band talk but I just can't help it...

Barbara said...

So what was the grand total you collected? This is hilarious! Your daughter is very cute. I think it's just great that you are a band "groupie."

Mother of Invention said...

"It's your blog and you can blog what you want to!" (Leslie Gore??!!) Okay, it's an even Steven trade! You may have to suffer through our blog topic addictions!! Maybe cat stories/pics from me!

RE: Bruce C. You are so lucky! He doesn't know me but hopefully will have heard all about the Sheerway Fish and Game Club in Quebec. Just for interest, ptint this off if you want and share it with him and if you have a chance. Tell him I'm a Canadian blogger pal who is also a great fan!

His father, Doug, and my father, Doug Williams, grew up together in Ottawa South. His grandfather (whose name escapes me just now)was the first president of the club and started the club in the 30's with my grandfather, Charles Williams, a really good friend, and a few of their other friends.

Ask him if he's ever been and/or remembers any stories about it. Somewhere there are old log books entries by his dad and grandfather. On the real off chance he wants to contact me, (whoo!)feel free to pass on my e-mail.

Also, he can see pics of these cabins on my blogsite in some Aug. posts.

That would be so neat if he contacted me! But he probably wouldn't have time.

steve said...

Barb- You have been so much on my mind since your post about a Blogger get together and how close we have become through the blogsphere. I have seached a Stephen King book for the right paragraaph about how so many stories are left untold for want of an understanding ear and I will try to do a post for you this week.
With regards to being a Groupie, i thing monday I will do my Personnal Ad....
momma- i said that people down here wouldn't know good music if it bit them... i am disappointed to say Mr Cockburns show cancelled due to a lack of sales....pissed me off!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi cowboy,

I loved this post......especially about cats since AE over at Words that Flow has been teasing me about being a cat.........and I don't really like cats (sorry cat lovers)......but must seem to act like one: independent, aloof, sneaks in quietly, sneaks out..........don't get me wrong about the comment on the poem - I think it's great that you are able to verbalize what you think - I have thicker skin than that!! Plus my son will be pleased that you took the time to elaborate on your thoughts.......he was a bit disappointed that no one had "analyzed" their've done that quite nicely! Your daughter is a that you sitting sideways in a Santa suit????? please don't call yourself fat, Steve! As for your more 'wicked' comments.......I do so enjoy them...maybe you can send them along with their 'edited' versions - a sort of FYEO (for your eyes only)since I review all comments before publishing..... of course it is difficult for me to respond back to them in this forum....I believe one tequila shot would take me down for the count these days.........!! so I'm with you there!! You appear to be a great dad/loving father.....that's wonderful! Your daughter is quite lucky.

ps - so what did you think of the wolverine shoes?????? clever I thought........I'm not so sure Sir Kilroy agreed.........he seems to favor purple - LOL

Mother of Invention said...

Aw shucks! Too bad!

GrizzBabe said...

LOL! Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers. You are too funny.

Oh yeah, you should seriously consider locking that daughter of yours in a basement pronto!

steve said...

We keep her in a Tower like Rapunzel. I crack myself up.