Tuesday, November 21, 2006

HE FORGOT THAT IT WAS SUNDAY

Ninth Grade MYF

We all sat up in the very front at the morning service and filled the first three rows in front of the pulpit. We were very earnest in our prayers and for the most part very well behaved.
On the morning in question, before church in my room I gave my Wild Animal calls a little inspection, and as a young boy will do, dreamed of calling in a Fox with my Fox call or a flock of Mallards with my Duck call. Mom called me to go and I absentmindedly stuck the Duck Call into my front pocket.
Really.
Sure enough I found it about 1/3 of the way into the Sermon and passed it down to my best friend Steve at the end of the isle for his appreciation. Having been duly appreciated, it was passed back to me where I discovered that I would have to stand up in order to put the device back into my pocket.

The previous week my best friend Steve and I had gone golfing together. My Dad dropped us off at the Golf Course. It was his first time but Steve was always a Natural. We got him a set of rented left hand Clubs. On the 11th hole, a Par 3, Steve hit a hole in one. We thought it was hilarious and were rolling on the ground at the Tee box clutching our sides in laughter. No one believed us. I still wake up at night thinking about it. Last time I saw Steve I said something to him about it and he claimed to have forgotten about it.

I discovered that I would have to stand up to get the Call back into my pocket.
I held the call in my hand and had no intention of using it.
Really, I ddin't.
About ½ way through the Sermon I felt the tickle in my throat. I brought my hand up to cover my mouth and (cough)

Q-QUAAACK-K

The echo bounced off the choir loft, rounded the foyer, shook the rafters and brought the Sermon to a dead stop.
The row in front of me turned around and all heads to my left and right turned to the center.
I looked at the end of the aisle where Steve is giving me the “Thumbs Up" and cracking up.
My friend Nancy sitting right beside me, pinches me on the leg and whispers angrily "Give me that thing RIGHT NOW!"
I look up to the Pulpit where the preacher, Brother Jimmy, is looking me right in the eye. His face at first is very stern , but begins to soften as he whispers into the microphone:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do not know what that was but I can assure you it was not the Holy Spirit!"



Some of my best days were spent in that Church.

6 comments:

red-dirt-girl said...

LOL, Steve!!!!!! reminds me of the days as a child (yes, long long ago) when I'd attend vacation bible school at my grandmother's very, very small church in West Va....there was this boy who always wanted to hold my hand, and would deliberately stand next to me during circle prayer time....I let him hold my elbow........my grandmother got the biggest kick out of that.....she still would remind me of it, up to her death 2 years ago.....Remember when.....she always liked to point out to me that he became an Optician......

steve said...

I was always edging up towards Nancy come hand-holdin' time. Its the oldest trick in the book.

Barbara said...

This sounds too good to be TRUE! Are you pulling all of our legs?

steve said...

Barbara if I could make this stuff up I'd be rich.
Steve went on to College on a Golf Scholarship. I wonder just how many people have hit a hole in one the first time out. He is a bigshot with American Airlines now and credits his Golf game as part of his advancement.
Nancy graduated as Valedectorian of our Class; She was very smart. Smart enough to steer clear of me.
Fifteen years later, i was married in that Church, by the very same preacher in the story.

Dave said...

"I get no rethpect!"

Are you sure it wasn't "AFFF-FLAAAK!"

Mother of Invention said...

What a great come-back for the preacher! And what a funny, neat kid you were! And what a great golfer your frind is/was!

After reading your reply to Barbara, I have to say that if I were the Preacher who married you, I'd have brought a duck caller and used it at some great moment, like when they say, if anyone has objections speak now or forever hold your peace!!! Cost of the wedding: $30,000, Duck call? Priceless!