Tuesday, May 15, 2007

BOY OVERBOARD


So does anyone remember the opening scene from “Terms of Endearment” where Shirley McLane is convinced something is wrong with her child, who is fast asleep in her crib? She goes into the room and shakes the infant until it wakes up crying, and now reassured the child is still alive she says to herself "that’s better" and leaves the room?
This reminds the Waterbaby and I a lot of the behavior of the XMrs Bulletholes, bless her heart. Without her, the whole family would be in trouble. Big trouble.

My son Rippy, or Rip for short, has been able to walk since he was about 2 months old. You have never seen a child so quick to his feet, so quick to climb up the sheer face of a 10 Story Building, so quick to drive a car or lock himself into a room with another 3 year old girl to do a little smoochin’.
He has been sayin' 'I'm the Man" since he could talk.

When he was 3 months old, we took him to a July 4th Pool Party. I swear the lad could almost swim.
At some point during the party, the X-Mrs Bulletholes comes running to me her eyes like saucers, her hair stuck out like she's ridin' a Zephyr or Bustin' a Bronc' with one hand flailing, the ozone smell of Static Electricity in the air around her...
“Have you seen Rip? Rip is gone, he’s missing I can’t find him, OH GOD he must be drowned, he’s dead I can’t live without him; issue an 'Amber Alert"”

My own heart skips a beat, but when the X gets into this mode, one scarcely has time to process one barrage before the next one comes.

“Clear the Pool, we have to clear the Pool”....she is right in my face now, and has me with the flailing hand by the collar ‘Call the Fire Department , call the Police, call somebody , we need an Ambulance...why is the pool not cleared? and where is that Amber Alert”

The Party has stopped in midair and the Heavens and Earth have ceased all movement.
I clear my throat so that I can yell “Clear the Pool” but I am too slow...

“CLEAR THE POOL” she yells and looks at me like “why aren’t you doing anything”, but the fact of the matter is that there has only been about 5 seconds pass since she started this tirade and I am dumbstruck.
She is very, very intense.

She still has me by the collar, her eyes are spinning like crazy Kaleidoscopes and I am a little afraid she is going to smack me one with her other hand to clear my cobwebs when I notice...
She is cradling something in her other hand, and that something happens to be her lost son, Rip.

Honey, I think I found him...”
‘Where? Tell me where is my Child”
I point to her other arm where he is safely nestled, and fast asleep.
“Oh, Thank God” she says "You have to help me watch him"
AND SHE SMACKED ME ANYWAY, JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE!

You may think this is a story about Xmrs bulletholes, but it says more about Rip.

9 comments:

GEWELS said...

I'm sure you did something to deserve that smack- not that particular, maybe, but sometime.

I, too, would shake my child awake thinking he might have been dead- it's just what WE do!!

I see you've changed your age.

GrizzBabe said...

Someone give that woman a chill pill!

steve said...

griz, you need to undersrtand how much trouble we would be in if she weren't that way!

david santos said...

It places fhoto of Madeleine in your bloggue


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Akelamalu said...

Did she forget to wear her glasses or something????

Barbara said...

I'm starting to get the picture of Rip. I can't wait for the next installment of this story. Does he read your Blog?

kissyface said...

so what she is responding to is something that is bound to happen? that is a great story, and you wrote it so well. your son is gorgeous - guess he's a chip.

Mother of Invention said...

Wow! Life was pretty intense with her and I suppose your son was indeed a little ripper from the start so contributed to this tone. He is a mini-hunk!

Old Lady said...

I'm speechless