Thursday, December 04, 2008

THE 27 DAYS OF INTERNET

I have been trying to get Internet at home.
That is to say, I ordered it.
Apparently, it is not like ordering up a Pizza.
So I wrote this song.
Fa-la-la-la-la-Humbug!


27 DAYS OF INTERNET
On the first day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“The Installation will be free and starts today”

On the second day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Your Service will begin on Monday”

On the third day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Well, maybe tomorrow in the evening”

On the fourth day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“A $50 one Time Fee is not an Install Fee. No, Mr. Renfro, its simply a One Time Fee”

On the fifth day of Internet AT&T said to me…I mean, I said to them
“YOU MOTHER-F*CKERS!” but I had no idea we were just getting started.

On the sixth day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“The Self Install Kit is Pending Shipping”

On the SEVENTH day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We apologize for that Mr. Renfro; we never received your order, though I do show a $100 Payment and a One Time Fee of $50.”

On the Eighth day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Our technician will be out today for your phone line”

On the ninth day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Our technician will be out tomorrow for your phone line”

On the tenth day of Internet AT&T said to me…
‘Your Phone line is fine. We will need to go into the Apartment. How much? About $100.”

On the 11th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We apologize for that. No, we don’t know why your phone is working before we had a chance to fix it…Yes, a miracle Mr. Renfro!”

On the 12th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We apologize for that. No, we can’t actually charge you until you get service, at least in theory.”

On the 13th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Oh, you wanted Internet too?

On the 14th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Its scheduled for next Thursday. We will send you the Self-Install Kit…yes, the one someone told you we’d be sending 11 days ago. We apologize for that.”

On the 15th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We apologize for that. No, you can’t cancel and get your $150 back…”

On the 16th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“That right Mr. Renfro, your deposit is really a payment and can’t be refunded as such. No, we are not cramming yu Mr. Renfro, it just feels that way”

On the 17th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Yes, someone is writing all this down”

On the 18th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“No we can’t confirm your order.”

On the 19th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“No, there is no such thing as a Self-Install Kit. We will send you the Install kit, which includes the Modem for $50.”

On the 20th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We apologize for that, and we are sending you a $50 Gift Card as soon as you pay your first bill. Now, what is that billing Address?”

On the 21st day of Internet AT&T said to me…
No, we can’t confirm your order. Your order is pending, and will be pending until we confirm the install.”

On the 22nd day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Thank you. We don’t know. We apologize”

On the 23rd day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Yes, if the Red light is blinking it means the Internet has not been installed or is pending activation”

On the 24th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“Look at it again tomorrow morning. Maybe it will stop blinking tonight. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

On the 25th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
“We show your order is pending and will be installed by 8PM today.”

On the 26th day of Internet AT&T said to me…
How many? Let me see….yes thats right Mr. Renfro, you ordered Internet Service and a Phone 26 Days ago. We apologize for the delay.”

On the 27th day of Internet AT&T said to me…“Hmmm…there has been some difficulty getting your pending order activated. I’m taking $5 off your bill right now…Yes, you do have a bill even though you don’t have service.
Thank you for choosing AT&T."

16 comments:

laughingattheslut said...

A few years ago we moved. We stayed in the same place, just moved into a bigger unit. We moved like around the corner and five or six houses down. We told the phone and internet people we were moving and all of that. Everything was supposed to be fine, and we were told which day the service would switch from the old address to the new address.

And the internet didn't work at the new place. And we complained about it, on the phone, which worked just fine. So it wasn't like they were confused on which day to switch service, because the phone was working at the new place, and not the old place, and the internet was not working at the old place either.

After a few days we got the right phone number to talk to the right person, who told us that we were so many yards away from the hub, and that the internet wouldn't work at the new place until they built a new hub, which they weren't going to do for free for one customer. We live near a lot of old people who don't care too much about the internet, so they probably didn't have a lot of other customers that were so many yards away from the hub or whatever.

