Thursday, May 10, 2007




I spent my last two years of High School mostly in the Parking Lot, or at the Lake and if I was still in class at 11:00 am it was some kind of miracle...or else there just was no Marijuana or LSD on Campus.

Somehow, in the Subjects I liked I managed to make A's without study or doing homework. I think this says less about my Intelligence and more about the Curriculum.
And with such a sorry curriculum (curriculae?), who could blame my disinterest?
While attending Summer School one year to make up for a botched Chemistry Class (Chemistry being the kind of class that requires both homework and study to pass) the Teacher was delighted to find that one of her students at Summer School could read.
Namely me.
She urged me to get into Drama or Speech class the next year which I did and in my Speech Class I really found my groove.
I was on the Debate team and also participated in UIL Original Oratory where I took my 8 minute Speech on American Indians to competition and won.
All of this was influence enough for me to consider the possibility of going to School to be a Lawyer. Back then it was Lawyers that changed the World.
I would be the one to "Legalize It".

I think it was while I was waiting to see the Dean of Men one morning thinking of how to explain why I had missed 100 classes out of the last 120, that I determined I might be more suited towards being a Chef, maybe even at the new Restaurant in New York, "Windows of the World" that sat atop the World Trade Center, or on a big Cruise Ship going to fabulous and exciting Ports of Call around the world.
Yes, that sounded more like me. I didn't think I could take another minute sitting at a desk.

‘The Dean will see you now”
I entered his office. Somehow, unbelievably, with all the classes I had cut over the last three years, I had never been here before.
I sat down and Mr. Potter looked over the tops of his glasses at me .
Bulletholes, I want you in class this next three weeks before you Graduate”
‘But Mr. Potter, I have been in class”
“Don’t give me any shit, Bullletholes, get your ass to Class”

Two and a half weeks later, my Journalism teacher, Mr. Washmon informed me that I had a 69 average, which was failing, and that I would not be able to graduate with that grade.
Of the several projects I had done in his class, he had not liked any of my work.
For the report about Walt Disney cartoons, I had chosen to do George Carlin’s routine on “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs On Drugs".
I got an “F”.
For the Advertising campaign, I had chosen a Monty Python routine and a Breakfast Cereal called “Froggy Crunch”.
Another “F’.
I mean this guy had “Zero”’ sense of humor.
And now the Chickens had come home to roost.
I said “How did you come up with a 69”
He said “Everything you have done, and its been precious little, I have given you an “F” on”
“So how the heck do you get a 69?, That seems a little high doesn’t it” I asked.
For the first time all year, Mr. Washmon grinned at me.
“Well, Steve, I grade on a curve”
That would explain it.

In a moment of clarity I said to Mr Washmon;
“Well 69 or 70, it really doesn’t make much difference does it because either way, I won’t be back next year.”
He looked at me with those little beady eyes, grinned again and bent over his ledger.
“No, I don’t suppose you will” and he changed my grade to a 70.

There was only one thing left to do. On the last day of School, when you turn in your books and clean out your locker, I had to go to the Office to find out what my Locker Number and Combination for the lock was.
Mrs. Rae just shook her head and made that "Clucking" sound.
I'll bet she gets one like me about every year.
I never looked back.

I did take two college courses while I was a Chef...Nutrition and Management 101 or something.
I think I might take some courses this Fall.
With my Acid days well behind me I might make a better Student.
I might even remember where they put my Locker!


GEWELS said...


And, are you lucky or what?

Barbara said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying. This is the text of a good movie -- sort of a Ferris Bueller type movie. Maybe you should have been a screenwriter.

It's not too late. Go take a course in creative writing and bring home an "A". I'm sure your daughter will be proud of you!

GrizzBabe said...

I think Barbara may be on to something. Creative writing may very well be your cup of tea.

steve said...

I'm just hopin' my kids don't see this one till after they graduate....
Barbara, you make me think of all the nice girls that wouldd save me whenI would wander into a class where we would be havng a test that day, and I would have to whisper to them "Can I borrow a Pen and a piece of paper" and they would just smile and and ask what color pen I might like.

Mother of Invention said...

You're too much! The teacher in me groans but the rest of me chuckles. You should have been in drama and done some screenplay writing. I still want to dress up as funny characters with you and just hack around having fun!

Annelisa said...

So, are you writing a book then, Steve? I'm sure you could write a good one... you definately have a flare for the creative, and conjuring up images are your forte! (How about you try the NaNoWriMo in November, and see what you come up with? I can imagine it would be fascinating reading!)

Loved the post, as always!