Monday, April 14, 2008



My latest Kitchen Nightmare….

I come in to work in my present position as an “Ops Specialist II” and the first thing I do is strip down to my Boxer /Briefs (yellow in fronT, brown in back) and sit down at my Computer.
In the next room is the Employee Cafeteria and if anyone wants something to eat, I will put my clothes back on, wash my hands, and fix it for them.
Then I will strip back down and start to work at the Computer again.
Something doesn’t seem right about working in my drawers but it is quite comfortable, just as it is right now, and I’m not one to complain about everything.

It is a busy day. In fact Corporate HDQ people are coming through the door. We don't get to see them very often, so this is a real treat.
I stand and greet each one with a warm handshake as they admire my physique.
The women are especially friendly today; I have been taking vitamins and my hair is fuller, or else my head has grown smaller.
Grown smaller?

The CEO of the company enters, I introduce myself and he asks if I might fix him some Breakfast.
’What would you like this morning?’ I inquire.
‘Biscuits” he says.
‘Biscuits it is” I snap back, trying to hide my disappointment.

You see, in the Kitchen there, we have everything. And we have a HUGE Freezer where the Bisquits are kept. It is so huge a river runs through it.
But I can NEVER, I mean NEVER find the damn Biscuits. It don’t matter how long I look.

I get my clothes on and go into the Freezer, knowing I am more likely to find Admiral Byrd or Peary or Daniel Webster in there than I am to find a single Biscuit.
I enter like I’m stepping into a time machine.
Its very cold, and even with my clothes on my balls start to draw up.
Shelves reach a mile high, filled with boxes. I cannot see the back wall, and the side walls run to the horizon.
Surely this Freezer was built by MC Escher.

But just on the other side (Of The River That Runs Through It) I find a box that says “Pillsbury”.
No Shit. How bout that?
I grab it and clutch it to my breast!
I make my way back across the Frozen Tundra, past Saint Alphonsos Pancake Breakfast, and just as I reach the door leading me back to the Kitchen and the CEO or whatever the hell this guy is, I look inside the box.

Damn….its Dinner Rolls!

To make a long dream short, I came up with every frozen Bread product that exists and never did find the Biscuits.


Dave Mows Grass said...

"Surely this Freezer was built by MC Escher."

I'm Speechless.

GEWELS said...

You're speechless? My mouth must be frozen from eating all of the frozen biscuits.

steve said...

Dave-That freezer by Escher was like a Sauna!
Gewels- Wanna Defrost?

Old Lady said...

How many days did it finally take for you to make the biscuits? That was a good frustration dream. Mine are like that, looking for something near yet ellusive. But, if I were you, I would get new boxers.

steve said...

i should know that My Foodservice friend would know how it ends...
In the dream I only wentr back into the depths of the freezer twice more...pulled Croissants and those 'Cloverleaf "rolls before deciding I would just go ahead and do 'em from scratch...woke up almost suffocating trying to eat my pillow.

GrizzBabe said...

Boxers? There's always something wacky that occurs in an otherwise explainable dream.

Barbara said...

And you didn't just whip up some biscuits from scratch?!

Mother of Invention said...

If that ain't just the way the cookie crumbles!!