Monday, May 07, 2012


I played this fun game over at Nita’s place last week. Heres what you do:

Take your resume’ and go online to one of these translator sites. Translate your resume' into Chinese. Then take the Chinese version and translate it into Russian. Take the Russian version, and wash it back through into English!
You wouldn’t believe how it comes out!
There is a line in my original resume’ from 25 years ago that goes like this:
“Serious about task, people oriented with an outstanding sense of humor”
The ExMrs Bulletholes she never did like that line, but I always thought it was great.
When I wash it through the translator, it comes out like this:
“Friendly businessman and big time funny guy”

So you want to know what it was that dope did to me? I knew it long before I ever quit doing dope. Dope took away my personality. It made me neither happy nor sad. It made a usually friendly guy into someone that had nothing to say to his friends. There was no way I could ever meet and make a new friend. Why would I want to? I already felt so good inside from the dope I didn’t really have to do anything else but sit there like a big lump of feel good, just a big flesh-sack of chemically induced endorphins.

There was even a funny little thing that would trigger me to using dope. I was even aware of it. I might go a couple weeks without any dope, not because I was trying to quit, but because I was out of money, or I was too tired to go get some, or I was just letting my nervous system recover from my last go. And one day I would walk into a store, and I’d smile and joke with the cashier, or the people in line, and they would all laugh and I’d say please and thank you and generally be the friendly businessman and ig time funny guy that I was meant to be, and I’d walk out of the store and realize I could no longer stand being me and decide it was time to go get some dope so I would just shut up and start minding my own business again.
And that’s what I would do.
Did it just like that for years.

And when I finally came to Narcotics Anonymous, and got a couple months clean under my belt and started getting my personality back and being friendly and funny, people would say “Oh, you must have been a blast to get high with” and I’d tell them “No, its just not true”, because once I got high I couldn’t wait to get away from people, and get back to my little apartment and sit there like Gollum with my precious.

My precious.

You know, it funny that when you lose your personality and start to get it back, its really not easy. Its hard sometimes to be me. It takes a little getting used to, being friendly and polite and looking people in the eye and saying ”Hello” and “Please”, “Thank You” and “You're welcome”.
But once you do, get used to it again that is, it’s also very nice to be a “Friendly businessman and big time funny guy”.

Anyway, this is what I shared at a meeting yesterday, and maybe you have to be an addict to really relate (many of us have experienced this same thing I have described) but I thought it was worth writing down.
Worth writing down in English.


SL said...

So true, and so very happy to have friendly, big time funny guy with us! Great post Bulletholes!

red dirt girl said...

beautiful, cowboy. really beautiful.


AnitaNH said...

Steve, I was thinking about your post last night and had an amazing dream:

bulletholes said...

Thats great Nita!