Tuesday, May 10, 2011


We didn't become addicted in one day, nosirree, and I didn't get to be a slob overnight either. See this belly? Looks like I'm smuggling a watermelon- I know. You wouldn't know it looking at me but I used to be pretty! See this here arm muscle, or whats left of it? Yessir, I was wiry, I was tight, I was hell on wheels letmetellyouwhat.

But the doctor has been on my ass for a year to do some walking and I keep shinin' him on telling him things like I don't care to walk, or that sometimes I walk (but I don't, I haven't walked any further than the couch to the refrigerator sinceIcan'trememberwhen) but you should see me dance doc, when I dance I fly and he says whens the last time you danced Steve and I tell him infactitsbeenawhile.

But I know the doc is right, I need to walk, 30 minutes a day the man said, he even tried to con me by saying just 3 days a week, and we finally struck a bargain at 15 minutes 3 days a week. Just as we say at my group, that the true measure of our recovery is in the daily maintenance of our spiritual condition; so it may well be the same, that the true measure of how big a fat slob I am may be in the daily maintenance of my physical fitness.

I remember when I first tried to quit the dope, and I had to go to 3 meetings a week, and I had to go to counseling once a week, and I had to go to court twice a month and it all seemed such a pain in the butt. Then after a little while it got to be right pleasant, and I would walk downtown for a meeting and stop at the Art Cafe for a Ham Croissant, and I would line up the cashier and the waitress and the cook and the three customers sitting there and I would recite my 12 Steps to them. I think they looked forward to seeing me they did.

And all my knucklehead dope buddies at court, I couldn't wait to see them every other week, and always hoped that none of them were going to get violated that night and drugawayinchainslikeacommoncriminal.

And now I got like 1000 days clean and sober and I don't do that so much anymore, you know, go into restaurants and recite the 12 Steps. And dear Judge Whatsherface she doesn't even need to know who I am anymore because I am a recovering fat slob of an addict, eager to carry the message that anyone can quit using drugs, lose the desire to use and findanewwaytolive.

But I know I'm a slob and I need to walk like the ol doc says, because after 6 weeks of not walking the way I said I would, I finally walked around the block.
It liked to kill me.
Not because it was so boring (which it was) but because it was so hard, it was so hard and I could feel my buttmuscles and it was not a good feel, it was a burn. But I am going to do it one day at a time, just the way I learned to do everything else, and maybe pretty soon its going to be fun, getting healthy that is, and I'll have bunsofsteel and my buttmuscleswontburn.



Kim said...

I thought you rode your bike to work every day. Doesn't that count?
I could make you a steely dan playlist for your iPod. The walktime would fly by!

GrizzBabe said...

Here's to non burning butt muscles!

bulletholes said...

No, I have not been on my bike in a long time.

Hi Grizzbabe!

Lily said...

You can do it! I'm a recovering fat slob myself - currently at 4 months maintaining a 42 pound weight loss - took me a year to get there but there I got and there I'm staying. Walk tall, bullets!

bulletholes said...

Wow Lily, thats great!