Saturday, October 14, 2006


Last week I wrote about a bit of an adventure ( see "I lIKE MY SUGAR SWEET") I took at a local Bar. I received many conciliatory comments concerning treatment I received fom a lady there. While I am apreciative of such comments it is only fair that I point in defense of this lady that we do not know to what lengths she had been badgered before she ran into me. I am sure that a lady tires of "cock-blocking" and some of the attempts suitors may try are probably quite absurd. While she was in no danger that I would try to inflict myself upon her, there are probably more than a few mullets willing to try the WarnerBrothers- Loony Tunes cartoon pick-up approach that I so poorly presented.
Even when I was younger, faster and better looking I never considered myself enough of a cocksman to walk into a Bar and exit with a young lady on my arm with horizontal refreshments being our next stop. Not that it did not happen on occasion but this was certainly the 100 to 1 shot. In all honesty, I never left a bar for that reason with a gal I didn't already know.
I just don't warm up that quick.
I had several musician friends that I would go to see a various clubs. None were famous, although Buddy has been the Lead Guitarist for no less than John Mayall, ten years now.
Just local guys mostly, doing covers, and a lot of times I would help them break down and load up at the end of the night. I went for the music and the friendship.
I knew most of the regulars at two of the bars, but mostly from a distance.
A lot of the Musician's friends had become my friends as well.
Fifteen years ago, I began to notice a bit of a trend.
Invariably, I would be approached by a girl that would introduce herself by saying:
" Why is it that a when a guy finds out that he is not going to take you home he does not want to talk to you anymore?"
I'm just a regular lookin' didn't happen often...the recurring introductory statement was very odd...
Over the period of three years I guess it happened 5 times.
I guess it was the second instance that I fell into my comeback line:

"Maybe you would have better luck at Church".

I never actually got my face slapped but I wasn't winning any friends either. Nobody seemed to find the humor in it, and they would move on, looking for a more sympathetic ear, I suppose.
I liked it, though; I thought it was hilarious and quite insightful and very good advice.
One night a fairly pretty young lady approached me.

"Why is it that when a guy finds out you aren't going home with him , he doesn't want to talk to you anymore?"
"Maybe you would have better luck at Church"

She looked at me kind of quizzingly for a moment and began to laugh; a real laugh, right from the gut.
'Oh, thats funny" she says 'is that like supposed to be a joke?"
I told her that yes, it was supposed to be a joke and that I was glad she didn't take it personal and that for some time I had had women approach me with the remark that she had made.
I asked her if finding a guy that didn't want to take her home was really her goal.
She laughed again!
I've said before that I generally don't warm up to people that quick, but here was someone that was not immediatly offended. She even seemed to think, as I did, that this slightly rude remark had a certain wit to it.
So we talked for a while and she seemed OK.....
I even began to warm up to her a little bit....
She kept laughing at most of my jokes...
After 20 minutes I still had not run her off...
Even dancing with her did not run her off. In fact, before too long, as she was rubbing herself up against my thigh, I began to get the picture that if I so wanted, I would be able to take this girl home.
A bit of a paradox, no?

I excused myself for a moment and went to the mens room. On the way back I saw two friends, Nancy and Jo; I thought I might ask them about my new friend Julie and met them at one end of the Bar. Nancy and Jo knew everybody.
We exchanged the usual greetings ; I had known them for years.
"Hey, I just met this girl Julie. Do ya'll know her?"
"Who?" asks Nancy
"Julie" I say and point her out. 'She seems just real nice"
'Oh God, Steve, no, no, NO!" says Jo and she and Nancy suddenly develop a case of the giggles.
They are, like, rolling their eyes and clutching each other.
"Why not?" I ask, the picture of innocence, and a little disappointed.
Both at once say to me "BECAUSE SHE IS JUST A SLUT!"

(to be continued)


GrizzBabe said...

Wow, you must have been really turned off by her. Most men, when having it thrown at them like that, find it hard to resist.

Mother of Invention said...

There's gotta be a better place to meet people who are serious about meeting a new long-term partner. Everything about those places and pick-up lines etc. is a joke usually. Don't know what I'd do to meet someone were I in that position...probably through a friend.

Mistress Regina said...

An interesting story you have to share. Do you have any other stories, for me?

kissyface said...

Well, I like to think I would have laughed at your response, because it's true. But you never would have told it to me, because I wouldn't have asked a question with such an obvious answer (not your answer). A guy looking to get laid is going to cut his losses, and try a new, er, (hopefully) willing victim.

And anyone looking for love in a bar is crazy. not that it never happens, but come on.

i love what you said about her actual goal. touché, steve.

i'm not sure I like those girls' responses, but i will withhold judgement until you tell the rest.

steve said...

Grizz, I spent quite some time tweeking this post because of your was pretty poorly written. If you come back, try it now...


Ms. Regina- Are you asking for a demonstration?

Barbara said...

Can't wait for the next installment!