GOIN A-WHALIN'

  I'm so tired. I been so tired a long time. I used to pop up out of bed in the morning and feel like a million bucks.These days it takes a few minutes and a soak in the shower with my eyes shut before I get my legs under me. Then I feel like a million bucks, or at least I say I do because it helps. It really does help.

  I go in to work and I have the most boring job in the world these days. I'm almost catatonic when I leave. I get through it because its a job I cannot replace.
I'm too old to go a-whalin', too dumb to go to Harvard Law, and too young to retire.
And now I flunked my Testosterone Test. My doctor says that is why I'm so tired.

  What kills me is how old I'm starting to act. I come home in the evening and back-sass the weatherman on TV and feel good about that. I look forward to it. But a minute later I'll be sitting in my rocker, my head is rolling around because I am sound asleep, mouth wide open, with drool coming off my chin and down the front of my checkered shirt. I need a bib, or an attendant to wipe my face and roll me back into my room. I just about need a button to press to call the attendant.

  I have long conversations with friends about Health Care and what medicines we take.

  Now heres the capper. They replaced the Luby's Cafeteria around the corner with a new buffet called the Texas Firepit. But make no mistake...its still a Luby's and just the way Luby's was Great-Aunt Glesnal's favorite, the 'Pit has become my favorite place. I was there at 6:00 sharp 5 days in a row last week. I know half the waitresses by name now. I can walk to the Texas Firepit from my apartment. I wear my checked Bermuda shorts, striped polo shirt, white socks and loafers because I am old and crotchety and don't give a damn. Like grandpa, I've begun "dressing for comfort" either out of sheer laziness or complete ignorance - take your pick.

 If all that still doesn't make me old, this is a sure sign:
I've made friends with a table full of widow women down there.
They smile and wave to see me come in, and let me sit with them. I've even started dressing better when I go.
I can't wait to get there tonight.