Friday, June 05, 2009



Yeah, 9th Grade Church Camp, Russell takes me for a walk into the woods and produces a joint.
It was my first time, and the next thing I knew I was stoned, in a kayak, paddling into this stagnant abandoned swimming pool that was full of algae and frog eggs. It was thick as Lime Jello.
I got to the middle, looked up at the moon, and started a singin’ ‘Rocky Mountain High” at the top of my lungs.

When I got to the part that said
“And they say that he got crazy once and he tried to touch the sun”
I noticed my seat was wet.
When I got to the part that said
“You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply”
my kayak was ¾ sunk and listing badly.

I abandoned the kayak and began sludging my way through the algae, swimming for the shore and when I got to the edge, Andy pulled me out.
I lay on my back, laughing like crazy and finished with
“Friends around the campfire and everybody's High
and Andy looked down into my face and said
“You are SO stoned aren’t you?”

Church Camp was never the same after that.

Thanks to my pals Lily & Unremitting Failure


West Texas Insomniac said...

I never understood the people that said "I didn't feel ANYTHING my first time". My first "toke" was about the same age. My best friends' dad was a cop and we knew his folks "partied".

So we stole enough for 4-5 joints, went to a place in the country and BOTH smoked a joint, like a cigarette. I remember crawling around in the scrub brush, mesquite trees and cacti, laughing my arse off. For the next 5-6 years, EVERYTHING was centered around making sure we never ran out of grass.

Some thirty years later, I just remarked recently that I didn't want the time back that I spent high. I wanted all the time back we spent LOOKING for weed.

Legalities aside, I can't smoke anymore. Years ago it started knocking me out or making me paranoid. But it was fun while it lasted. tb

bulletholes said...

yeah, i quit when I was about 25....i figured out that if I got stoned before I went fishing, things didn't go so well. Knots didn't hold, trolling motor acted up, might not even be able to get the boat back on the trailer.
Of course, i was starting to have to manage people at work too, and it was hard to tell 40 people what to do all the time when you have a buzz on.

Water Baby said...

Ha ha... The first time I smoked pot I was at my best friend JP's house and they told me I didn't have to smoke. Rip liked it, I knew most of my family did and I ended up laying with my feet on the wall, upside down on the couch. "Hey Jp, do you guys have any raviolis?" I never got any raviolis...

Barbara said...

You are so funny... even if this isn't 100% true. But then again, it probably is.

Barbara said...

P.S. I have a joint hidden in my stationery box. I wonder if I will ever smoke it?

West Texas Insomniac said...

Barbara, that's funny.

I hadn't smoked or even been around it in 20 years or so. I had this fairly new g/f & she was going through my vinyl collection, (which are still in Peaches Records crates.) She wanted to know why all the double-albums had weed in the centerfold?

The KISS Alive II album had enough in it to probably get me arrested. LOL

Anonymous said...

Great church camp. What were the Bible lessons like?


Martijn said...

That's a really great anecdote. I'm sure if I got under hypnosis I could bring back some of those too. Oh, wait, they're comming back naturally... that time me and two friends broke into (climbed the fence) of the local swimming pool in mid-winter, to smoke in the great blue empty pool... that time we climbed on one of my friends roof to sit on it and I almost fell off... that time we smoked some on the bike and my friend laughed so hard his sunglasses fell off and he rode over them, breaking it into two pieces, causing us to laugh harder & harder till suffocation was a real possibility... and so on and so forth.

Fortunately for us, getting the stuff was no problem, as I'm sure everyone knows, that you can buy it on every street corner in Holland, although, lately, legislation has tightened somewhat and the 'coffee shops' closer than 250 meters (300 yards) from an elementary school or high school now have to close. And we grew it in our own back yards... man, I can still remember the 8 foot 'tree' one of my friends grew on top of an old rabbit coral... that must be some secret to the agricultural world, rabbit dung. This thing was like Jake & The Beanstalk! Kilo's!!!

But, as all things have an unhappy end, I got the same problem as West Texas Insomniac: "Years ago it started knocking me out or making me paranoid. But it was fun while it lasted." Thank got I'm no insomniac though... I sleep like a drunk baby.