Thursday, August 28, 2008

I TOOK MY POTATOES DOWN TO BE MASHED

OLD CHEFS DREAm #116
I am quite sure that DAVE MOWS GRASS and UNREMITTING FAILURE are completely responsible for this dream. With most honorable mention to "The Shaz".

Dreamed last night that I was crossing a mountain range of cardboard boxes. It was nighttime, and in the dim moonlight I could not make out the label on the box indicating what was inside. It was fairly dangerous going, slipping on occasion, twisting the ankle and nearly being buried by all these cardboard boxes. They weren't heavy, mind you but when I say a Mountain, I mean a mountain.

The dream was drawn out and the journey torturous; I'll try to spare you that.

I came to the down hill side of the Mountain and I could see lights fsr below me at the base.
i could hear music, too and it sounded like that old Frito Bandito song, the one that goes
"Aye, yi-yi-yi, I am the Frito Bandito
I love Fritos Corn Chips..."
I'll spare you that as well.

As I got closer, I could see people and tables and noted that the lighting was Portable, like on a construction site. There were earth moving machines and conveyor belts and steamshovels...like giant Tonka toys.
The people were all dressed in Chef Uniforms...they were pulling boxes from the Mountain. As they opened the boxes I could see there were big bags of Fritos in them . They would transfer the chips to Crystal Bowls on the table and then the Bowls would be loaded onto the trucks.
There were also bowls of dip being filled and loaded, but I don't know where they were getting the dip. No, I do remember...they were scooping Bean dip from a river that ran through the valley.

Bear with me here.

Suddenly the music changed and in a flurry of activity, these 'Chefs" seemed to form up into two distinct teams. They were still filling bowls, but now they had Candy they were putting in the bowls.
And one team would sing
"Sometimes you feel like a nut" as they placed Almond Joy's into the bowls
And the other team would sing
"Sometimes you don't" as they filled their bowls with Mounds.
"Almond Joys got nuts"
"Mounds don't"

Can you see where this is heading?
Me either.

Now everything changes again and some of the tables are transformed into a Fashion Model Runway and the Earth Moving machines and Steanshovels speed up. Boxes are opened and now they are filling bowls with nuts!
There are Cashews and Goobers, Macadamia and Filberts, Roasted Mixed and Blackened Pecans...
The whole valley is filled with a mighty expectation and the lights start making like its a Disco, strobing and swaying up and down the runway and the music starts in....
A-Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-boppa
and then the Brass section starts
Tooooo-doodle-tit-doooo-ti-ti-ti
and then...
There are 6 Emerald Nut Leprichauns strutting down that runway and they are dressed in drag...Green Sparkly sequins and black fishnets and gold Go-Go boots and Belt buckles too small to cover their manliness, and the Big Planters Nut Guy is there too, only he is a she, and they are singing to the Disco beat as they blow kisses to the crowd...

"I'm too sexy for my Nuts,
too sexy for my Nuts
too sexy for my Nuts"

and they all do their little turn out on the catwalk...


At that point I deemed it necessary to consciously wake myself up.

8 comments:

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

*laughing hysterically* here. Now that dream would have made a great mini-script for your "A" team, most
indubitably! If I ever need to consult, I know where to come for ideas and suggestions!
...Shakespeare he's in the alley, with his pointed shoes and his bells, speaking to some French girl who says she knows me well...

Barbara said...

I think our true selves are revealed in our dreams. I seldom remember mine. Sounds like you've been watching Project Runway...

Dave Mows Grass said...

I'm responsible for this? I wake up instantly when I dream of Fritos and and bean dip. If I don't have these items in the pantry, I will drive to Wal-Mart to get them or I will never get back to sleep. Fritos and bean dip is the Junior Brown of late night snacks!

bulletholes said...

pietra-"up comes this girl from France who invited me to her house I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out
And robbed my boots
And I was on the street again"

Barb- this dream started out to be one of my "Please, I don't wanna be a Chef again dreams" but Davy's love of Emerald nut Commercials and a comment I saw at UF mikes one time took over.
also, credit my friend the Shaz for the I'm too sexy for my nuts line. She is very funny.

Dave- My frito and Bean Dip days are over...but i'll take Junior Brown any day!

leslie said...

There will be no more snacking in front of the TV before retiring to bed for you!

lola said...

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

this sounds like MY kind of dream ! i love romping around in cardboard boxes; hiding from my owners. dragging it around the backyard like a dead animal (i'm the great CHOCOLATE HUNTRESS) but mostly chewing - cardboard makes for great chewing.

But OHHHH - the best part of your dream are the SNACKS !!!!! REAL SNACKS !!!! not doggy snacks - phooey ... i LOVE HUMAN FOOD .... yummmmm-eeeeee: let me at those fritos, bean dips (uhhhh, i think chocolate is poisonous to me - but maybe a bite or two???) and dip and candy !!!!!

WOW - this is a Doggy Heaven dream !! i don't know about those humans though. I think you're a strange bunch. But I'm just happy wagging my awesome tail.

woof.

ps. I wanted to be called Bandita ...even doggies have dreams .... !!

woof. woof.

bulletholes said...

lesley, my dreams have beginnings, middles and ends...I love 'em.
lola- ASounds like someone could use a treat.

Mother of Invention said...

Think you had too much peanut butter or chocolate before going to bed! You haven't heard of peanut Butter dreams? They're famous...too much sugar makes you dream weird stuff...I KNOW!!