"YOU CAN DRINK IT, OR YOU CAN NURSE IT..."

Last week I wrote about a bit of an adventure ( see "I lIKE MY SUGAR SWEET") I took at a local Bar. I received many conciliatory comments concerning treatment I received fom a lady there. While I am apreciative of such comments it is only fair that I point in defense of this lady that we do not know to what lengths she had been badgered before she ran into me. I am sure that a lady tires of "cock-blocking" and some of the attempts suitors may try are probably quite absurd. While she was in no danger that I would try to inflict myself upon her, there are probably more than a few mullets willing to try the WarnerBrothers- Loony Tunes cartoon pick-up approach that I so poorly presented.
Even when I was younger, faster and better looking I never considered myself enough of a cocksman to walk into a Bar and exit with a young lady on my arm with horizontal refreshments being our next stop. Not that it did not happen on occasion but this was certainly the 100 to 1 shot. In all honesty, I never left a bar for that reason with a gal I didn't already know.
I just don't warm up that quick.
I had several musician friends that I would go to see a various clubs. None were famous, although Buddy has been the Lead Guitarist for no less than John Mayall, ten years now.
http://www.johnmayall.com/buddy.html
Just local guys mostly, doing covers, and a lot of times I would help them break down and load up at the end of the night. I went for the music and the friendship.
I knew most of the regulars at two of the bars, but mostly from a distance.
A lot of the Musician's friends had become my friends as well.
Fifteen years ago, I began to notice a bit of a trend.
Invariably, I would be approached by a girl that would introduce herself by saying:
" Why is it that a when a guy finds out that he is not going to take you home he does not want to talk to you anymore?"
I'm just a regular lookin' guy...it didn't happen often...the recurring introductory statement was very odd...
Over the period of three years I guess it happened 5 times.
I guess it was the second instance that I fell into my comeback line:

"Maybe you would have better luck at Church".

I never actually got my face slapped but I wasn't winning any friends either. Nobody seemed to find the humor in it, and they would move on, looking for a more sympathetic ear, I suppose.
I liked it, though; I thought it was hilarious and quite insightful and very good advice.
One night a fairly pretty young lady approached me.

"Why is it that when a guy finds out you aren't going home with him , he doesn't want to talk to you anymore?"
"Maybe you would have better luck at Church"

She looked at me kind of quizzingly for a moment and began to laugh; a real laugh, right from the gut.
'Oh, thats funny" she says 'is that like supposed to be a joke?"
I told her that yes, it was supposed to be a joke and that I was glad she didn't take it personal and that for some time I had had women approach me with the remark that she had made.
I asked her if finding a guy that didn't want to take her home was really her goal.
She laughed again!
I've said before that I generally don't warm up to people that quick, but here was someone that was not immediatly offended. She even seemed to think, as I did, that this slightly rude remark had a certain wit to it.
So we talked for a while and she seemed OK.....
I even began to warm up to her a little bit....
She kept laughing at most of my jokes...
After 20 minutes I still had not run her off...
Even dancing with her did not run her off. In fact, before too long, as she was rubbing herself up against my thigh, I began to get the picture that if I so wanted, I would be able to take this girl home.
A bit of a paradox, no?

I excused myself for a moment and went to the mens room. On the way back I saw two friends, Nancy and Jo; I thought I might ask them about my new friend Julie and met them at one end of the Bar. Nancy and Jo knew everybody.
We exchanged the usual greetings ; I had known them for years.
"Hey, I just met this girl Julie. Do ya'll know her?"
"Who?" asks Nancy
"Julie" I say and point her out. 'She seems just real nice"
'Oh God, Steve, no, no, NO!" says Jo and she and Nancy suddenly develop a case of the giggles.
They are, like, rolling their eyes and clutching each other.
"Why not?" I ask, the picture of innocence, and a little disappointed.
Both at once say to me "BECAUSE SHE IS JUST A SLUT!"



(to be continued)