NO GUTS, NO GLORY

I did a post a while back (see “Staff Sgt. Renfro”) and mentioned an old girlfriend, Jeri. This is the story of how she came to get shed of me.
It was at her 16th Birthday Party, held at her parents house, that we met our end. In attendance were several of her friends, but mostly it was relatives and cousins. Of course her parents were there and I thought they were pretty cool compared to mine.
At some point in the evening it was announced there would be a game and 3 volunteers were needed. Of course I was one of the volunteers along with two other fellows. The “Game” was to be played as such;
Brown paper bags were placed on and over each contestants head rendering them blind and in the dark. It was then announced that each contestant was to remove the last thing they put on that day. Some of you, I am sure, are familiar with this game. I was not.
I took off my shoes.
We were then instructed to take off the next item we had put on that day.
I took off my socks.
There was a spattering of nervous laughter and I could sense that my fellow contestants lacked the nerve and were now dropping out. I was instructed to remove the next last thing I had put on that day.
I took off my shirt.
The laughter is becoming more raucous now and I sense that the younger attendees are being ushered to another room. I can especially hear Jeri’s Mother.

It was about then that I realized the object of this game was for me to take off the Brown Paper Bag, it being the last thing I put on that day!
I had reached a cusp and the Gauntlet had definitely been thrown...I could either remove the bag or continue to play chicken with the audience. The room is fairly howling now and through laughter I hear some one say ..
"NOW...(snickering)...TAKE OFF THE (hmm) LAST THING YOU PUT ON TODAY...."

You know I did...
I took off my pants.
The room erupts as I am left standing there in my Fruit of the Looms with a bag over my head.
It was a long moment before Jeri snatched the bag off of my head whispering angrily
“YOU STUPID SON-OF –A –BITCH”
and handed me my pants.
I looked over to Jeri’s mom who through tears of laughter says to me
“You are quite a little character aren’t you!”


Well that was about it for Jeri and I but I want you to know that the rest of the family just about adopted me. They were always a lot of fun to be around.