I CAN DRIVE AND CLEAN THE BACKSEAT AT THE SAME TIME

Back in my using days...
A friend was really worried about me one night. They took me to the ER.
At the ER they sent me to the psych ward to talk with a Dr.
He asked me if I used any dope.
“Yes sir:” I figured I’d be honest.
“What does that do for you?” he asked.
“It makes me laugh, makes me funny. I’m like a comedian when I’m high”
"So you are a comedian" he says, and marks something down on his chart.
“Do you ever do anything dangerous when youre high?” He asked.
“Like what?”
“Like drive.”
“Sure doc, but that’s not really dangerous is it?”
“You don’t think driving under the influence is dangerous?” he asked.
I thought about it a minute.
“Well, doc, the stuff I use is the same thing they give fighter pilots”
I thought I had him there but he didn’t even flinch.
“Oh, so you are a fighter pilot now?” he said, and wrote something down in his chart.

Fact is I'm way funnier now that I'm sober. 
And a better driver.