We turned to Eastern Medicine once upon a time. We had a wicked combination of holiosis and dingivitis. The Dr. took one look at us, twirled his mustache and put his shirt back on. When an Eastern Medical Dr. puts his shirt on, you can be sure its serious.
“Meestair Reenflo, we want you to burn incense all day. Do you have a Neti Pot? You will also need to change elephants. Here is a number for a good used elephant salesman. He will give you top dollar for the old one”
“But Doc, I don’t have an elephant” I pleaded.
“Well, how is it you get to work?” he asked.
“I have a Hyundai”
“Oh, that’s bad, velly velly bad. I want you to go for blood tests. You may have compacted car bowel syndrome”
So he sent me to Dr Shakeyerbootie, a pretty Dr. who did not put her shirt back on. This was encouraging. She drew blood and asked:“Meestair Reenfro, what have you been eating?”
“Why Doc?”
‘Because your blood, eets the wrong color!”
“What color is it doc?”
“Its pink, and CREAMY!”
This did not surprise us. Just the day before we had eaten a gallon of Bluebell French Vanilla. We decided to not say word, and simply shrug our shoulders. That way we could remain the medical mystery that we are.
Recently, we tried the holistic approach. Like you, we were skeptical at first.
We found that rumors that holistic approaches such as Leech Therapy, Blood Letting and Reverse Colonics were in fact not holistic at all, but techniques brought back into use in modern medical hospitals as part and parcel of the Obamacare nightmare, designed to lower costs and ruin the country.
If we had read the bill we would have already known this.
So, armed with this new information we decided to follow in the footsteps of others who this approach had worked for, people like Dennis Rodman, Adolph Hitler and Britney Spears.
And we did well for a week until our doctor told us "No more Arby's"
That, my friend, was a deal killer.
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