Wednesday, March 11, 2015


When I was in the 3rd grade we had a big mural going in the classroom. It was Mrs. Grahams class, one of my all-time favorite teachers. Everyone got to put something on it. My contribution was a turtle with wings, which I labeled “Turd” in big letters, right underneath. 

Mrs. Graham was not pleased. 
“Where did you learn that word?” she asked. 
“I made it up” I lied. 
“How would you make up a word like that?” she asked.
“Well, its half bird and half turtle. Turd” I said. 
“Don’t say that word” she said, and frog marched me down to the principals office, where to his disbelief, I recounted my story while he rubbed his chin. 
My mother was called to the school. I stuck to my story. It seemed legit enough. I think maybe I was a better liar back then than I am now. Back then my conscience was a bit cleaner.
But I will never forget the look of incredulity on all their faces. 

Of course, the truth was I had learned the word from the big kid down the street, Johnny Miller. 
The point to the story (if there is a point) is that I never once tried to claim the Right to Free Speech.


soubriquet said...

I am shocked, deeply shocked by your revelation.
You disappoint me.
It is un-american not to claim the right to free speech. I'll bet you neglect your absolute right to brandish weapons too.

Bulletholes said...

I've never needed a weapon. I cant help it if people like me.