Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Yeah, Hospital Gowns!
For those of you unfamiliar, I can sum it up for you pretty easy.
Just imagine Superman standing before you, with that big barrel chest of his and those biceps and all that testosterone, and that little ducktailed hairdo.
Now strip him down to nuthin’ till he’s bare beamed and buck naked.
Now, give him his Cape. He can wear his cape, but he must wear it backwards.
His whole ass, his love handles, that big wart on his left shoulder blade, even his hairy asshole are duly exposed.
You don’t need Kryptonite to defeat Superman…just put him in a Hospital Gown!

I took to wandering the halls one night in mine.
Betty Boop, one of the buxom Nurses, asked if I was supposed to be up. I said
“yeah…..noooo…well….probably not” and she just laughed.
So I said in my sexiest Barry White voice:
“Why don’t you show me the Fire Exits, you know, just in case one of us bursts into flames?”
“Are you trying to get me into a stairwell?” She says.
“Isn’t that what they do on Greys Anatomy?” says I.
“I don’t watch Greys Anatomy” says she.
It was at this point I figured I better just mind my manners.
“Neither do I. When are ya’ll gonna put my name on the door?” I ask.
“You don’t want to stay here that long, do you?’ she answers.
“No, no, I don't guess so” and I went back to my room.

The next morning, up and walking around again in my backwards Superman Cape, Prince Andrew the male nurse comes to me.
“Hey boyfriend” he whispers ”Everybody can see that cute little butt of yours. Why don’t you let me fix that for you?”
“That’s Okay” says I “doesn’t bother me a bit”
“Oh, I know it doesn’t bother you hon, but the whole floor is in a tither” then he adds with a really disturbing smile “Especially me!”
We just laughed and laughed.
So I say “ OK, I’ll go back to my room and we’ll do it”- meaning “fix my gown"- only in a flirty kinda way.
Yes, I can flirt Gay if I have to.
But Prince Andrew is pretty sharp.
“Oh no, boyfriend, we'll do it on the Stairwell!
I nearly choked.
“Have you been talkin’ to Betty Boop?”
He smiled and give me a wink.
We fixed my gown.
In my room.


Dave Mows Grass said...

To Steve's regular readers who think you know him, you probably do. He lays it out just how it is. What you might not know is just HOW loud he talks and HOW hard he laughs. You almost need to experience it in person to believe it. Anyway, I can assure you that these conversations did occur just as Steve described them and that everyone in the entire ward, sleeping or not, heard them.

Hey Steve, how could someone with a butt crack like that not make it in the tile business?

leslie said...

I don't mean to wish you ill, but you should visit the hospital more often...for material to write about...you know what I mean. Don't give me that look. This is funny stuff.

I can't stop laughing..."just in case one of us bursts into flames”

How ya feelin', by the way?
No. Don't say with your hands.

Gawd you're funny even when I'm writing to you.

Angela said...

You sure you`re not gay? That conversation sounds pretty flirty to ME! An X wife is no excuse. One of my old neighbours left his wife for his new boyfriend (maybe a hospital nurse??)

bulletholes said...

For $20,000 I better have something to write about.

bulletholes said...

Angel. No.
But I'll do anything for a joke

laughingattheslut said...

When you get done with the jokes, are you ever going to tell us what happened to get you into the hospital in the first place?

Lily said...

So which is it, a lumpy, warty, hairy back view or a tither-inducing beautiful butt? Your readers need to know.

GrizzBabe said...

Oh, I'm sure you were the hoot of the hospital, just like you're the hoot of the blog world! I bet they hated to see you go.

Barbara said...

Sounds like you livened up the place a bit! Glad you got out. How are you treating your diabetes?

Minx said...

With yer wanton flirty ways I am surprised they kept you in! Oh,yes, forgot that you have to pay to flirt with nurses over there!
Nurses over here look mostly like The Terminator on steroids - lucky escape, Bullets.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

hahaha! You should have been casted as one of the dancing Henry's in the film "Something's Gotta Give" with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. Hilarous!

sexy said...