ROUGH SEX & WELFARE CHECKS

Linda, I remember the night I came to see you after work. It was 1 or 2 in the morning, and I got to your apartment door and started to knock. But before my fist hit the wood, I heard a “Yelp” come from the other side of the door.

I paused.
Then came another “Yelp” only louder, and another and another. It sounded like you. And then you started in with the “Ohs”. Like “Oh-Oh-Ohhhh!”
Then comes a “Yelp-Whoo-Oh-oh-OOHHH!” and I thought to myself “Linda is in there having some kind of sex” and I started to leave.
But then the slapping started.
“SLAP! SLAP!SLAP!” then “Oh-Oh-oh” back to “SLAP” then “YELP” “SLAP” “Ohhh-Oh-Oh”

And I thought, “OK Linda is either getting beat up or she is having some kind of rough sex” and there was really only one thing to do.
I knocked on the door.
And the slapping and moaning stopped, but just for a minute.
“SLAP! SLAP!SLAP!”
“Oh-Oh-oh-YELP-“Oh-Oh-oh”
SLAP “YELP” SLAP “Oh-Oh-Ohhh”

And I thought to myself "Someone is in there making mad violent love to Linda", but there was still the possibility that she might be in trouble.
So I knocked again, a little louder.
A moment of silence, and again:
“SLAP! SLAP!SLAP!”
“Oh-Oh-oh-YELP-“Oh-Oh-oh”
SLAP “YELP” SLAP “Oh-Oh-Ohhh”
And then it sounded like a table got knocked over, and the sound of breaking glass,and there was more slapping and moaning and I really didnt have a choice now.

I went to a pay phone and called the cops, who came to your apartment and beat on your door with flashlights until you answered, only to find out you had headphones on, listening to Billy Idol or something, and you were dancing and clapping and whooping it up all by yourself in your apartment at 2 O’clock in the morning!

I'll never forget, as I waited at the pay phone for the cops to report to me, and when they came they said everything is OK, and Linda says you can come up if you want.



Happy Birthday Linda!