Wednesday, August 20, 2008

SEARCHIN' FOR MY LOST SHAKER OF SALT

Mother of Invention commented that I have been posting like crazy lately and I have and so I deem this to be Double Trouble Popped Your Bubble Wednesday.
Go see MOM...she has a new post up and could use a prayer and a liitle good cheer.
This is my second post today and also serves as the Epilogue for my Church adventure from last weekend.
I have found when things start to drag, or its a bleak November in my soul, or I feel like knocking someones Hat off and bending their Car antenna into some polyhedral design, all I need do is get drunk, or go to Church, or both.
My Bankruptcy Lawyer years ago told me that
'You can go long way with a smile, you can go even further with a smile and a gun"
I'm not sure what he meant, but so far I haven't needed the gun.

I went to Sunday School last week…the “Singles Class…It had been a couple of months.
They know that I am a Non-believer, but they think I am funny and that there may be hope yet, so they put up with me. With a good nature I am able to thwart their attempts at proselytizing me without offending.
They were thrilled when I said I would go to lunch with them, something I haven't done before.
They like me, and I like them too, but it is almost like we are on different planets.
The one where I live is round.

I was the first one to Desperados, so I got a table for 10 and ordered two plates of NACHOS.
After everyone arrived, the leader-lady of the class started telling me about the Singles class at another Church they had once hoped to unite forces with.
In a fairly critical voice and a sharp eye on me, she says
“They have been renting Humvee Limos, going to Bars and getting drunk. Its all about Hooking-up and getting married with them...with us its all about the Lord”

At this exact moment the Waiter brought the nachos I had ordered and as he placed them on the table I looked up at him and whispered loudly:
“Could you go ahead and CANCEL that Pitcher of Margaritas please?”

There is always that uncomfortable moment when you aren't sure if they will get it or not....
I was relieved when they all laughed.

I'm just glad no one saw my
"HONK IF YOU"RE HORNY" Bumper Sticker

14 comments:

laughingattheslut said...

Getting drunk is bad. Depending on what exactly a person means by hooking up, that's probably bad. Not sure if Humvee limos are bad, other than bad for the environment.

But getting married? I kind of thought that was the point of having the singles class, so you could see who to pair up with and move to the married class. Well, that and the Lord, but you know, that's kind of the point of having the separate class.

If you're a nonbeliever, why are you at church?

rdg said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

i'm choking .... hold on a sec .....

MWAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!

rolling on floor, gasping .....

darn, i've lost my socks!!!!

thanks, bulletholes -
i really needed a great laugh today!!

bulletholes said...

Laughing-Other than the fact that they won't let me in at Baby Dolls anymore...well...did you not read my post? I have fun at Church.
Red Girlie-Girl! good to be doing a service here!

Barbara said...

Maybe you should check out the other singles class.

bulletholes said...

Hi Barb- and change my name to Brother Love

banquet manager said...

I enjoy your take on things. Thanks again for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I hope I can keep on posting stories you enjoy.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager

Anonymous said...

I think you just need to come on to our church!! We would laugh our butts off at your antics!!!

Hey-- keep your head up,but don't let the rain get in your nose,though. Glad you're posting more. Luv ya Munchkin

bulletholes said...

Banquet- you seem like a good one to have out front.
Munchkin Lollipop! You is still out there...yes its been a little spare around here lately...
How those kids and that Schoolin' goin"?

bulletholes said...

Banquet- you seem like a good one to have out front.
Munchkin Lollipop! You is still out there...yes its been a little spare around here lately...
How those kids and that Schoolin' goin"?

GEWELS said...

Truly, it sounds as if I would need to drink the pitcher of margaritas BEFORE walking into that class.
Meet you at Desperados next week Cowboy...then on to church

Minx said...

Look, I know I am from a third world country but our churches are full of little old ladies wearing unfashionable footwear. As far as I know we don't have singles clubs at church let alone Sunday school for the, err, slightly older gentlemen!
Please advise as this may be a new avenue for me to explore.

bulletholes said...

Minxy, see if you can find a Unitarian Church....I've heard they are all about fashionable footwear....somePresbyterians too...
If not then you and I wll just have to form up our own little congregation, and Very un-Bokononnian like, we get get much more than just "foot to foot".

Mother of Invention said...

Ah, you're too funny! Perfect in fact! Those babes love you and who knows, you might even hook up with one from the new church! Ordering double nachos!

Thanks for the plea and good wishes. Wooo..I was actually an inspiration to someone!

GrizzBabe said...

They would LOVE you at my church. Why we had margaritas just this past Sunday after church. And the word "shit" was actually used a few times.

(I'm on vacation today so I'm trying to catch up.)