Thursday, July 24, 2008


"Im counting on you Lord, please don't let me down"
j. joplin

"Yes I'm drunk but damn you're ugly
Tell you one thing yes I will
Tomorrow morning I'll be sober
You'll be just as ugly still"

While I was Pussyfootin' around with the two "Cockblockers", I also saw a girl that I THOUGHT I KNEW (scuse me) from a Sunday School class I attended a few times two years ago….but if it were her, she would have to have lost about 50 pounds and suddenly become quite foxy. The more I looked at her, the more I was sure it was her.
Of course Laura urges me to go and talk to her.
I approach her and say
“I don’t recall your name, but it seems to me you were in my Sunday school class a few years back.”
A blank stare and frown back at me.
"No" She says "I've never seen you"
"You do go to Sunday School ?" I offer.
'Y-y-Yes" she stammers back.
'Down at the Methodist Church on the corner?" I ask.
'How do you know that? She looks like she might run, or call for help, fearing for her safety

I can see that she thinks I am either trying to pick her up, or have been stalking her and plan to put her in my trunk someday...
I'm thinking if I can show that I know more about her it will put her at ease, and she will remember me.

" I don’t remember your name but you were in that Singles class and I saw you buying wine coolers at the store one time and you were embarrassed about that... and you sold Avon and you lived on Shady Lane and your house is for sale…and..."
Then I remember it all and I can't help it...
"your husband had left you and he not only left you but had become really mentally abusive and had really slammed you hard, and you were sad, and it was a real bad time for you, and you never smiled…"

It didn't work.
Apparently I am not as unforgetable and charming as I may think I am.
I can tell she not only thinks I am trying to be an ass but that maybe I know all this about her because I am the Devils Imp and she would rather I leave and so I move a little closer to her and whispered in my most caring and affectionate voice;
‘I just want you to know that compared to when I met you back then , you have become a very attractive and pretty young woman. I just think you should know that”
And I turned to walk away, but...

Well, that was what it took…she smiled…beamed…at me and I’ve never felt better about saying anything to anyone in my life. She said she had lost 80 pounds.
I didn’t mention to her that her Acne had cleared as well.
She came over and talked to me and Laura for a bit. I noticed also that when she was not making an effort to smile that her face would go into this semi permanent frown for a few seconds….I hope she loses that entirely.

And as I left, I interjected myself between her and some guy, looked him in the eye and said
"Its only out of respect for you that I don't ask for her number" and gave her a wink.
She beamed again.
When I left there I felt like the Green Knight, Galahad and Sir Lancelot all rolled into one.

After writing this post...I feel a bit like an asshole, putting so much on personal appearances.
But there it is.

Anyway, its always so nice to be able to say something nice, something true to somebody isn’t it?


Dave Mows Grass said...

Hey Steve, you're better off finding one who's face reverts to a semi-permanent laugh when she's not thinking about it. I sometimes catch myself laughing.

steve said...

no, she is not for some point during our conversation I asked if she were still in the "Singles" class...she said she was and I said:
'You ought to go with me to the "couples" class, we can see what thats all about"

She didn't quite "Get it" I don't think.
I thought it was pretty good.