So here comes Pam Paul at the Key's Lounge "Buddy Whittington and Rusty Burns Show", runnin' up to me, her eyes buggin' out like Roger Rabbit, cheeks bulging and clutching her throat. I figure that either she is jealous because I have brought a date and intends to strangle me, or else she might be choking. I quickly deduce that it must be the latter, as she has begun to turn a Smurfish blue.
"Pam, are you OK?"
She shakes her head no.
"Pam, are you choking?"
She shakes her head yes, vigorously.
'Pam, will you consent to me performing a Heimlich Maneuver, without the fear of lawsuit or litigation should this all end badly?"
She rolled her eyes and shook her head yes.
I hollered 'Someone dial 911" just to cover my bases because that's what they taught me in order to get my First Aid Merit Badge way back when.
I got behind Pam Paul and grabbed her up good with my arms around her, up under her breasts, bent her over a bit and I squeezed like all get out; I think the technical term is "Abdominal Thrusts"; and I could tell that first thrust didn't do no good, so I said:
"Are you ready for another one baby?"
and she shook her head and I give another abdominal thrust and I could tell that didn't do any good either 'cause nice soft little Pam Paul was still hard as a bicycle tube under that blouse and I was just about to give her another good abdominal thrust when I look up to see Snow White Miller standing there (she was wearing the most gorgeous arctic cream colored fuzzy fluffy sparkly deep fluffy turtle necked top that accentuated her pixie face and magnificent fluffy bust line, and ridin' pants tucked into some kinda knee boots like I never seen before, she's a real number, that Snow White Miller is) and she is looking at me all aghast like "What the hell are you doing to Pam Paul?" as though I am acting out a modern day "Rape of the Sabine Women" and I tried to get the guilty look off my face and said:
"Its not how it looks Snow, I promise"
and gave one last deep abominable thrust and *POOF* out came the Fajita Nacho Pam had swallered whole and Pam's body relaxed, began to deflate, her cute smile returned to her dimpled face, her color restored and she could breathe again.
She was back to lovely.
And that's how I came to save Pam Paul's life last night.
I was a Chef for 25 years, but this was the first time I ever did a Heimlich.
Pam came to me a little later and said "Ooooh, Steve, I'm still shaking" and I winked at her-
"Me too baby, I need a cigarette!"
"Pam, are you OK?"
She shakes her head no.
"Pam, are you choking?"
She shakes her head yes, vigorously.
'Pam, will you consent to me performing a Heimlich Maneuver, without the fear of lawsuit or litigation should this all end badly?"
She rolled her eyes and shook her head yes.
I hollered 'Someone dial 911" just to cover my bases because that's what they taught me in order to get my First Aid Merit Badge way back when.
I got behind Pam Paul and grabbed her up good with my arms around her, up under her breasts, bent her over a bit and I squeezed like all get out; I think the technical term is "Abdominal Thrusts"; and I could tell that first thrust didn't do no good, so I said:
"Are you ready for another one baby?"
and she shook her head and I give another abdominal thrust and I could tell that didn't do any good either 'cause nice soft little Pam Paul was still hard as a bicycle tube under that blouse and I was just about to give her another good abdominal thrust when I look up to see Snow White Miller standing there (she was wearing the most gorgeous arctic cream colored fuzzy fluffy sparkly deep fluffy turtle necked top that accentuated her pixie face and magnificent fluffy bust line, and ridin' pants tucked into some kinda knee boots like I never seen before, she's a real number, that Snow White Miller is) and she is looking at me all aghast like "What the hell are you doing to Pam Paul?" as though I am acting out a modern day "Rape of the Sabine Women" and I tried to get the guilty look off my face and said:
"Its not how it looks Snow, I promise"
and gave one last deep abominable thrust and *POOF* out came the Fajita Nacho Pam had swallered whole and Pam's body relaxed, began to deflate, her cute smile returned to her dimpled face, her color restored and she could breathe again.
She was back to lovely.
And that's how I came to save Pam Paul's life last night.
I was a Chef for 25 years, but this was the first time I ever did a Heimlich.
Pam came to me a little later and said "Ooooh, Steve, I'm still shaking" and I winked at her-
"Me too baby, I need a cigarette!"
5 comments:
That's an amazing story and a great song, too!
I was elevated to hero status. Still trying to live it down. Actually happened back before christmas...
The video...local boy Reverend Rusty Burns, got his start as Equipment Tech for ZZ Top, then formed Point Blank and now in addition to playng guitar he does a little preachin'.
buddy Whiitington, the guitarist that comes in second, I went to grade school and up with him. He was lead for John mayall and the Bluesbreakers from 1995 through 2008. You can catch him in Europe for the next several weeks. Here he is clowning around onstage with Mayall and Clapton. We are all very proud of him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwGL5LDb4u8&feature=player_embedded#at=36
That's another good song. I'll give you one back. Here's one of my favorites that I first heard in the film "The Pledge"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOskk0xlUG0
I know this song! Never knew what it was about, but they used to play it on the public radio station down here in the early 90's. Good song.
It makes me think of this because they used to play them together....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfkMrSNnLw
Then they would play a live version of Peter Gabriels 'Shakin' the Tree"...the three songs match up really well.
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