Okay, we'll have to get our internet service from the cable company.

We get our monthly bill, after we haven't had service that month, cause we were so many yards away from the hub. We called to say that we weren't paying the internet bill since we had not received internet service. And they did not know when we had cancelled the service, etc.... But they did finally figure out that we weren't going to pay for the internet service that we hadn't received and they wrote canceled service someplace and all of that.


Getting the cable guys to come out and install the cable for internet was a whole other mess.

laughingattheslut said...

There was this old lady on Dr. Phil who had her phone disconnected while the cable people did something to it. She couldn't call her doctor or 911 or anything, and the cable people were telling her that they couldn't fix it until Monday or some such thing. And they're old people who have had heart attacks and such, and they just can't do without the phone and 911 service and such for any amount of time, much less wait until Monday.

So she went to the cable company office and explained, but still didn't get any help. So she took a hammer to their phone and keyboard. If she didn't have a phone and internet service, then they couldn't have it either.

cornbread hell said...

hilarious. (easy for me to say...)

Barbara said...

It really shouldn't be so hard. Maybe you should whip out some variation of "a little early for all that anger"? :)

Be a demanding customer, especially since you are paying WITHOUT SERVICE!

banquet manager said...

You're a poet and don't even know it!
Great job Mr. Bullet.

Dave Mows Grass said...

It seems this song is not yet fully written.

Anonymous said...

your bloggs are great sorry about the hassel if you want action just ask for the disconect office!

bulletholes said...

laffin- i'm hearing a lot of horror stories about att these days.
Cornbread- yeah, it has reched comical proportions, Gotta keep on smilin'.
barb- I have been breathing fire through the phone line. it doesn't really help. i haven't paid for service, I've just been charged for service. There is a way out of this, and I might take it. The problem seems to be in the presentation by their associates and representatives, not so much with the actual service and billing procedure.

Banq- This was fun!
Davy- I have three new verses already!

Anon- Starting last week, I found the disconnect department and they have been doing pretty good at trying to make things right...
but there is still a bit of a disconnect in the disconnect deppartment.
Hey, thats a whole nother song!

Squirrel said...

Funny song-- except when you lived it!

red dirt mule said...

only 27 days ???

you must have a magic touch .... i made my at&t call on Nov. 24 - both my cable AND internet service personal technician won't be available until December 30 ....

i wonder what they meant by personal technician ......?

I've gotta figure he's a REAL popular kinda guy.

At the moment i'm using my verizon usb card which manages to kick me to the land of the no connection curb every 5 minutes or so.

sigh.

my kids really, really hate me right now.

red dirt mule said...

only 27 days ???

you must have a magic touch .... i made my at&t call on Nov. 24 - both my cable AND internet service personal technician won't be available until December 30 ....

i wonder what they meant by personal technician ......?

I've gotta figure he's a REAL popular kinda guy.

At the moment i'm using my verizon usb card which manages to kick me to the land of the no connection curb every 5 minutes or so.

sigh.

my kids really, really hate me right now.

red dirt mule said...

you see? i'm the pariah of technology these days - i'm double, triple, quadruple commenting these days ....

better head back to the pharmacy ...

red dirt mule said...

oh. i forgot to add "these days" to the end of the pharmacy line ...

GEWELS said...

Leave it to you to turn a frustrating experience into a hilarious post.
You're the best Steve.

I;ve had my own internet challenges these days but they seem to have been resolved much quicker than this.

Anonymous said...

Good Greif. Customer service these days.

Anyhoo-- something like this happened to a friend in town-- go to www.thecrayonyears.blogspot.com and on his search bar type at&t. There's like 4 posts -- they really show the ridiculousness (is that a word?) of at&t.

Munchkin

Anonymous said...

Miss Fussy Britches says: I did not have one bit of problem getting the modem nor the connection one bit. Got a rebate and everything went smoothly. You had a bad time I am sorry. AT&T and (Southwestern Bell) have always been no problem for me. Lucky me huh???